Written by Ba Adonai
For reference see : Transparency of Creative Originality as a Writer
TABLE OF CONTENTS
◊ Mirrors of Reflection : Rosabelle in Cooper or Rose Gold
◊ The Darkest Days : 4 Years of Homelessness Without Light
◊ Light in the Darkness : Future Dreaming wtih Dita Von Teese
◊ Diamonds 2 UNITY LIFE ◊ A Pattern Language in the Media
◊ Diamonds 2 UNITY LIFE ◊ A Parallel in BALMAIN’s Fashion Shoot
◊ Dreams Realized ◊ The Impossible Became Reality
◊ Conclusion
Mirrors of Reflection : Rosabelle in Cooper or Rose Gold
◊🪞 For those of you following me, you may know that I have become an amateur model and photographer, specializing in self-portraiture, specifically using the mirror. As I’ve mentioned in previous archives, my choice to use the mirror is not just about convenience. It’s about the spiritual and poetic meaning of how it inspires my perception of myself and reflects the world around me. The main feature of this project is that I have been modeling exclusively in lingerie designs created by my idol, Dita Von Teese — the famous burlesque artist and former wife of one of my favorite stars, Marilyn Manson.
◊🌹 Two lingerie sets in particular that I want to speak about are Fiamma, featuring delicate pokadot black lace with flowers and Rosabelle with a lace design of roses in the color copper. As much as I love the way Dita names her colors — which is one of the most fascinating and beautiful elements of this textile art for me — I’ve chosen to nickname this copper Rosabelle “Rose Gold”. The reason is deeply personal : it speaks of my own life story. This is the story of how Dita Von Teese originally inspired my choice to become a lingerie model, within a transformational and healing journey, very much in the light of her love. For me, it is truly a rags-to-riches story of rose gold.
The Darkest of Days : 4 Years of Homelessness Without Light
◊🥀 In the 4 years between 2017/18 and 2020/21, for the very first time in my life, I was forced into poverty and became homeless. I lived in my adopted spiritual father’s shed. We had no shower facilities and barely enough to eat, relying mostly on the food bank. This counts as homelessness, since the shelter was inadequate.
◊🪫I couldn’t work, nor could I access government support due to circumstances of my home life. The food available to me was ironically very fattening due to little choice, and I becme 40 lbs overweight. Without makeup, with unstyled hair, dressed in rags, I didn’t feel beautiful. The shed had no windows, so I suffered from light deprivation and emotional strain. Living in such close quarters, stressed beyond my limits, I grew painfully conflicted about my sexuality, and my health declined.
Light in the darkness : Future Dreaming wtih Dita Von Teese
◊📺 However, 2 sources of light sustained me aside from my father’s loyalty : my Dad’s TV and my small iPod where I checked social media. The movies and shows I watched made a deep impact on me, and around the same time I discovered Dita Von Teese’s Instagram. Despite my low sexual health, I could still delight in Dita’s burlesque artistry. Her work became a source of daily joy and inspiration, and I reflected often on her wisdom as Manson’s former wife, alongside other stars who uplifted me.
◊△▽ During this time, meditation and media exposure led me to discover a kind of pattern language within the mainstream entertainment media, especially focused on geometry. My fascination with the Fibonacci Golden Ratio and rhombous diamond shapes made me explore their symbolic meaning as contextualized by the arts. I found a pattern of great significance that I documented carefully, and it has since guided me on life-changing journeys. One day I hope to share this language more fully, but here I’ll focus on just two interconnected examples.
Diamonds 2 UNITY LIFE ◊ A Pattern Language in the Media
◊📱 Alone in the shed, surrounded by spiders and in poor health, I fell in love with Dita Von Teese Lingerie ads where she posed with geometric designs draped in satin and with custom paintings. One image especially moved me : Dita modeling the Fiamma set with the tiny dots of polka-dot lace, in front of a Fibonacci diamond with gold paintings. Intuitively, I felt the polka dots symbolized atoms and molecules, the miracles of physical form, and the futuristic magic of transformation.
◊🌌 Researching the burlesque artist from Crazy Horse Paris whom Fiamma was named after confirmed this intuition ...
Her artistic video featured futuristic, miraculous transformations : dramatic curved mirrors resembling a technological craft, a space helmet, and her body splitting into two forms. This echoed both Dita’s artistic themes and my own Ayahuasca journeys, which had taught me that medicine heals the body through miracles which could be compared iwth this type of imagery.
◊💎 Empowered by this confirmed intuition about the meaning of Fiamma, I gained confidence to another inspiration that arose : It was as if Dita herself was sending me a message that I might one day model her lingerie with dignity, beauty, and artistry. Today, that dream is reality. But at the time, impoverished and hopeless, overweight and homely, I was stunned by my own confidence even to imagine such a thing. Still, I held on to that dream. In a sense I had no choice because it was so beautiful in my mind.
Diamonds 2 UNITY LIFE ◊ A Parallel in BALMAIN’s Fashion Shoot
◊🔑 Around the same time, another diamond-pattern vision appeared to me : A BALMAIN fashion shoot with a rose gold dress patterned in Fibonacci rhombous shaped diamonds, gallantly folded chest fabric, and a gold neck brace. My intuition, along with the structure of study I had developed to explore this geometry based pattern language, told me this represented a future success — to one day own a laptop in the color of rose gold and with it, finally pursue my art further and this website you are now reading. I promised myself that if I ever reached that point, I’d honor this image by buying a rose gold MacBook Air.
Dreams Realized ◊ The Impossible Became Reality
◊❤️🔥 When the day came in 2022 that I had the money for my MacBook Air, I discovered that rose gold macbooks had not been available for years. But of course, magically, London Drugs just happened to have one copy of this outdated model available in rose gold, exactly where I regularly shop.
◊🌟 Looking back, I can hardly believe that what once felt impossible has become my reality. In those dark times, it was unthinkable. Yet today I not only own the laptop, but I also have a gold neckpiece like the one in the BALMAIN shoot — and I model Dita Von Teese lingerie. I’ve lost 80 pounds, rebuilt my health, and in my own perception, I look as beautiful as the professional models Dita supports. With the help of a $6,000 loan from my father, which was very hard to finagle, I was able to start my counseling business in Vancouver, BC, and rebuild my life.
◊🔥 That knowledge fills me with hope for my other dreams — which beleive me, often seem impossible. Surely, the wisest voices always say :
... "Dream big, beyond your current scope, and with courage". That has always come naturally to me, though I wrestle with doubt. Remaining in gratitude for the present helps me stay in abundance. But if this story is any proof, the impossible is possible, and I believe more miracles await.
Conclusion
◊💖 My artwork in Dita Von Teese’s lingerie are both art and proof that miracles are possible, and that there is a pattern language in the mainstream entertainment media which speaks poetic volumes. This has been one of the most spiritually and emotionally beautiful gifts of my life. It’s pure poetry, born from inspiration and deep gratitude for Dita Von Teese, who, somehow, believed in me, long before we had ever met.
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