Opinion : The Band NIRVANA Did Tons of Ayahuasca Since The Earliest Days When It Was Just Krist and Kurt

It's a shame this one is censored, cause it's just an opinion and people should keep their smart ass rudie attitudes to themselves, but frankly this ijust a hard one for people to comprehend, mostly because of the internet and digital / information age taking over. I guess I'm old, but I'm even younger than the band members of NIRVANA. I'm 43, and I was too young to get to their concerts when they were touring with Kurt Cobain. But even I can see that the kids nowadays (which includes older people) don't get the fact that people used to read a lot of books actually back in the 80's and 90's.

That's the one critical big picture thing about information being accessible back in those times. Because what I've seen even at age 43 is definitely that tons of information which used to be available is practically like fully unavailable now, based on the whole point that people just assume the internet is the only information source there is. And also, the internet really has shaped the way that people can access books now as well. Just, the young people now cannot imagine what it's like to live in a world where information is sourced in a totally different way, through books and without the system of the internet really structuring how you could get them. 

So with that said, I really think that through actual book reading, and book catalogues and stuff like that, with even libraries as a matter of fact, NIRVANA (which was just Krist and Kurt in the earliest days) did do their research on psychedelics. So the story goes, NIRVANA pretty much started out just as Kurt Cobain and his bestie Krist Novoselić living the low key life in Aberdeen, deeply inspired by their favourite bands and dreaming of starting a band.

At the time, you know there is a list of most prominent musical influences that they said on interviews inspired them, and that list usually doesn't include the Beatles, although they mentioned the Beatles quite a bit though. Well who hasn't been into the Beatles right? We all know they were into the Beatles, like just because practically no one ever hasn't fully been there. OK well based on like The Beatles and probably also other bands / musicians from that era, I'm sure Kurt and Krist became curious about psychedelics. And I love mentioning cause it's such a personal interest too — you know the Beatles were hot during the psychedelic revolution of the 60's and 70's and yet they strangely never did mention that they were researching and experimenting with psychedelics right?

Well it's illegal and just think about it — they were obviously into psychedelics and their message was well understood to be related to it. So I think that inpsired Krist and Kurt. It's so funny and dumb with this case such an example of it that just because they didn't say that they take psychedelics, people actually think it's not true (lol). The Beatles, most people can relate to me on that one. Like please, give me a break, as if Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds like wasn't even about LSD. Right? But this really is the same situation with other bands where they didn't do an obvious song like that, and that makes it hard to discuss publicly cause people really try to argue, they haven't stated that so that simply means it's not true lol. 

You know too, Kurt and Krist always said they were well aware of drugs right? OK yeah, they were obviously the types of people who wouldn't be that shy about experimenting with psychedelics I think it seems. But why didn't they say that, right? I'll tell you my opinion of why they never mentioned psychedelics as one of the drugs like marijuanna and whatever else, that they were discussing openly. It's because first of all, you're not supposed to necessarily speak of your psychedelic trips, at least not immediately, so that could have been the start of things. But also secondly, what happened on their trips opened thier eyes to the fact that some secrets in life do need to be kept, way beyond the idea that it's just illegal so watch out about saying it.

But also the thing is, I really think in their psychedelic research they would have been the most drawn to Ayahuasca considering that they are musicians and into music. Because traditionally in their research through books, they would have learned that Ayahuasca is one of the few psychedelics which completely revolves around music. And speaking of Ayahuasca, that's the rare and better kind of psychedelic, which might have interested them even on that point, and was not at all something you could just get on the street. You'd have to order that in illegally by mail. Now, back in those days, there were a lot less issues at the border with the law when it coems to something as obscure as Ayahuasca being mailed, but I'm pretty sure it might have been awkward just wanting to keep it kinda quiet. And I'll have to actually look up if it was even scheduled back then, but I'm pretty sure DMT was scheduled at a pretty early time.

But regardless, the main thing I think it was for secrecy was not even so much about the law, but was actually because of the way that their ceremonies with Ayahuasca that they were getting into were actually going on in the visions that they should keep some special secrets. So let's get down to it what I think actually happened in their ceremonies. 

Now, this is coming from an Ayahuasqera here — the amount of experience I have personally with Ayahuasca would blow anyone away except for others who are also the same way. I really have a lot of personal experience with this kind of thing. So my opinions are coming from there, but it's hard to actually convey that level of how I'm getting this idea, since I can't replicate my own experience with Ayahuasca for others to just get me just like that. So that's one reason this has been censored too, but I think it will come out. 

I'll just say it, reverse engineering what I've seen with the band, I think it went down a little something like this : Kurt and Krist were young guys experimenting with psychedelics and they learned of Ayahuasca traditions enough to get access to ceremonies from Ayahuasqeros who knew how to do it, or else if they didn't have the means to travel to Peru, they just made it happen in the USA alone. And as an Ayahuasqera, I can't tell you how much I'd instantly worry for their asses if they were doing that without an Ayahuasqero/a to lead them through the ceremonies with proper tobacco to use and not that chemical storebought shit.

But they were avid smokers at least, so thankfully that's WAY better than nothing. Without the tobacco, you ARE IN SOME SERIOUS SHIT with Ayahuasca if you do it without (lol) (sweat). It's rough there, but with the chemical stuff, I can tell you it's bound to be a challenging experience but damn right a fuck load better than nothing, that's for SURE. But what I can say though is defeinitely, it looks REALLY GOOD what happened though. So I mean, it does look like revese engineering what must have happened, that they MUST have found out about the good tobacco through the anthropology books or psychedelic info books, and gotten decent with some safe and reasonably effective nights with those kinds of excellent visions that really heal and change your life solidly.  

Like, there's no record of it that at a young age Kurt and Krist like had any kind of money to be able to just kick up and travel to fuckin Peru which seems a bit beyond their means at that stage of their lives. But it is totally possible to make connections in Peru and get stuff mailed and do it at home. So I really hope they went to Peru, that would have been the best, but at least experimenting at home couuld have actually worked out well in my opinion as long as they got the good tobacco sent as well. And you know, I bet you if they got a good Ayahuasca source, those peeps would have thought of helping them out if it was by letter writing or something and advising them properly of how to do it and all that with the right stuff. And that is one possibility too is correspondence by mail. And all that stuff is so cheap in Peru, especially back then. That's before Ayahuasca tourism caused the prices to get racked up.

I guess honestly if they ever met anyone who had been to Peru and done it there, that might have been how they got the connection to correspond by mail. I could really see that happening back in the 90's. You know, that was the 80's and 90's, it was sooooo writing letters by hand to people, just pouring your heart out more honestly and just asking for help desperately too cause letters take longer, so there's not the same social expectations there about holding back on your hopes and needs being asked, since it's not all reserved styles and atittudes of instant communication online. 

So maybe it was that. But the important point to mention here is that I think their ceremonies went well, so they must have had good help and info.

Regardless, here's what I think TOTALLY happened in their ceremonies. So like, it started out tht they were totally impressed that it was lke the best psychedelic experience of their life by far. That's for sure what happened to me and what happens to most people when they have a good one. It is all that, it's way better than common psychedelics like mushrooms. Way stronger. So from that, they got a few initial start up lessons from Ayahausca which are classic as you're starting into it. First off, no worries to ask Ayahuasca for anything. Any thought you have, you just think it asking please to Ayahuasca, and they heard you. What they prefer though, is if i you would not just think roughly your hopes, but be polite to them and actually think it strong to them with a nice way. Like go to them with intentful thought and say very politely actually, "Please, I'm asking for your thorough support in this or the other".

I mean that's helpful to your process cause then you're figuring out for your own ideas what's at least most important to you. You can't succeed without a clear goal. The Ayahuasca might not do what you ask, they might actually put your requests to the side and teach YOU from THEIR guidance what's best for you instead. But you know, if it was a sweet thing and it meant a lot to you, they're really really into making sure you got answered on what you asked for. They don't like to leave you hanging for too long with stuff like that if it was a big thing for you.

So after a while the inevitable occurred. Kurt (and probably Krist along with him in whatever order kinda thing or whatever), they got the obvious idea in their head to ask Ayahuasca for what they REALLY WANT. To be famous as the most famous band that ever existed. For their music to fully take off, and total success in the band. Ultimate money, ultimate fame, ultimate success especially though in good music, that it would be the best. And I'm sure Ayahuasca could hugely inspire them in music too. Another thing, if they were actually doing these ceremonies without an Ayahuasqera/o they would have needed to come out with music in the ceremonies to get by, and they probably experimented with singing and stuff in that space too an got really into that. 

So like, frankly, my own experiences with doing music for myself in ceremonies is like this : It's obvious in every ceremony that without singing and music you are fucked. The music is definitely the only way to get through it well. You get the obvious distinct impression real fucking fast that you're lost in a dark chasm until you get the music carrying you. Now, early experimentation or work with doing song, I must say often sounds bad in retrospect or to someone who knows better I suppose about how it should be done, but certainly from the inside of the experience it can be soooooooo healing and incredible to do it. And not everyone's aware of sound healing and all that, but in the discipline of sound healnig, the human voice (your own voice) is known to be the most healing insrument that can be used. Well Ayahuasca takes that way to th enext level. Ayahuasca really creates that experience where you just singing at your best try to be respectful for the medicine in that space, really can have a healing and beautiful effect for you. 

So what I'd say is, they were probably more than enchanted with that experience with music. I believe what happened is, they got incredibly impressed with Ayahuasca's wisdom and intelligence that they could sense so well in these ceremonies, and got the idea that Ayahuasca knows all things, has the power and is like God, to any miraculous ability from this medicine to affect you and work with you. So they felt totally confident by far to ask the Ayahuasca this request to make them musicians in such a way which would be the most famous band. 

Now I must say, my own experience in early days of Ayahuasca was nowhere near as confident as to ask them for something that grand in music, and didn't have the courage to ask for stuff that's outside of the traditions of the medicine. I was confident very early to ask the medicine to make me an Ayahuasqera, but the whole idea to want help to do other kinds of music outside of their space in the world didn't even occur to me. But in my case, that's because of how I was trained. I was trained by the top grade, and I'd say my supporter as I call it, was literally like best of the best of the absolute best, when it comes to a gringo. He's a gringo from the white countries, so technically that's not as hardcore the extreme level that you have only known Peru since birth, but still it's as good as it can get, and I think total considering the power of the medicine. But the problem was, he was involvedin a very hardcore relationship with his guide who was a very very VERRRYYY bad person. 

What I think happened was just that this horrible rapist and evil person who falsely claims to be an Ayahuasqero but totally is not one, and is the hugest asshole there ever lived, totally was going around raping women constantly and doing all evil, and my own supporter actually saw the damage being done and decided to pretend to be his student and on his side for a long haul, in order to protect hte women around him and offer additional support to his victims all the time supporting and fostering all these people getting hurt by that man. And that's the crazy thing that happened to me, I was raped and violated on so many levels by my supporter's "guide" whatever, teacher, whatever - but not for real. But at the exact same time, I met my supporter, and that way I had the ultimate quality. He took me under his wing completely and put his whole heart and soul into protecting me for a lifetime as best he could. He did the best quality of support and it was not his guide that took me officially under his wing other than in his shallow illusions on some very unattached levels anyway, and so I was alright but not without some trouble. 

See my trouble was, there was a very rigid vibe always coming off my supporter's guide. It was like soldiers or shit like that, like you have to act all proper to this and that blah blah blah, not at all rooted in just freedom and listening to the medicine. Like for Kurt and Krist, I can totally see if they either found the medicine alone, or they did find an excellent supporter like I did who didn't have those kinds of sketch factors like mine, they would really have the courage for sure to ask for epic shit like "make me famous in a band" when they understand that has nothing to do with Ayahuasca's classic motives. But thankfully for me it was so meant to be and I don't regret not asking to become famous in my early days. Anyway, they would have totally said yes, cause turns out even from back then they had that eventual later plan in mind for me anyway themselves. And that's how I became connected on this level to Kurt Cobain was through them. 

So then what happened is, Ayahuasca started totally going in with the teachings and the inspirational visions and healings that would be necessary in order to get them famous. But her'es how I think it went based on my experience. OK, Ayahuasca doesn't say yes to something formally and agree to a deal unless it's 1000000000% infinitely solid for sure GUARANTEEEEEEEEED to the bomb that it will work out. Like in a big huge formal yes, that is. And probably you should se eit out for quite a few ceremonies to ensure the yes is a real big formal yes with some important issues for sure. But for SURE with the biggst thing, it's always that. There is simply no chance the plan can fail. You learn thi slsson so fast in Aahuasca : They are all knowing and all seeing. They KNOW THE FUTURE. They know ALL. 

So they were totally for sure not willing to stop ever doing Ayahuasca forever. Just like me it was a full calling. It's not for everyone on that level, but for them, a billion percent obvious it was all that. To me. That's my opinon. So they carried on the journey just taking Ayahuasca as much as they can really, to get the best help on how to get their band together and generate the music. 

Now one really cool thing about this is I've looked really deeply at their songs, and I get the definite clear impression that their songs are based on Ayahuasca visions. And by the way, I totally got the same thing from Krist's new band 3rd Secret too and Giants In The Trees. But back to NIRVANA, it's like I can JUST SEE IT what the visions must have been like — and it's a total whole body healing experience not just a picture and idea — for Kurt with the way his lyrics came out from that. Like it's easy for me theoretically to break apart lyrics that they look to me for sure like they came from Ayahuasca visions which I can JUST imagine so easily what that would have been about and been like.

Like so many of the songs, it's like it's from one big Ayahuasca ceremony that one song even. But then there are some songs that seem more like working with rigs of things that they now understand only from several many ceremonies over time, got them eventually getting some complex understandings that they learned how to work with on their own, and based on a template of the guidance they knew how to basically deal it out themselves off that platform of learning from the medicine. But either way actually. I mean it probably doesn't matter that much if I write a list of each one and say if I thought it was from one ceremony or multiple, cause really it's all a mix. It's all a mix of both in acuality, however you slice it. But I can just see it, it ws like one big night was Polly, one big night was Swap Meet. These stem from the types of things Ayahuasca would totally love to teach some nights usually. It's classics of the medicine but made into something so perfect for Kurt's music career. 

But also with jus the sound of the band, that too. This would have led into a lot of teachings about how to feel the music emotionally, how to be fre ein music and believe in yourself ina nything, how to work with the instrument in a way that works to make you feel connected to it and really connected to the sound, and even how to access resources for improving your techniques, just in the world out there. And probably also the medicine got into other inspirations in other bands to consider and think about for how they were doing sound. Totally honest, knowing the medicine well, I bet you they said things like "I'll tell you who else in the band world has been doing Ayahuasca, I'll give you a big tip about hwo else has been upt o this stuff, so you can see it in their songs". And that would have inspired them as well.

But carrying on in the story. So it goes on though, that the medicine has this huge plan on how to get them FAMOUS-FAMOUS. Like not just famous, but fucking top of the universe famous like nobody's fuckin business famous, like NO ONE DOESN'T KNOW THEIR NAME. Household name way beyond just a household name, you know? That's how famous they are is they're like way top of the household name pile, where no one doesn't have NIRVANA as a household name no matter what kind of ahousehold this is (lol). Even today way later, too actually.

So what Ayahuasca taught them was that he should do his whole career like this : The whole thing is planned from the start that he will fake his death at the end. At that point, he will exit stardom and go to Peru to live the medicine life full time as his next career, but Krist will stay back. And that story, they were taught that as best friends they will be separated way later in life by a faked death, but always remain connected from a distance at that point. That's a lot to process as brothers both getting the same message from Ayahuasca. In fact actually, sometimes even the fact that Ayahuasca would confirm the same stuff to both people separately feels really huge as a big experience you can share together. But yeah no, this was a plan for their lives. 

And now that's the kind of thing Ayahuasca would actually provide, is a very real set of instrucions for a real plan. It's not all abstract and random in Ayahuasca visions, it's totally like meeting with someone professionally for a real thing, and could be a job (lol). Could be like meeting the person who will be your future employer and they are just rraining you for a job and you will then have that as your life's career. It's literally all that level. Like of course not everyone has experiences like that but that' sbecause they don't ask for things that huge and they aren't feeling that calling to work for ane mployer without pay or benefits like retirement money acually guaranteed and insurance and shit like that (lol). Like actually it's rare to actually put your neck out tha much as to wnt it with this kind of a path which doesn't technically guarantee anything and doesn't pay, but yeah. It happens and that's exactly what happened to me, and I'm sure that happened to them.

So this whole idea that Kurt would fake his deah at the end had to be programmed fully into how it woudl all be done from the very start, as the entire thing would be such an art piece. Now like, all the stuff about it that it would look like a suicide or a murder, all that was fully emotionally processed at the start as the biggest challenge involved for sure. But also I think what they probably learned from Ayahuasca is likely one thing I myself have actually learned from Marilyn Manson which is just that the machine that drives the system seems to feed on death, so the thing is, with this crazy machine that consumes mortality and aestheticizes death making it into a product or a commercial engine, per se, this is the secret of how to make it in the business sometimes. Like if it looks like your mortality is being consumed slowly and you're going down, and you seem to be in a downward spiral or into some dangers, that can often create the most popularity based on fear of death like fear of danger. 

So they totally engineered it fully that they would look like they were going down, progressively throughout the career, especially Kurt. And just every little micro detail of all their art was this fully crysalized piece by Ayahuasca to get this perfect tot the faked death, and they were taught exactly how to pull that off later. And this would involve a lot of lying and acting and faking and stunts, but with the lying they don't mean it to be rude though. The medicine didn't mean rudely. So they created it as best they could so that whenever they'd lie, it was always just like an artistic code though — one that you could totally interpret and decode if you cared to really look deeply with love — to lovingly undersand the truth at least perhaps through ome language within it as a vehicle for higher undersanding and multi layered undersandings which could be beneficial and growht oriented. 

And that's the key about it was that the whole career, it was so not designed to seem just depressing and make it seem you might want to commit suicide if you like Kurt. I twas the total opposie. It was designed that if you could read these layers and these codes, you'd find it was encouraging your self-eseem and self-empowerment in such a way which would be resilient and stable against suicidal ideation. And that's the types of stuff they were into for sure is hoping it would heal through music too, and I think a lot of people said the music was actually emotionally healing for them. And believe me that' shte type of thing they love to hear (lol) <3. If it was coming off like actually emotionally healing for depression — bingo. Taht's what they were trying for even just in sound and empowerment language of their bodies and freedoms and flows and all that, if not the meanings. 

But the meanings were a bit more of a tough deal that if you don't know the secrets and you can't get that they might be lying about things or faking anything, you're pretty stuck. In some things but not too much I think. 

But anyway, the really big thing is, it's such a weird topic about secrecy and faking shit and being all liars and all that in bands. Like you know, secrecy, veils, quiet background realities and cultish quiet deeper layers, these themes all come out differently with different bands. I'm really into some darker bands that ar really into that stuff but it's in different ways for each one. The bottom line is, there's always some better quality shit that really it would be so cool if people would understand it but they can't exactly risk putting that on the front end of the band. If they did that, they coudl lose popularity sometimes and it would just not even be as organized and proper about how to communicate themselves on the front ened anyhow. But they love the idea of intrigue into the band for secret inner chambers too for deeper fans, cause they do appreciate being more fully and thoroughly recognized, and of course this lends well to that cultish fan obsessed following type of thing. So that stuff really is always good for a band. 

So this was in this particular case, given by Ayahuasca what kinds of a secrets and veils to be having in the band. It started sometimes to look scary like hte band secret is that Kurt is planning to commit suicide, and I guess that's the kind of thing that sells though. So that's how it was all engineered with the medicine that way. 

And just, in other bands, it's really different because every band is so artstically and personally unique to the people. But in this one case, it was actually a real case of a guy — Kurt especially and also Krist — just being a guy who actually wouldn't ever normally as their personality keep secrets actually or be fake. It's obviously not their style, do you know? Like the vibe of grunge and them, they were about being a natural organic state. I think that's what grunge was about was like, it was misinterpreted i believe as just a low energy no effort state or something like that but it was more truly about things like naturalness and the value in sacred biological states. I can really imagine the type of stuff Ayahuasca would have taught them about how grunge itself actually is so Ayahuasca. Things like the natural state of a substance you would consume, that you wouldn't alter it or tarnish it with adding onto it and harming upon it with a structure, being so the point and how the best medicine is made. 

I'm sorry, to coninue my broken sentence : It's a case of a guy who naturally would never normally be all secretive and cultish and freaky like that, taking that on and embracing it for some odd reason which doesnt' seem like how he would be as a guy. And that's one critical point I find so incredibly interesting here is that Krist and Kurt being all hopped up on Ayahuasca REALLY IS THE EXPLANATION for what I've been saying all along that they were sooooooooo coded and secretive and doing fake routines like acting and stuff like that. I mean to fake a death really really requires a lot of skill but people don't think of these laid back guys as even having much big intellectual skills per se like such a weirdo thing as to do such a crazy trick on everyone as to fake a death. Like it's weird, and not a normal guy thing, but when they were taught all this, that's the explanation here. 

It must have felt good for them actually as relaxed types that don't necessarily wash their hair every few days unless it's a special occasion and stuff like that just out of laziness haha, to realize that it's actually that easy — they can just do that style and that's a perfect way to actually get famous as a band (lol). That being grunge, that's so cool. They might have thought of that themselves actually too. But I'm sure Ayahuasca had a way big time with them going on and on about how they are already so perfect just the way they are. They don't have to do anything like get all decked out like KISS, like pump up at the gym, wear epic makeup, get styled outfits and all that. Cause I KNOW, that's what Ayahuasca taught me. 

Like for me, Ayahuasca did the healings that I'm an ultimate master as I am. They've confirmed my "belief" aka realization that I'm a fully enlighened master, so much you can't believe. But I only reached enlightenment in 2017 which was the time when I graduated Ayahuasca and got delivered into NIRVANA from that point. Nto at the exact same time — this was at 2 separate times. I actually reached enlightenment after I graduated from Ayahuasca — I think that last push was the final support that got me there. Then they confirmed that ALL THE WAY in every ceremony after that. But in their special way of doing this thing, they taught me more than just the enlightenment factor. They tuaght me that it's like this mindblowing level about how I always do things so perfectly I can't possibly imagine the level. 

Like my healing journey with Ayahuasca has largely been a combination between a) Learning to realize in retrospect that what I did, said and thought was acting like an ultimate master and strategically SO OPTIMAL beyond belief in so many always I couldn't have possibly seen at the time, and b) Learning to look for that more as I'm doing it and seeing it happening sometimes when that's possible to, and c) Combining the two. Like now that I've seen myself in retrospect doing things so perfectly for strategy so much when that wasn't apparent, I now get the patterns of how I do it so I can learn to do that on purpose way more. And I'm pretty sure it was a little something like that with Kurt and Krist with the grunge thing, like realizing they're ALREADY PERFECT FOR FAME. I'm sure that's the type of styles from the medicine. 

My experience is like this : I feel like I'm not technically all that smart compared to say for example a current fav, Jared Leto for example. Just taking it side by side comparison, it seems like Jared, or another great comparison is Courtney Love, are thinking WAAAAAYYYYY faster than me. Like a speed rate of thought, a volume of thought. OK, those things have been increasing for me year by year in my healing journey. My healing journey has MASSIVELY increased the volume and speed of thought in my mind to extremes way soaring beyond the past. But the teaching has so at the core always been, tha's not what defines intelligence — at least more powerfully speaking.

So when you look at how Courtney and Jared for example have viewed me, two stars who have definitely taken a good look at me, I'm sure what they have seen is that they were stunned by my intelligence. And that's when they are smarter than me by any normal range of an idea. In fact they are thinking so smart about how intelligent I was when I can't even grasp it. Actually while I'm at it, I better mention Tim Skold too cause he's also one like that, too, and plus MM and all his besties are all really into that idea that you have to properly define intelligence, like there is also wrong intelligence which can pass high tests but is all messed out. But that's just the thing is that there's been a deeper intelligence in me that works no matter what I think. I could be totally forgetting it all and I'd still do the smartest shit. And it's the most beautiful story how my intelligence has been adored by stars I look up to who are more smarter than me by the normal idea. WAY smarter, I'm sorry (lol). 

Like we all have that too, that powerful deeper intelligence. But I think for everyone the lesson is recognizing that in themselves increasingly with life. But anyway this is not meant as a self put down. I really believe I'm a huge genius. I'm willing to say it sometimes and I believe it, it's for sure. That's coming off so brainiac these days, but I still don't compare to Courtney and I can tell Jared's WAY over my head (lol). And look at Tim, English is not even his first language and he's mastered it like beyond anything I've practically fuckin seen anywhere, hard to match in the greaetst icons with language work. But all good, it's no worries, I feel great about myself. 

But while I'm at it now I should mention, if Kurt didn't seem like the smartest guy sometimes, believe me Ayahuasca would get that worked out. I think though it's not right to even say this, everyone thinks he's smart, right? Well he's commonly underestimated, though. 

Anyway, so that's about what I have to share about the Kurt and Krist stage of the band. Now going on from that time in the band history, it did go on to geting more ready and professionalized with a drummer. So what happened is, they went on to drummers and I think the first one was the guy ... FUCK what's his fucking name?! OK Chad. That's it hahahaha. Chad Channing. OK they went through a few drummers I think but Chad's th eperfect example. I think with Chad what happened is, they totally tried really hard to get him into the band by getting him to do Ayahuasca, and what happened is, Chad saw in Ayahuasca that it's for sure true the band will be famous, but he also found out that it was going to suck quite a bit harder than he was personally that down for if he pursued it all the way. Or maybe Ayahuasca told him it wasn't meant to be in the long run.

So I think he might have been a little tricky about the issue and a bit guarded with Kurt and Krist just for long enough to be seen as having been part of the band and get in with the money it was going to mean but then he ditched out. Now, I'm quite certain it looks like Kurt and Krist didn't see that coming. It seems to me that they were SUPER UPSET that it didn't work out because once Chad was no longer bound by the band's interests to the same degree, there was a fear that he could release their secret. They wanted the band's secrets to be kept so ordered inside the band only and not going out into the world into random chaos factors out there. 

So what they thoroughly decided was that from now on they have to keep it secret between Krist and Kurt, just praying Chad wouldn't tell, and go on like that. So when they got Dave Grohl to be hte drummer, what i was was like not even styled out the same way like looking for a DEEP BRO that they for sure would get along with enough that they'd for sure mututally want to want to do Ayahuasca ceremonies to that level together as so totally part of the band rules you have to totally be into this and keep doign ceremonies (lol).

So that's how they got diversified into more polished types that come in just trying to impress in a commercial edge and a type of appeal that would be like sexy, a hot band guy, or well organized like for work and actually good at what they do more from a technical standpoint and all that kind of styles. Like Dave was a clean impressive type. He became the mommy of the band in that sense, always cleaning up after them and encouraging them to wash their hair (lol). But of course, I don't mean to put Dave down at all. It's not like he was only that type, just as if such a regular Joe and not even deep. Everyone knows he's a wonerful person in every way, he's absolutely so NIRVANA to the core, there's no question. He's no less NIRVANA to the deepest core than the others. But it's jsut that his notions of how to impress them at the time were entirely normal or something like that and that was finally enough for them after Chad, so they scored the best, Dave Grohl.

So what they decided was to slowly work with Dave to teach him the secrets just in some kind of a code but keep the band secrets from him. And then the fact that they had these huge enormous secrets from Dave really did start to become a bit of a freaky running joke in the band for sure where it was like Dave was feeling left out and somehow not part of it. And I think Dave actually was a strong person about that, plus Krist and Kurt were for sure aiming to be really nice to him as well, cause Ayahuasca is all about love and kindness too. And Dave picked up that vibe too. So it went on to like fun jokes in the band just done up as best Dave could, that it's like all these pranks that he's somehow not as deep into the band he supposes, but that seems ironic and contrary though to any real band, so it makes no sense ultimately. 

And ultiamtely that's right it made no sense on larger levels, because Dave is very intelligent and able to pick up on things. I think he got the code language and the subtle hints and styles that Kurt and Krist were taught by Ayahuasca to use on him in order to help him through the lessons. And this way, they taught him the great ways as best as they could, how to cope with it later when it would appear locked in true that Kurt had committed suicide or perhaps been murdered and was dead. And I feel it wasn't cruel how they got that over to Dave enough.

Dave was prepared I think but also knew it was a secret, so you have to respec it was quite a balancing act for him to deal with that dual paradigm there. And without Ayahuasca I don't know if it was the same type of level. Who knows how much Ayahuasca he might have tried but it was optional in the band at that point, so you know, if he wasn't that down, he might not have done it that much. But I'm sure Ayahuasca gave him healnig and preparation too. But it seems Ayahuasca didn't exactly just break the secret and tell Dave at risk of band secrecy, to preserve his freedom to leave the band without causing damage to it at any point. 

So coming around to Pat, I'll just quickly say, Pat joined the band way later than Dave once Dave was really established so deeply and so well, and everyone always said that Pat was like the glue that holds the band together, the most harmonious addition. So I think for sure that shows me that Pat was into drinking Ayahuasca you know? Looks like it. 

OK so yeah, so I'm almos done this. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I believe teh whole theme of the Foo Fighters with Dave Grohl is about censorship. I think that's the entire core of the Foo Fighters and that's why they use comedy as part of it. They use comedy so you can laugh it off, call yourself crazy but just crazy for jokes, to say censored issues. And the reason I believe that theme was chosen by the Foo Fighters is entirely because of this story of Dave Grohl in the band with so much censorship in the band that he couldn't know what was going on or be told, and had to guess, and so much story around it that he couldn't tell if he figured it out. And when Kurt Cobain "died", faked his death, that must have sucked for everyone not being able to be more honest about that issue, and I bet Dave kinda felt bad about that so he wanted FF to be about the issues that it's not fair, but censorship is real. 

OK now all of that information I just told you there, all of that I found out without having ever talked to any one of hem in person in my life. And the way I know all that is obviously all through Ayahuasca, but what do they know about me? So I'm just goign to say right now what I think they basically prety much know about me, from what I can figure. Like from Ayahuasca and any other psychedelic plant medicines mostly. 

Again, the reason I'm saying this is because I think later if they ever told me in private that this happened, it would not be good if people thought they said that cause it needs o be private. But if I say his openly here in this time before I've talked to them, it's definitely true it's not because they said this that I think it. 

So here's what I pretty much think, OK? I think Ayahuasca has been going into various bands, not just NIRVANA. One that I know is The Beatles. I think The Beatles knew that I was going to be born before I was born because of Ayahuasca visions that actually predicted my birth. They knew I was going to be born into the church as a girl. A female born the daughter of a priest which means it must be an Anglican Minister then cause only they are allowed to marry, so that's it. They also knew it would be in Ontario. They aso knew I would experiment with psychedelics at an early age, which is true a young girl only 13 I tried mushrooms.

And then somehow they knew it would be like the most explosive thing to happen in bands of practically all time what would happen with me to do with Ayahuasca, at least in Ayahuasca ideas what it would mean to the future. They knew, what happened in my life would have to do with changing laws around psychedelics and getting the best changes that the mainstream entertainment media such as their types of bands, can have Ayahuasca as part of it in some way bigger ways. And this would extend into way larger media paradigms. And they knew, they would be the grandfathers of a multi generational path to get this girl supported to become famous, as that would transform media and culture radically and forever for the very best.

And tha whole OPP conspiracy theory with the band with Billy Shears with The Beatles, that was about me. The OPP was a reference to the police in my location when I was first doing psychedelics, mushrooms. It was about the faked death stuff that they knew was going to be part of it, with identities and faked identities and how this comes into law with psychedelics. Which is abstract but that's like what I know. 

They were taught of me as like the future predicted patron saint of Ayahuasca in the media. 

Now, later, NIRVANA got all that. From their end so lucky they got to play the biggest part. Then Courtney Love got all that, knowing she would also play the biggest part too by being pracically Kurt's equal in all this to an extent with HoLE in her other way, and staying behind to steward after his faked death. By the way, she totally obviously got in with all that Ayahuasca with Kurt and there were no secrets from her cause she was the wife having the baby to stay behind. So that's why Kurt didn't hold back on her with any secrets no matter what. 

So then, NIRVANA found out that I was already born by that point when they went on with Ayahuasca for their band. I was a small child then. They also found out about the laws wih psychedelics and stuff like that like The Beatles, and they found out that The Beatles knew. They figured out that Billy Shears thing and got that all understood that it was about me. So it was actually a secret theme from Ayahuasca's teachings from the start that they knew that I had to go on in my path, become an Ayahuasqera in my adulthood, and I would carry this message that Kurt is alive for his sake to support NIRVANA on the other end. That way, in their minds, I was basically iconicized as something of a patron saint, an angel, some kind fo a diva of inspiration or a muse, and a core muse and higher viewed divine being in their internal cosmology. 

Oh and things like miracles out of thin air and incredible miracles might have most likely been taught to any of them, because Ayahuasca always teaches those matters to some degre ewith thier miracle healings of spirit. Things like The 16 KEYS. So I think they also got it that I would have a lot to do with bringing that topic into the mainstream myself actually. And quite a bit about that I suppose. 

So that's why I ge the most extreme experience that I'm revered on a level like that by all of NIRVANA like you wouldn't beleive, and treated as though I'm the most valuable thing on the planet that desperately needs love and protection by a distance to ensure my success. But for some period of time they knew it had to be key that I came up with all this through Ayahuasca and not by them telling me this stuff, so for that and various reasons, they wait for when it's the time to reach out to me properly, and that's logistical issues and a whole lot of bullshit why it hasn't been time yet for them to finaly reach a helping hand maybe just with money and some real one on one support which I could deseprately need. So because of that one issue, I've often felt crazy to believe all this but the spiritual experience I had always iwth them was that it's so undeniably obvious that I'm not imagining any of this, but the only problem is, why don't they reach out? And it took me so long to undersand that and stop feelnig crazy for believing this, and to this day I find it complex and hard to grasp often. 

I feel lik ethe reason they don't reach out is just for reasons of bullshit, chaos, evil, problems, things that don't come out that clear in my intuition. Taht's why it's hard for me t understand that part as well but I'm just doing my best. 

And there's a fuck ton more too I'd like to say as well on this ranting mission here to just to get it out too, just about legal stuff. Just to break the secret, legal activism with structured lawsuits for the sake of desired outcomes for the media's ultimate goals, is the only thing I ever think about in my fucking life, and that's no underestimation. I'll have to say this in another post more. It's the thing is, I joke around that my only one mental illness is just that my entire mind and brain thinks of nothing but "legal activism" as I've termed it. Ethical activism through lawsuits. Taht's the only frame of mind I actually have. I'm a stunning master of it. But all in secret usually cause the code is, if the enemies don't know it, hey won't expect i coming, then we can trick hem to sue them better. But listen just legal activism is mybelief of what all this has really been about. I know everything there is abou legal activism pracically I feel. Except things I can't know because tha would spoil the plan how it would work, but I assure you, the plan is things like what I said above (lol). 

There is a lot of lawsuits that are in motion around me right now. Many bands have actually grouped together in a cult-like way to capitalize financially on the process of removing obstacles to teh goals of getting me into a better position in my life. This was always the crux of why I was prdicted and propehcied by the medicine to The Beatles and so on. It's because due to my birth as daughte rof a minister, I was categorized into a type of downfall. By this day I would be long dead were int not for the lawsuits of this group. It's a coalition that forms in many different organized clusters in different times. They use surveillance in legal methods to stop and catch violations against me. I see this happening all the time that they are stopping things that would have otherwise happened, and it appears to be through lawsuits. Lawsuits that are kept secret so that they can continue to work as a running mission ongoingly. 

Ayahuasca has fully gone into that so much I can't begin to explain. Taht's not just how my brain operates just as a well oiled machine, a hyper machine, like the divine code in the centre of the universe designed for legal activism. It's probably how my brain was made to work by Ayahuasca, you know? As one with the mediine though, it's also my natural state. 

Now, I am working with them actively and aware of that fully. To each other, we both know and understand fully to each other for sure mututally understood, that even without them contacting me at all, we are dong lawsuits together collaboratively. I'm not getting papers, I'm not getting lawyers, I'm not signing NDA's, but someday I wanat to sign their NDA's from NIRVANA man. But yeah no I'm not even involved with any papers but I'm doing alwsuits just from my end, not for fun but because my life depends on it. But I admit it can be fun with NIRVANA the greatest band in the world being the main leader of it. But I'm a skilled pro at understanding how lawsuits work in this way. It's way advanced knowledge far beyond any sense of a norm whatsoever, but it has abstract forms to the way I think it out. I don't think the exact legal jargon but I think creative thought forms that work out to legal jargon in some way. And just work for strategizing through real lawsuits. 

Eventually these lawsuits will cause the laws to change because when this kind of an effort is governing so much, and going through so much activity, it can change larger paradigm issues and all. So that's the future. 

And I know it sounds crazy with the lawsuits, like how do they get the money to sue, how do they find the time? Well they have an Ai driven intelligence they are using which is very elite, and they d have a financial pool they have been sharing and mixing with which is from the larger body of the history of how this has been done since earlier in time before even their band. Nowadays I guess some elite form of AI intelligence that can actually use surveillance in legal methods must seem not as far out and crazy to believe in than it used to. Now that we'r ein the age of AI, my earlier ideas are being proven more believable these days. Well trust me, I'll be proven right about this later : They hava. much higher more elite type of AI which normally you'd think is only reserved for militia. The laws seem to state that this type of advanced intelligence is reserved only for that, but somehow they have it. That's what I know. It's totally able tob e used legally for these lawsuits they're doing. And that's how it's so easy and acccessible for them to participate when they are such busy people running bands and all that. 

And one thing I found out totally was that in Canada, it's totally legal for them to have surveillance on me if it's with my permission, and what they've done is used the intelligence to legally gin my permission enough even without talking to me directly about it. And they can use it on me to keep me safe from predators. 

And right now lately, I have been crying for help on the website asking for help, crying as if public online messags perhaps to htem is the only way I could get a message to them, but I admit that's completely untrue that I believe that's how to reach them (lol). I'm sure they already know everything that's on my phone from the perspecitve of already being involved with lawsuits about it already. But what I believe is that right now, they've let it get way worse than ususal with the amount of issues at my work and such a problem for me in my business, because tehy dont' like to admit that it's by surveillance that they know that cause that freaks people out. In the general public that's really fucking terrifying scary shit. They an't have that image. So what they've done is forced me to do a little song and dance routine on the website where it's as if I'm acting liek I dn't think they'll know anything about me unless I say it here for them to read, as if by personnel researching for them on the site to catalgoue and simplify whats up, by that they find out just when they have a chance to check in lightly. But it's quite the opposite in this intelligence they're using. 

But tht's just for a show. What I think is going on is like, as if in response by somehow finding my cry for help on another thing on the site, they will give me a job, and right now I think it's from 30 Seconds to Mars it's going to be, I hope too. And it's actually fake that it's from that how they found out but we're gonna pretend. We're just gonna pretend they barely found out that I'm in atrouble. Cause what's up is that from way earlier they always knew I needed a job from them as the ideal, but they couldln't do it yet cause there was too much not yet finished in the lawsuits and too much predatory danger to their needs and mine, and it would not be possible yet. But I think I'm pretty sure it's about there, going to be possible I think / hope. Finally. So now just pretending it by that they serndipitiously figured this out or whatever and so they responded as loves. 

But there are layers and levels of how it will look, just if you look more closely you can find out probably what happened is Jared was already really into NIRVANA to the depth that he got in with them long ago enough to find out about me quite a while back, and he finally realized he could have a chance to give me this job and help me much more, and he was honoured to take that on. So he started a deliberate proces of trying to appeal to me through my intuition at that point in the story. Because they've totally learned how to get me to pick up intuitively fro them. It's a skill and something they know well how to do. And sometimes I have gottne the wrost intrusive thoughts and issues sometimes about Jared, this happened twice, feeling it coming up as if he's bad at doing intuition on me or something, and things like that, but it was not true. It's just that negative harmful violators trying to harm against us who we will sue, can also have a negative psychic effect. Taht's all it's been. 

I feel to be honest at this point, i really feel by now that Jared's classic enemies, like the types of people who spin lies about him claiming him to be an abuser, have actually gotten totally entangled right in with my own enemies. My enemies are a larger story than just my arch enemy Delvin and CoSM Chapel of Sacred Mirrors - that's practically just a figurehead designed to be a cool show I can talk about when the real enemies are the pervs in the instuititons like the financial, religious, medical, other institutions of power just in organized crime no one wants to think about. But I just know they're entangled in wiht that stuff and ver guilty actually within that entanglement of going against me. But what they're doing is dragging that stuf in wiht them into the story so that it can get sued. They're like martyrs, but honestly such a real genuine enemy against me though anyway. 

So anyway, what it is is just not a celebrated martyr in my opinion considering how much direct harm they've done. But yeah it's about larger structures being harm reduced through practically a figurehead of a sort just to within the iconic life I live and who'd be my perfect arch enemy to have on a show. 

Anyway yeah, so that's what I'm experiencing. It's like I'm in a show that isn't famous but it's as if so in some energies because it's a really big deal to legal activism and it's viewed with hyper intelligence. For lawsuits reasons and love and art good reasons of the highest and all my true destiny. And then I'm always kinda thinking, I should engineer a simpler version of the story for online than I really believe is going on. Just to make it clear on an easy show so that people can even process it. And that's why I kinda am like acting as though sometimes it's as if no one will ever know anything unelss I say it on this website, an dit's as if by luck I might get a job. 

I know they're going to hook me up always just as much as they can at all times, and I just want to say, it's been the greatest time to finally get some real direct connection to Krist from NIRVANA and Jared and Shannon from 30STM as well as the others who have, like Mansn's wife Lindsay. When that happens for me, that's confirming what I know about this legal activism. It has been that. That's what I know it means. But I just feel much more comfortable usually to pretend it's not that, and pretend it's normal like I'm just lucky they reached out to mea si fpurely from a surface level they liked how I was looking like as an outside sheen like skin deep to what they can find on instagram and more just that (lol). And that's because of my instinct for lawsuits. I just have an inwired natural lawsuit instinct. I try to hold the secrets tight. 

But it's time to spill it. And the problem is, I'll be viewed as crazy by some for what I've said. But I'm sensing progress in the lawsuits to allow for this right now. I'll give you an example. I just know my enemies will find this and smear it around that I'm crazy for all this. Oh I mean obviouly you kow? But it's a classic piece, probably right after they do, I'll get the job from 30 Seconds to Mars and then anyone who's heard that shit will think they're humilated now for having teased me about it. 

Now that's the hugest classic lawsuit typical standard bottom line ALWAYS FUCKIN DONE perfect strategy. I have to teach at least one good one today incase anyone actually read this as an outsider from having the surveillance just for reading pleasure. If anyone else dared to read all this unbelievable ranting, good for you, unless you're here as a jerk to call me crazy. But for those nice people, here's a good one. Here's what we alway do. We put it out there like we dont' hav a solution to our problems and make it look really bad, then they take that and smear it all over the place against us from a seemingly embarrassing mistake of ours that was just a flub or a loose screw as if of ours, then we simply drop in and prove them wrong in a way totally planned for after that. We present as if we hav a problem there's no solution for, but we do, then they violate us in such a way we know they will, then we drop in with the solution and make them look like the biggest retard to walk the Earth for having said and done what they did. They always fall for that one, it's the most typical thing ever they would fall for and the asiest to do for us. 

The main solution is usually lawsuits but we also have other ones too. We also drop in with huge artwork that makes them look like they didn't have the first clue and exposes them actually as huge assholes and all that for what they did earlier. 

And that's my rant for today. That took me a few hours to write, so I'm going to have to move on with my day, but I'm glad I started this blog for unfiltered rants so that I can just get it all out so that later it won't seem like I got this stuf from them. Taht way it's easier to take credit for my stuff. Frankly this all sounds like a crazy rant right now but I have the skills to drop it in really professionally well done as such a polished front end level of like the most impressive piece of work youv'e ever seen, such a good job, such a kick ass entertaining and educational great show that anyone would enjoy consuming, or at elast of course a certain niche that would be into my style that is, but that's pretty reasonably whoever's down for a read or stuff like that, of well written good stuff. And whatever, some pictures and all that. 

But actually ishould mention, it's like I've overextended myself at this stage if anything because as much as I've done a great job on the show, I must say it's amazing, that's nothing compared to what I could do with money behind me. With money and a real way to make shows like the stars know and do all the time, it would be another story (lolololol). Now THAT'S a humiliation if I've ver fuckin seen one to them (lolololol). Watch it happen someday on the big screen that CoSM is gonig to be so fucking exposed (lol) < ]. Delvin, Delvin Solkinson of CoSM, him and all that gang of cronies over there at CoSM, they're going tobe fucking exposed not just a bit on a sweet show like my usual articles, but ON THE BIG SCREEN SOMEDAY ON THE MOVIES. Oh thy ehave no choice but to embrace that role. 

Yeah Ayahuasca told me that Delvin had ceremonies with Ayahuasca and what happened is, the medicine told him he's going to be sued out his ass and have no choice but to actualy play along with that kind of a movie in the big screen and all that shit, totally embracing the role of the absolute total arch enemy of mine to make himself look like the biggest retard that's ever lived. He's already getting into it so much with Ayahuasca they said, like totally embracing it as such a self-deprecaing humour thing that he can actually get into (lol) </3. And that's what the medicien assures me is going on over there a CoSM while I'm not watching. I haven't followed, I don't even know if Delvin still works for CoSM much, and I have them blocked on all channels big time but they keep trying to unblock themselves somehow technologically somehow, but I keep re-blocking them againa dn again.

But I do know for sure for sure, based on Ayahuasca, wha's going on over there is that they have a self-deprecating humour routine going and ready so that they can emotionally cope with this upcoming enormous humilation on huge shows that's going to happen. And that is why I think I just got a random comment like from TooL recently, It hink cause that's generating and getting ready and TooL was made aware. But anyway I'm going to just say that one on another post. I really wanted to do a post about that sometime about my nice comment like from TooL. It's a sign of the times all thew ay. It's such a huge sign if they would do that to me. The comment was like so totally not the kind that earns likes, it was so low key and chill. It just represented that I like them even though they are associated iwth CoSM which is true, but such a touchy issue though. 

Oh yeah and just to say, like right now all I want is a job, I don't care about making movies at the moment. Tat's just where I'm at emotionlly. But all this connection in my life with Jared and Shannon, especially Jared, from 30STM the band, like it's gotten me into a lot of ideas about tryign to laern movies and shows cause Jare'ds an actor, nd I don't think I know much about that, but I do think Jared knows it all and one day we'll be friends nd he can say some thoughts. But I don't care if he hooks me up somehow or whatever. I really don't. I just think these things work out bst without holding expectations like that. And besides that'st he last thing on my mind right now. I just need to get stabl and into a better place in my life with a better job or source of income or whatever. But I reall believe there's lawsuit winnings they'll be funnelling and that's really more what the job thing is about. I think of it as funnelling money I'm owed just into a job for me which is just. job to do what I already do, UNITY LIFE Mystery School, and get paid for it, and what that will really be is simply getting money I'm already owed funnelled to me in pretend tht it's really for a job as if this is an exchange. 

But I'll tell you what else too. I also think Jared Leto has probably done some psychedelics. I'm jsut saying I'm sure he's probably tried San Pedro at least, you know? Actually I'm guessing even more like Peyote more. Cause that's very American of him to take that approach and I feel that's his USA style on psychedelics most likely is through the Peyote church most likely. But why not try Ayahuasca too? No doubt he must have tried it. Wouldn't that be sick if he had done it with NIRVANA? I'm saying taht right now so that in the future he can tell me that and then my opinon won't be censored, cause I don't watn my opinoin censored to say it just cause that might sound as though he had confessed the secrets. And that's what I think about Jared. And I assume Shannon is similar.