MY ENCOUNTERS WITH LINDSAY WARNER

Someday, I trust that we will become friends in that more formal sense of the word — you know, where both people confirm that it's the right term, directly by saying so, not just by that it's somewhat implied. Regardless though, I have no doubt that there is so much love between us both ways, which is a magical thing to be able to claim after so few interactions.

Certainly, I can't say enough just how much our interactions have had more meaning than their scale would suggest. 

With all that said, I'm starting to feel that our next interaction may be approaching because as I've been appreciating the story between myself and some friends and in public, I've noticed that it seems the story needs a next chapter in order to culminate more fully so that it can be told better. A lot of work — a shocking degree of powerful quality of work — was done between us to clarify the quality of our connection last we spoke, but I now see there is a missing piece to the story. I feel really bad about this if I said the wrong thing to a friend not long ago, and I'm going to talk to her and correct this : I found myself telling a friend, I think she heard some "shit" about me at one point which wasn't true and this caused friction between us initially. And that is not entirely accurate although frankly, you never know if that could be the case since I'm the one person there's always a lot of "shit" going around about me which isn't true. But allow me to clarify what I meant. 

I meant that in short-phrase for a friend in messages when the larger story couldn't be explained. The story of "shit" that I was referring to was not even shit at all, but an incomplete story about me that I think she heard from Marilyn Manson. This was several years ago, way way back, perhaps in 2020 or so I suppose. The thing is, it's my belief that Marilyn Manson originally heard about me from Courtney Love, probably like in late 2018 or 19 when they were working together on the music video for Tattooed In Reverse, and this caught his attention. I can only guess what Courtney told him, but I have a very distinct impression that it was secret and he was sworn to keep this explosive information quiet between them. Also, it was most extremely fascinating to Manson, which has become more than obvious to me by his reaction.

Now this is just a vague guess but to give you a rough idea, I think what she said to him was something along the lines of things she had learned about me through Ayahuasca visions in the healing ceremonies of this medicine. That alone could be a reason to keep it quiet, cause Ayahuasca is known as illegal and it's a sensitive topic. Also, the visions are often explosively important, interesting, and also strange and hard to relate sometimes to the average person without a lot of effort translating information from these visionary states. Also, it's often very sensitive information — the type of thing people might not be able to comprehend at all if they have no spiritual or visionary background. 

Regardless, the simple fact is that Manson was sworn to secrecy, yet he found the information incredibly important. I think what happened is that he really wanted Lindsay to know this secret, since of course she is his closest companion and he'd always hope for their shared best interest through her being well informed, which is only practical. So, what he did was something which he does all the time with Lindsay when he has this problem — he started heavily hinting to her. Now there's a fine line between heavily hinting and giving away a secret in such a way in which you'd be in trouble for that. And Manson's no fool — he would surely have avoided the kind that's considered breaking the secret. So this heavy hinting, this would have been done in such a way that really takes time to get the message across. It would be ethical to the secrecy issue but would be much harder to communicate in this way.

Over a long, extended time of offering various information packages to Lindsay which slowly build understanding for her of this message with only ambient — or even cosmic — suggestion forms, he was partway through explaining and not finished when she initially thought she understood — but she was wrong.

At first, the way I see it, she didn't have the full understanding. Because she was very entrenched in certain paradigms of information which have other types of interpretations, she accidentally compared the information she was figuring out in a whole other way than Manson intended it. It's like this : In some cultures the color red symbolizes death and in other cultures it symbolizes the opposite, life. Let's just say, a number of points delivered by Manson which she could tell related to me and my story, she thought represented death, just because Manson hadn't managed to clarify that they meant life because it's in other context. So coming let's say from the background where everyone thinks red means death, she just didn't have the whole picture. She knew red, but not life. By that I don't mean that she thought Kurt Cobain was dead — I don't mean this about Kurt, I just mean a vague generalization about our world and its meaning. The information was out of context for Lindsay at this stage and she partially misunderstood. It's not her fault or Manson's, but at this earliest stage between us, Lindsay didn't quite get the picture fully. 

She knew a few things though. She knew that it would be valuable to pay close attention to me and what I was saying online at least, or anything else for that matter. She probably also had a series of understandings about certain likely misperceptions about me being untrue. And she knew that it was important not only to pay attention but to understand deeply, because some things about me may not be as they meet the eye, so to speak, or may require careful interpretation and thought. She's a very intelligent person, and so she made absolutely certain that she had properly digested everything I was saying online at the time. Unknown to me, she studied my projects and became an expert on certain artistic codes that I was trying to casually indoctrinate on social media.

But unfortunately, when she approached me in response to all this information, the way she came across was very confusing. It seemed to me that she was upset at me. That didn't register for me the way that I felt Manson was coming across for me intuitively. I felt like Manson's approach would never have been to appear upset at me, and this would have been of course for a reason. That to me was the sign that she may not be on the same level as Manson so I started doubting their relationship would last if she's not as high level as he is in some ways — but after a while I understood that she's certainly on his level but just not when it comes to the topic of me personally. So just in my own little bubble she wasn't coming up that well, but she really is at Manson's level just as a person and in general. 

Years later, she clarified to me that she had not been upset at me at all but only at the situation we were both in together. She said that it had been about my information online and the state it was in as a public message which wasn't yet fully developed, and that it was actually the fault of someone else and not even my fault or hers that my work hadn't been able to progress better. You see in this previous interaction she had corrected my work but it was in a blunt way which made me worry that she was personally upset at me. I respected the new information she offered me to clarify that fact, and I believe she was honest. I actually completely agree with her take on that situation. But I admit that it did sound like a bit of a cover up in a socially respectable way for the fact that also she didn't understand yet back then that it would be important not to come off as rude to me. See, the thing is, she didn't understand the sensitivity of my situation and how much this might be more important not to scare me or throw me off emotionally in an interaction like that, than it would be to correct my work. 

I think that just being blunt and honest about problems in someone's presentation is fairly decent actually, but it's just that it does depend who you're talking to and how that would come across to them sometimes. But the thing is, we all have misunderstandings sometimes and it's more than forgivable in my opinion if she was less sensitivie than I needed from her — considering that she made it right between us. Once she came to understand the importance of doing so, she totally clarified more than abundantly to me that there was no emotional harm intended by being blunt and critiquing my work just out of the blue like that. I assure you, it seemed a billion percent honest. Even if she had subtly hoped to hurt my feelings back in those old days, I forgive her. But I think "to hurt someone's feelings" is never Lindsay's goal. Her goal was probably just to kinda wake me up to issues she thought I had overlooked, which infact I wasn't able to "wake up to" in that way, considering my situation.

My Dad said to me at the time when she frightened me at first with her sudden feedback about my posts, "I think she's jealous cause she thinks you and Manson are going to be together and she wants you to stay away from her man" (lol). I laughed at that. I had never spoken directly to Manson and that actually struck me as an insane concept but he was kidding around and stuff. That said, I found it an insightful joke cause I later wondered if perhaps she had even worried about that considering the brilliant high definition importance of the issues communicated to Manson from Courntey and his emotional connection to that information. It might have struck her as actually romantic the level of how interesting Manson had found all this.

I thought at one point, "That's not even bad as an explanation of the story actually. Jealousy happens in life and that explains everything so easily sometimes just so people can relate and get the notion". It's even like that — let's just say she was jealous at the time which is understandable but later processed her insecurities. It's just that I think that might oversimplify if it's taken too seriously as a metaphor. 

But that's kinda how it is. You see, the thing is, let's put it like that. Anyone should be forgiven for painful feelings or any confusions. There's no trouble between Lindsay and I. But the reason I'm writing this is because I have a correction to make to a good friend of mine for something I said lately. To her, I knew she wouldn't really care that much about Lindsay and Manson because she's not a fan of Marilyn Manson really at all. Perhaps her only interest in him is just through my posts. But she was confiding in me about a difficult situation she had with a new member of the band 30 Seconds to Mars, Tomo, through an interaction between herself and his wife. She spoke with his wife, and while the wife was aiming to be fun, promoting the romance between herself and Tomo, she wasn't helpful to the situation that was being presented which required some resoultion in a way that the wife couldn't deal with. The wife (I saw her messages) sounded quite afraid to speak on matters that don't technically involve her, incase she'd fuck something up that she doesn't even fully understand. But this was pretty rough the way it didn't help at all. 

So that's when I tried to tell her a few stories of my interactions with the wives / girlfriends of my favourite stars, and how they often weren't that rewarding actually. I explained, sadly, I've learned that as much as it would be nice if a star's close intimate partner or wife was just as helpful as that star to a situation about say their band or something, it's often not possible, as I've come to learn. 

The way I explained it was this : So often, within the intricate workings of the band world (and this counts also for other types of arts like movies and shows), the star in question will have a lot of secrets to keep which cannot be shared even with their own wife. See, as the artist in question, they are the only person who can be truly fully professionally accountable for themselves from a business standpoint. They are the only one who holds the real responsibility for their own career, as well as the situation with their own contacts and sources. To put that kind of responsibility onto a partner is not only misguided but also cruel. Accountability and responsibility is a burden and a weight to carry. It's not only a lot of work, but requires a lot of sensitive and unique information in order to do a proper job of taking care of things, and quite often that information is very difficult to relate to others, as it's based on a lifetime of experience in combination with each learning experience. 

That's only when there are secrets involved. But so often there can be. Secrets happen, for so many reasons — one of them is because when sometimes seems to represent a business opportunity, it then has value, and must be protected. Quite often, keeping certain things secret about a plan will protect its success and increase the value of the opportunity by not leaving it open to random factors of influence from potentially unhelpful or harmful / draining outside bodies. For example preventing a good business idea from being stolen by others in the sensitive period in which resources are being slowly invested into it, so that those investments won't be lost by an idea getting stolen from someone else more capable of investing faster. 

So to my friend, I explained quickly that I've found quite often the wives of my favourite stars seem out of the loop and unable to be helpful in a way which is integrated and responsive to the real sensitivities of the situation. And Lindsay is by far not the only one that I've had that experience with, although she was the kindest and the best. Well, I also got along famously with Krist Novoselić's wife Darbury too, although she and I never had any trouble between us at all — there was never any misunderstanding whatsoever, thankfully. In Lindsay's case, it's a result of Manson's skill with communication over long periods of time towards her, as well as their increasing commitment to each other in marriage, how things developed so beautifully between us. If their relationship had been bound for a breakup, or if Manson was not as skilled with communication (and Lindsay skilled with listening and grasping), I think she and I might never have resolved things between us and become "friends" as it were. But we were both lucky in this case. And quite sadly, it was the total opposite with a number of others. 

It was such a miserable story, you see, what happened between me and Billy Corgan's girlfriend Chloe Mendel. I can't tell you how much I hate Chloe Mendel with the hugest passion after how she treated me. She was very abusive towards me. I consider that because of her post-pardum depression clouding her ability to grasp information without associating her thoughts with ridiculously terrifying fears. Also, I was blocked by Tim Skold's wife Pillkitty for absolutely nothing at all, just for following her on instagram at all and I had not interacted other than give a few likes — which is a real misunderstanding on her part I'm sure. I'm only thanking the lord that Tim didn't treat me badly like that whatsoever. He must have known things she didn't know — that's the wonderfully inspiring yet in Pillkitty's part super annoying issue. I say, at least Pillkitty only blocked me — it could have been worse.

As well, even Rob Zombie's wife Sherri Moon Zombie had some kind of a problem with me and kept booting me from her followers until I finally grasped that this was really for personal reasons and with intent to reject me. And I'm not even that into Rob Zombie, that's the really weird, eerie thing about that. Plus, Sherri seems like the nicest angelic person I've ever seen, so that is just strange. The truth is stranger than fiction somedays when someone like Sherri would be so rude to me, and yet it's obvious that she had some misunderstaanding. Since I have barely even remotely shown an interest in Rob Zombie that really strikes me as the weirdest one. 

You can see how in these situations, I just feel that these women had "heard some shit about me which wasn't true". It's not just that they may have vaguely misinterpreted some twinges or hints from their partners, but also too, I have an arch enemy who is going through a huge slander campaign against me which is done with a team, and expands throughout a large community, involving ridiculous amounts of evil lies always going around about me. So you never really know if they even heard something from that side of things too. I'm certain that's the case when it comes to Chloe. But the deeper fact of the matter wasn't so simple with Lindsay. You know? That became apparent.

So unfortunately, in my conversation with my friend, it came out sounding like I simply group Lindsay together with all these other bitches, when in fact she's on a much higher level than they are, and she's a better person than them all. She's a good person, while they are all bad people inherently to the core. Lindsay : angel from heaven. Them : Bitches. Sorry badass motherfuckin loooser bitches (lol) who are truly inherently intrinsically evil to the core and not to be trusted with anything </3. Yet it's tragic that Lindsay was grouped with them through this paradigm and made to sound like she just "heard some shit about me".

I want to apologize publicly if I made Manson sound bad in this scenario at all, as if he was spreading "shit about me" to Lindsay, like negative shit (lol). There is no way he would ever do that. This was a shorthand method of speech to my friend, and I have no idea if she passed that around, but it didn't seem she'd have any special reason to do so, since she's not a fan of Marilyn Manson. But I'll be sure to clarify and let her know I didn't mean it quite like that, next chance I get.