I love this story. Now, what happened is, I posted my whole dream for my looks as a model (meaning to get past wigs permanently and get my hair bleached white, then add a halo extension and rainbows and lose the glasses), to my Diary of a Glambassador )) which is just raw ranting in my Raw Materials blog — although I think it's very entertaining actually if you read that. And after so many arduous months not manifesting my hair money by focusing on NIRVANA as my primary manifestation principle in this case, I was finally shockingly instantly successful from posting this to the diary — but I think more largely it was the 30 Seconds to Mars manifestation support in this case.
NIRVANA, I know they like it a lot with bleach blonde for sure, as it's inspired by Kurt, Courtney (and Pat Smear) but I think the problem was, NIRVANA would be sooooo into my joke reasons why I was wearing a wig though (lol). It was supposed to be a joke about cheap disguises — like if you'd imagine Kurt had faked his death, that would be so funny if you think he might have gotten away unrecognized in other countries by wearing things like a false moustache (like the song Mr. Moustache) or a cheap wig haha, or just a big bushy beard alone (lol). And Kurt did wear those thick rimmed black glasses that go with cheap disguises (lol). Oh, that is a funny one. So sadly, I was trapped in a manifestation lock with NIRVANA not even helping </3.
Thank God, 30 Seconds to Mars with the actor and musician Jared Leto is a way more refined style of artists when it comes to engineering great looks and having a more polished image, visually. OMG LOL I was lost without them haha — I think NIRVANA is so not that way (lol). You know??!! I admit, even though this was posted to my Dita Von Teese "Diary of a Glambassador", I still don't even think using Dita Von Teese as a manifestation principle for this glam was really much help actually (lol). You'd think it would be, but I am pretty sure Dita doesn't mind wigs, and she knows that's totally in fashion and that's very strong cultural leadership to respect black fashions, BIPOC hair styles, all that. And she's about tolerance and diversity so in Dita, wigs are no problem ever (lol). But just an issue with manifestation cause I was so sick of wearing these and my hair underneath was so bad — SOOOOO BAD (lololol).
So this totally locked in with 30 Seconds to Mars, when I knew I couldn't buy anything else for my art projects to do with them until I had honoured my more personal needs of just getting my hair done. It was just a block in the way to more stuff of that nature — but also, didn't get swept aside as a goal to make it happen first — because I think that's their kind of style is that they'd love to see that as one of those slow frills of things getting worked out to make it possible to move forward with art to do with them. I also did my best to encourage it by intertwining an art process piece which is not done but I'm still working on it, with my journey of getting their merch shirt that I ordered — my first 30STM merch shirt. You can see the work in progress here. It's that it goes from the AI model to the real me, ultimately will look way better than the AI model in the end, with the shirt. Amazing story — their model they had on the merch store looked exactly like me in the wig (even down to the exact physique I had just at the time). Nothing against her but the goal is to look even more beautiful than her in the end (lol). But I'm using AI so as not to be rude to her.
But there's much more to the story of how this manifested which I adore so much about it. It was very related to 30STM because I received an unsolicited art grant from this random person on instagram I guess, for The 7 of 9 ⨺ SOLVE COAGULA Mind Map System (Prototype) — an art piece which centres largely around the 30 Seconds to Mars discography.
Now (sorry haha sidenote here) : As an extra note, for fairness, it should be mentioned — this also centres largely around Marilyn Manson in all this art, and he's obviously deeply tied to this world of happenings from the start ... so was he part of the manifestation? I'll just say, without being rude not including him, the simple answer is not exactly because — simply put — his themes are very related with sketchy dark true stories in popular culture history of deep seated evils (and murders) when it comes to models. I sense that he'd rather come off as deeply neutral to what I'd do with my looks as a model just to avoid any freaky associations with those true crime and psychological stories that his band has been associated with indepth. He has a supportive style towards anyone, but I think he's more into just applauding whatever I'd come out with and appreciating that the choice had nothing to do with his opinion — for safety reasons (and he's very safety oriented).
Haha so that was almost unncessary as a sidenote (lol). Back to 30 Seconds To Mars. So this art grant person was one of the most genius people at conveying himself I've met, in the sense that he came off as a mindblowing genius in his style of language and conveyance and depth. The level of the honor of receiving this grant out of the blue from him complete with his awe inspiring reading of Rick Rubin's book of creativity and the artist as thematically tied in with deep wisdom of The 7 of 9, as his statement of intention — was just through the ROOOOOOOOFFFFF. So I'll be so honest with you — since I did post on my Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: of all my interactions with Jared and 30STM, that I wanted to be hired by 30 Seconds to Mars for design as a certain dream, when this guy came out and said he's got enough work to easily supply me with a living working in graphic design for him — but it's a test to see how exactly I work and if this format is really suited to me, I couldn't help but suspect that 30STM actually send a fuckin' guy to play with me just to consult about this.
I didn't think it was going to work out actually at all with this new "career" just making designs like ads for fuckin yaghts and shit like that (lol). I would never actually be very good at that cause it doesn't inspire me so I'd hate it and then be really bad at it as a result. But I felt like he was just playing around, offering things just in code, and he was sent by the band. So I told him, if it was 30STM hiring me to do like billboards just with clouds and their logo on it or whatever, I'd enjoy that enough to be happily employed, learning how to do billboards and shit as I go along. But it seemed so obtusely obvious wtihin this conversation that this was to formalize with me that I had said the wrong dream on my Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: and it needs to be fixed, because I should take it seriously — what if dreams DO COME TRUE? So be more serious. So I did say it, I think that's not even the dream to work for even them as a graphic designer, just that. Like this guy knew that my path in graphic design was behind me because I'm taking the approach of being an artist who has way more of a creative vision than just customizing my skills only to someone else's ideas and not including my own. I'm showing you with this the art I made later when I revised their ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: as a joke about this (lol). I just picked out some clouds and put The 7 of 9 logo on it, which is intended to match up with their logo, and that was free (lol).
So when I turned him down, though, for this job as a graphic designer designing yaght brochures supposed to look like GUCCI (lol) "as a test", which seemed like a 30STM total sense of humor and ironic joke — very infatuating as not for real about that — he sounded SOOOOOO DESPERATE after that. Like just WILL NOT take no for an answer and he will WORK WITH ME until I understand the depth of this (lol). He kept on sending all these amazing audios trying to break it open what it really means. And he's soooooooo genius with language (again so good at conveying so much). Like literally, this struck me as the types of coolies that would be 30STM's "people" like sooooo — "I'll have my people contact your people" would be literally iconic somedays even just in the people (lol).
So I took it very seriously with what he was saying. He sounded really really impressed with me as an intermedia artist. So I thought about it what I would say to 30STM and I told him that : I want to be a consultant. And to that he had incredible answers. He was being a consultant himself on a high level, supporting me with language to visualize myself not just as a consultant, but in a paid "consultancy" (like both ways) which would with the most conscious degree of awe inspiring depth, seem extremely ethical in terms of anyone I'd be open to guiding me in any way, as this would be all according to what very genuinely inspires and is authentic in a co-creative ethic. I mean obviously an intermedia art consultancy.
So we firmed up the picture of how this would work : I would charge $72 an hour and this would include my time going back and forth with audios or phone calls or texts, whenever and however it converges, then I would produce intermedia art inspired by these conversations which doesn't have to, but would likely often become UNITY LIFE Mystery School resources. These could include writings, visual art, fusions, even sound — literally so many genres and with that intermedia edge of audience context and process integrated. And with that in mind, I was actually so sold on this guy that I was willing to design his stupid boats in this way, because he started to make me feel like the boats would be used as a strategic device just to play out ideas about digital and graphic arts and our discussions about it, discussing marketing and commercial stuff or anything just really well together. So as a symbolic piece, that was different. And he admitted that's all he meant from the start.
So at that point it was decided on my rate, and my terms — always just chunks of money or whatever amount paid up front, then I'll work off those hours from the payments. Then, something really weird happened. He told me he knew that I was currently an intimacy counsellor, and needs to also discuss his personal relationship history and woes of loneliness. That didn't phase me too much about the band, cause I'm totally fine with discussing that kind of thing for a higher rate if it's anything personal to do with him. My rate is already $100 an hour if sexuality is a topic at all, and it's on the phone only, and no phone sex. So I told him that rate was available, and it made sense to me that the band might actually want to tap me about my history as an intimacy counsellor. So all good.
So he starts going off though, at that point (and it seemed inappropriate), in his voice message going way into a sob story about an attempted sexual encounter with some sex worker a few times. Anyway, I turned off his audio and didn't finish listening and sent him a text : "I'm not continuing to listen to this until I have a deposit". By this point it was about time talk turned into money and I felt I had provided enough free consultation building up to this amazing promise. So he immediately sent me $500 and BOOM — hair money was manifested !!!! And this was outside of what I usually do for work, so I felt like this was such designated money for this purpose as something extra, something healthy and important etc.
But the crazy thing is, then he says that he wants to hire me to literally have sex with him for this money instead, and that's all he's even interested in and now he doesn't care about the consultancy at all, he only wants sex now. That's the moment when it became not true I could believe that he was really staff from the band 30 Seconds To Mars, cause I sure tell you — I don't in any way associate any of them with this kind of degrading behaviour. I told him that I'm not interested, and the completely psychotically triggered behaviour he started with then was equally as through the roof FUCKED behaviour as it had been ultimate previously in such good quality. That was such a little nightmare. I told him about my rules as an intimacy counsellor that when someone shows me they're into boundary pushing about sexuality with me on the phone or in audios or anything, they're out the window with no refunds. Then he rudely demanded a refund and called me a huge fraud, making it sound like he was ready to sue me.
I told him back, "You've just broken the law by trying to get me to provide sexual services here". FYI in Canada (where he is supposedly based out of — though perhaps he was American pretending Canadian — but I'm a Canadian citizen anyway), it is illegal for a buyer to communicate for the purposes of getting sexual services, but legal (criminally not liable) for the other person — say if they were already a seller, advertising sexual services. I wasn't even, but I know the law. Besides, those laws are in place to protect sex workers, to ensure that they can safetly report harassment from abusive Johns to police. Case in point here : So in this case, he had broken the law and was trying to imply that he could sue me, which was a sad joke. And he wasn't having any of it of course.
That day I was like "OMG NO — I can't believe for a second that this was personel from 30 Seconds To Mars, this is so messed up. WTF IS THIS GUY?!". Like please — AS FUCKING IF this band would break the law. But after thinking about it more, I admit, I suppose it's still believable as long as his behaviour was fully unauthorized by the band. Because I have seen it before that they've had intolerably poor staff at times, and I guess it's possible that if they felt the whole design consultancy convo was good enough here and they could move on to another thing instead of this guy, they asked him to break it off, and he misunderstood what kind of behaviour is appropriate for that. Cause I think maybe his intention was to make it seem like I wasn't the loser in the situation losing out on a great offer, but he was the problem in this scenario — so that I wouldn't feel my image was damaged by cooly turning this offer down if it was an opportunity that means so much. I am struggling for the rent right now and I can see how it's a bit of an image problem to have turned down a chance. But I think if so, he misinterpreted their instructins and behaved in an unauthorized way.
Anyway, I didn't let that get me down at all. I really don't "care" so to speak if it was 30STM personnel or not — to me it means the same thing either way. I feel regardless if it's a manifestation from the universe just having used the band as a manifestation principle, or literally it was their misguided personnel, it kinda doesn't matter. Either way I am SOOOOOOOOO SURE this is going to lead to that consultancy. I would hope it was with the band, with Jared you know, but he's a busy man too. What if he would need it like with a helper to summarize what went down so it's not hours of conversation investment but he still gets all the details? But I always had the intuition that we'd become close friends. Just who knows what's best for them — they know and I don't. What I know is, this is going to happen and even if it's not them, it will manifest now.
I'll explain why I can tell this is going to manifest. I was homeless from 2017 - 2021 and it was a rough time. And when it finally came up for me that I could work on trying to get a huge $6000 loan to start a business in Vancouver and become an intimacy counsellor, that would have always seemed so out of reach but it just came together. Now, the way it happened was in a very powerful spiritual time where I felt a certain extreme charge and many intuitive perceptions all gathered together into this extremely synergizing and potent overall experience. I could just feel the shift taking place, and everything quickly manifested all in stages. It wasn't without some begging and fighting with my Dad and difficult work, but it all felt right to work through it.
Then my life was completely transformed on the largest level imaginable by money and being grounded, but I always knew I didn't want to be an intimacy counsellor for real. I felt it was a miracle that I was, but no one would really like my story that it was a great miracle if sexuality as a topic within counselling has anything to do with it. Frankly, I'm sure people assume I'm really a sex worker. And I just didn't like how it looked, and didn't like the picture of where my life could be headed with this as my career. I always felt it didn't take advantage of my true skills enough, even though I am a master healer and do actually provide something way out of this world better than you can get anywhere else in this service. So all this time, I searched for signs and intuition as to what could be the shift into my next line of work. And I knew always that it would feel the same way as it did in 2021 when I was starting this new busines — only of course next level to show the evolution of my life in stages.
And THAT is EXACTLY how this feels. It is so intuitively crystal clear obvious that the universe is so seriously ready to make this happen now.
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