On July 6th I had the pleasure of my first interaction with Cara Santana Leto, the wife of Shannon Leto. This was about an article she had written for ROE Magazine. It was on the instagram post with quotes from the article. It wasn't really that long ago that they married, causing me to follow her and become interested. It was exciting to finally get a chance to read her writing in a real article, cause I would be curious about her opinions. I was pleased to see that we're more like minded than I had known. This fits well with how I perceive Shannon's interests.
Initially when I was reading it, I thought "Oh wow, cool — she's really smart and cool like me and Marilyn Manson only coming from a whole other perspective about the same things". But then I thought about it more and realized, the article I had just written, EXIT WOUND BY MARILYN MANSON ◊ PAGEANTRY, CENSORSHIP AND THE POLITICS OF EVIDENCE is really extremely related to just exactly what she was saying here. But her way of putting it was from a whole other angle and when I thought about the interconnections and dialogue between the two pieces, I really was moved that writing something about this interaction would mean a lot to me. Because it speaks to the other side of this piece which was a bit censored unfortunately. Since the piece was against censorship, it definitely seems I should take this opportunity to mention these views.
But the thing is, it was also way more than the Exit Wound archive for me. It was also feeling so connected to the story I've been telling right here in this Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: and throughout my website and on instagram lately, about how I've been victim to mysogyny and attempted trafficking efforts myself lately (and throughout the years). At first I felt awkward when I was commenting to her. I didn't want to say "and my non-performative writing also speaks so deeply of this right now in 30STM context" because a part of me felt less-than in non-performative arts like this, as opposed to formal articles. It felt like the raw and unfiltered element of that voice was somehow not good enough. But you know me — I quickly released that illusion and had a breakthrough. Now that I think of it, that perfectly illustrates the point I'd like to make about Cara's article. And obviously that kind of more full spectrum respect to what I'm doing here on UNITY LIFE is her truth.
The instagram post had a poll on it. It said something like "Do you think women's stories should be told by them or by other people?" but a bit more nuanced to imply that those other people might be just helping those women perhaps. And this brought to mind why women who have been victim to trafficking or marginalized and forced into the informal economy and sex trade (as discussed in her article), they often don't get heard, and quite often it seems as though the excuse for not giving them a platform is that they are uneducated so they don't have the skills to properly convey themselves anyway. At least not in a way that really lays out the big picture issues at play so that it can be properly addressed and reach people easily. Well you know, I appreciate how education creates educators because I am one, and Cara is obviously educated too, and that does hugely enhance the quality. But there's a much deeper problem here which isn't spoken for and that's hatred, which mysogyny represents and there's so much hatred and possession against the human body (and autobiographies) of any gender in our society.
And I'll tell you a story to explain what I mean. In my writings lately where I'm discussing mysogyny — I've very deliberately misspelled the word. The word is actually spelled misogyny. Why did I misspell it on purpose? Because my point is, if someone is going to say that I don't have as much right to be heard on this issue because I misspelled it, they're illustrating why I do. They know what the word is that I meant and what the word means. They think, "Oh if you've misspelled it that means you haven't used it that much in your writing to the eventual spellcheck aha moment to see the mistake, so that indicates that you don't really think about it much anyway or know what you're talking about here". But when that word is being used wtihin a sentence, a paragraph, an essay which makes such a good point about the issue, they expose their mentality. Their mentality really is that they're just looking for anything that they can say to put it down cause they don't like what I'm saying, or if they haven't read what I said, they just already think they're better than me before checking it out. What is that arrogance? It's mysogyny.
I love exposing that. I enjoy knowing they might have actually said things that against my statements. That should humiliate them, and it's so easy to expose them if it ever comes out.
See, the thing is, Cara's article really inspired me. When I read her words, they really had that educated style that I used to have in my writing but which I've abandoned for the misspelling purpose I just explained. I used to talk in that way, with all this educated lingo. I know even today I use big words but they are not the educated words like I used to do. At a certain point, I started feeling like that sounded a bit garbledigook to talk like that, when they don't know those words. The thing was, I knew it wasn't, but I wanted to disguise my education on purpose. I understood that an educated woman very commonly triggers people. They start getting rude demanding to be catered to linguistically. Uneducated people act frustrated like they didn't understand, and educated ones act like "That's not what those people want to hear, because they don't understand, so this is not well done".
So I decided to just cloak myself and provide the depth in other ways, yet this was such a workaround. Because I'm a woman, I had to go through a lot more effort to be heard, and that included tricking people like that who throw the whole thing out cause of one misspelled word.
And that's one of many reasons why I can deeply relate to Cara's story of being shut down. She's fully educated and providing a totally priveleged woman's perspective on issues that are very important especially to uneducated, improverished, victims etc etc, and saying that all their voices deserve to be heard too. And it's just so interesting that even she would not gain a platform, as well as tragic to realize just how much other people's projections and agendas would play into the impoverished sometimes if they were interviewed or speculated on in a show.
There are some great examples of women's stories being told from a more raw and uneducated place. For example I love Jared Leto's documentary A Day In The Life of America, which interviews a porn actress, and a female addict. It's very well done not to project his story onto these epople. You can feel there's a definite narrative transposed over the interviewees in the piece, and it's the more vulnerable characters that are left without that layer over their story, out of respect. That's free on YouTube, and alsob, I highly recommend to search YouTube for a show called "SOFT WHITE UNDERBELLY" which is mostly an incredibly commentary free space to interview some of the most vulnerable sex workers, addicts, victims, etc etc on the streets. I hate when he injects his ideas, but he usually leaves it quiet to just listen. These ARE mindblowing pieces, but it leaves it so wide open to the hate that people will sling at these poor people and the comments are just insufferable. But considering their situations, that's the very least of their worries.
So I think there's a need for both kinds of autobiography. And I've written a lot on this website about my experiences of being trafficked both in the direct way, actually being victim to abusive and expoitative sex trafficking (when I was only 24). And those people were busted. And I've also written in this Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: about being the victim of 2 kinds of trafficking, one of them invisible entirely and one of them, somewhere in between that fully invisible space and the more able to be caught and exposed. The invisible kind is what I call like "We live in a society. In this world some things just work in such a way as to force people into the informal economy". But the semi-invisible here, it's something that's been harassing me so much about my connection to Jared and Shannon specifically that I had to expose it on this Timeline and in my other archive "A CRY FOR HELP".
And so, considering all I've been going through lately with all this hell, it's so nice to see that Cara is focused on these kinds of dynamics. I love how she has such a clear understanding of the types of trafficking that can't be criminally charged most likely, and you would almost not say that it counts as trafficking, but they really are important to point out and look at.
And then as the second thing to bring up, I want to mention the Exit Wound archive that I felt was related to hers. Like this is such a perfect chance to speak of the unspoken reality within that archive. So, to illustrate what I'm saying, I'm first going to provide you with an excerpt from my archive :
The Excerpt For Context
◊ I’m finding many themes within this song which all weave together to form a message against censorship — something which is very close to my heart. In this case, it's not about censorship by silencing but by substituting someone's voice. Even a dead body can be censored by a coroner failing to gather the evidence from it faithfully. Likewise, a human being who has not spoken up can also be censored by stepping in for them or altering their perspective and/or urging them to speak before they are ready.
◊ In light of the controversies that have surrounded his career, Manson's lyrics often explore the complex architectures of how (mis)information politics function within society. It is educational music with intense emotional depth. This single is certainly no exception. Here, however, he enters into a more intimate and humanizing investigation of how these issues relate to censorship. The song describes how trauma is often superimposed with the agendas of those causing it, effectively authoring the perspective and voice of the wounded.
◊ This generates false narratives carried by victims that ultimately mask the real perpetrators. In this way, the cancel-culture machinery can become deeply entangled with the very thing it often claims to oppose : writing the stories and biographies of victims for them.
◊ The #BelieveVictims hashtag is often promoted along with social media based allegations such as #MeToo, but have we truly learned and skilled in how to listen deeply to victims? And does this type of "believing" without listening profoundly sometimes backfire?
◊ Certain advocates for victims, including many associated with the #MeToo movement, propose that people should believe and collectively act upon whatever a victim claims, while failing to recognize the dangers of attaching so much gravity to a single freeze-frame of their story. This can potentially stagnate and overburden a person's progression of unbinding from trauma-based narratives that mask the real perpetrators and underlying causes. Each perspective is only one frame within a much longer moving picture of healing, integration, and learning.
◊ Adding collective baggage and accountability to amplified statements — along with the need to defend against the backlash that follows speaking out — places immense weight on a single frame of that process. This can fail to provide sufficient support for healing and may even backfire against the victim. Suspiciously, this often works to the advantage of those responsible for the original trauma.
◊ Manson's new single, much like Chapter 1 of the current One Assassination Under God series, provides tools that work from the inside rather than the outside. Through symbolic artwork and contemplative themes, it encourages personal connection with the feelings and questions surrounding these experiences, while still supporting community discussion in a way that remains non-intrusive to a person's biography and conducive to healing and growth.
So like, obviously what Cara means when she speaks of giving people the platform for their own autobiographical content, she means "Of course not in that way", not in the way I explained there haha. Of course, not as bullying someone to tell their story prematurely, making them feel obligated or not good enough unless they tell their story at a certain stage when it's premature. But here's the other side of it which wasn't said really in the Exit Wound archive : Also not just indoctrinating that they should never have the right to speak up, as if from THIS perspective I've delivered here they're anyone to say for that person. Cause they don't have the right to decide for a person weather they should speak up no matter how ethically motivated they make it sound. And it's actually tragic that I wasn't able to say that in the Exit Wound piece, but that's actually real shit. It's a minor danger that people could even read my piece and then use that as ammunition against voices of trauma.
Cause like, Marilyn Manson is actually very woke as a matter of fact. It's not like he's not woke but only Evan Rachel Wood and his accusers are woke, so this is against wokeness if you're for him. But sadly, so many of his fans are anti-woke, totally mysogynistically against people telling their stories. Evan makes such an incredible point when she says that so much of his fan community are dangerous assholes and major fucks. That's a very real thing. And for me, when I cater to the coMMunity, or the Mansonites, it's as if so many of them don't deserve the title coMMunity because they are so sexist and they believe that defending Marilyn Manson is about shutting down victims. Like it's an anti-victim movement to defend an innocent man. And the thing is, I'm a HUGE fan of Evan Rachel Wood, but I can only really say that here in this writing, I CANNOT safely speak those words in the Exit Wound archive. I believe in her so much. They're so obsessed with hatred against Evan (and women and victims) that they would TRASH ME like a motherfucker if I said that other side. I'm more than comfortable with promoting myself as a real friend to Mansonites but that is one issue I face.
I'll tell you why. I really think that Manson and Evan did a genius collaboration together when they created their meltdown breakup for the masses as a work of art. I believe it was all faked and fully engineered very knowingly by them both. I believe in the long run they knew that if they can represent two sides of the ethical struggle around allegations, posing themselves as if fully at war with each other on a mass scale, with all these fans of either side at war about this, they could eventually heal the woke movement of its fracture. There's just this horrible condition of the woke movement where it misses all the subtlety of the necessary ethics to handle injustice in our society by taking it to such an unintegrated extreme. I see healing and breakthrough between Manson and Evan in the future which will force the other accusers to join, and which will make it so that everyone's who's been following this debate from either side all this time has to meet somewhere in the middle with some real ethics in the mainstream for a change.
And I hugely adore Evan, I think she's my guardian angel in my #MeToo allegations. It's so ironic. In this archive I criticized the woke movement and I criicized MeToo, bu I have a MeToo index on this website which fully has a number of public allegations with an accompanying archive. It's in the UNITY LIFE Archive prominently. What I know from experience is that it sucks sooooo much to have to make public allegations just for your safety or for reasons of being forced fully to do that, but when you're in that position, which is super common in the world, you do need a loving community to support you. And all Evan's been intending was to support and be there for women in a position like mine, with zero choice but to put themselves in so much danger by voicing allegations in public. Because there needs to be someone there for those people. She's not at all trying to make people feel socially obligated by a woke MeToo identity in social media being supposedly the only way to show you care about victims, to then have to stand up and put yourself in danger and hurt yourself by doing that too. But that kind of shit happens, and she's against that, especially in her name.
And I'm also so aware of this dynamic when it comes to Jared Leto right now when he's been facing allegations and the Echelon are now faced with having to actually stand up and defend him publicly. And I was honoured to offer a great way of inspiringly defending Jared without taking that kind of an anti-victim stance and it was very well done. The way I did that which is most related to Cara's perspective is by showing that Airmail was the one telling these women's stories, not them. That's one huge flaw. Just taking it upon themselves to investigate, approach these women, and offer them a platform which isn't for them, it's for Airmail. Totally manipulating them to think it's their own chance to speak up when it's not.
But also I was asking the question of how much of this was even their story when they provided these accounts, and how much of it was someone else's actually. I did that in 2 ways : One, by talking about how they might well have been fake people, just deepfakes, because Airmail doesn't provide us with detail about weather they provided ID in person to prove that they're real and Airmail can't check if that was fake ID. But also too, just assuming they were real people, deepfakes on the internet are going around spreading manipulation and trash about Jared in order to try to drum up misperceptions leading to false allegations out of anger for desire of revenge which is for a harm that he didn't cause but a harm in their mind where they have ridiculously cruel expectations and ways of perceiving him. They're trying to make Echelon angry that they haven't gotten further with Jared (sexually or anything) to make them angry and get on a bandwagon of false allegatiions.
And so when I keep going on in Jared's defence, I must say I'm truly inspired by Cara's article in how I do. Cause I would be interested in getting more into this topic, and I don't feel it was as fully covered in the defence archive as I'd now like, now that I've thought about it even more right now. This way of saying it is more hard hitting in some ways.
And this is not as much about Cara in this next thing, but it kindof is. Because writing all this and thinking about it today has made me realize something about the guy from the 30STM staff who approached me and behaved in horrible unauthorized, damaging ways. I remember now one trashy thing he said about how the First Peoples are "being too much of a victim". He usually didn't talk trash like that at all, so this stuck out. It was really soooo crazy to have my second experience of being like assaulted by their staff. Which by the way says a lot to how much I deserve the job I've been asking for from them (lol). Because it's a joke in a way, since their reason for having bad staff is of course strategic, but I must say this situation of being assaulted by their staff seems to say "They should fire those staff members, and put the money that was going into their pay, right into me, as a way to apologize for all this". But the truth is, they don't owe me any apology though, because I know they hired those bad staff to help me.
I think they tricked my enemies at CoSM by hiring one of their people onto their staff, acting unwittingly fooled by CoSM in that. And this was a case of "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" as the strategy. It was so that CoSM's harm could be not only harm-reduced and monitored within a staff scneario where they have at least some control, and then of course exposed under supervision of the role. And it's a crazy story how CoSM seems so impressive and so high end intelligent and even ethical but it's in such a shoddy way with such a fake exterior. The process is, again and again, seeing past the intelligent exterior to break it open what was deeply fucked up about it on a deeper level, to expose how things need to have a more full bodied ethical composition to them in order to work, and how manipulation works this way. CoSM is so beautiful n the exterior that everyone is manipulated by them.
Anyway, this guy was so impressive. He struck me as like one of the most intelligent people I've ever met. But yeah that seemed so out of place when he said that the first peoples are being victims. The way he was talking was in a code language. Normally he'd say something knowing what I would probably think and say back, in order to speak things like "I want to hear from YOU. What are you saying about this and that". As one of many complex examples I could give, it was way higher level than just that one trick. A lot of people do that of course. But he was yeah, saying things that weren't really what he means, and I understood that as a code. And so when he said that about the First Peoples I took that as his message from 30STM "We see some potential issues with the MeToo index you've provided on the website. Do you worry that this exposes you to dangers and is this the highest way to carry yourself as an active defender of Jared Leto?".
Now, I don't think that it's even good really for 30STM to actually pay me for my defence work in any way. That conversation was paid for. So I ignored his question, not only because it was like hard to answer to as such a big question posed on such a more immediate level like a big long "Think about it please". But when he just threw it out "Oh I think that about first peoples sometimes" I took it as a question, not a statement. And I've been thinking about that question since he said it, as that was the one question he offered I think that I didn't have an answer to yet. The answer I would give today however, now that I've thought about that guy, is that this is not about me at all and how I present myself and weather I'd be the ideal defender of Jared Leto. It's about him and what a skank he is. Because the way he proposed that with that kind of a direction to it really said to me "I've potentially got an issue with your autobiography about your experiences of abuse. I'm here to take over your voice". And that's something that I think CoSM is ALL ABOUT, OBVIOUSLY, as they have sooooo proven to me through all their abuse. But it's not how Jared would handle it, or Shannon.
Actually what I did think when he said that was "Oh 30STM has had that question? I think what they mean is actually, they want to learn more about this story of how it seems to marry between the two sides of he woke movement between Evan and Manson". I actually thought from the guy that it sounds like they are worried so no problem, it's all good but I'll have to educate them on why they have nothing to worry about with this way I present myself here in this dual way. But now I think they weren't worried at all. I now think you can SO CLEARLY SEE how there was THIS guy's shit perspective vs theirs, in a situation where they advised him to get information from me in paid consult, and he was trying to pretend he was doing their will while instead he was injecting it with his own sabotage on every level possible. And this sabotage was so mysogynistic and degrading.
The thing is, that's a great story I could provide for them in consultation, but they are probably getting the idea already by Exit Wound, and I hope they like learning it here if they check this out. But there's more. Ayahuasca totally told me that one day Evan will contact me directly and the contents of our conversation will become the Part II of my Marilyn Manson defence video The MMII ◊ Marilyn Manson Is Innocent. First of all, all I have to do is tell them the medicine gave mea. powerful teaching about this and their fears are completely relieved immediately and they are sure it must be perfect for them and everything. But again, I dont' think they were afraid at all. Bu yeah the medicine totally taught me that when Evan contacts me, it will be so fun, cause I can present it as a workshop for people to study, if people think Evan was manipulating me. And I'll say that she wasn't, and my view that hse was not, but then Mansonites will love the study just incase I was mistaken. And there's SO MUCH to unpack from that Ayahuasca vision. It means so much and I'm starting to see what it means. It's like about how I've held this vision to be a part of how their war against each other is resolved.
Anyway, haha, this would definitely need to be gone into in way more depth in any consultation. Taht's only beginning to break it open. But what it comes down to is this : It will be so ultimate that I had my MeToo up and I was appreciating so much how Evan supported me in that, when that makes Evan trust me enough to actually talk to me, and what will come of that will be so surprisingly healing as opposed to dividing between them.
But I can take down my MeToo index anytime if I would like to. Right now there is a police investigation against one pedophile who raped me as a child, thanks to the MeToo process, so it's delicate. Very delicate. I could always take it down what I said, but I just need to keep in mind, that case is very sensitive around what my motivations were in reporting it retroactively to an outdated case which is still within statute of limitations but only technically. I mean if CoSM had their way with me, that guy would not get busted I bet ya. They're totally harmful. They just don't want me looking good that I helped get a pedophile criminally busted. That looks too good on my record, that might impress 30STM or someone cool to hire me, so they'd be against it I bet.
But for sure, I'm glad I wrote it here anyway. It's like most peopel won't read these Antechamber Meditations but it's there to find, and it's able to be read, and then anyone who wants to claim that 30STM like paid me for consultation about Jared's defence and that now makes me somehow motivated by money and therefore discredits me as a defender, can get a load of THIS. You know? Cause they're reading THIS, thinking that can be used to discredit me. Just repeat some of what I said and leave it out of context. But the thing is, the context is right here to prove them wrong. And so they would be. You know? It's just like my misspelling of mysogyny. Just go ahead, spread it around that I misseplled mysogyny so I din't know what I'm doing here talking about it, but the article's right there, weather they read it or not. So I can use my articles to busy my enemies with needless tasks and wast etheir time. They're so attracted to just taking one little bit of it and using that against me, but the whole thing's so well documented and clear right online that that's what they have done only.
And that's a great thing to say on a piece that's about how the Pageantry and Politics of Evidence Collection actually relates totally to Cara's article. Even though I guess some peopel would burst out laughing if they heard me say it relates, once they had already read both (lol). Just because they like to be a jerk, you know? (lol). Haha. Because like, that's even what Cara's doing. She's like me, she's presenting an incredible voice that will be shut down, and just collecting evidence all along the way of who shut it down and why that was, and this exposes them. That's just like 30STM, totally doing all this with the staff. I sometimes felt lik ethey were nailing me to the cross putting me with this guy, but that's not fair to them. They were just bringing up a situation that's very serious which is a block to success between us, and making it continue on in such a way that it will be exposed and destroyed by doing so. And I mean, I hope Cara will get her platform and I think her story of it not working out so far will contribute to that so well. That seems to also be her point, and I respect that kind of work.
That's totally the type of thing I do often. You take something which is going to get opposition and just let that happen to it, then create content around how that has happened and show the richness of the original piece up so well by doing that.
You know, one thing I almost wrote before in the Antechamber Meditations about why I'm so perfect for the job with 30STM is this : My art is basically all about putting down people who would be against it. Just like NIRVANA's In Bloom. They said on the cover "Racists, Sexists, Homophobes : Don't buy this album" and then made In Bloom a song that equates homophobes with pedophiles, and the lyrics were "They're the ones who like all our pretty songs and they like to sing along, but they don't know what it means". And that's the thing, they really don't understand what the song means that it put them down so heavily. When they are the ones who would antagonisticaly oppose NIRVANA in thier whole LGBTQIA+ statement which is so central to their band, because they are huge homophobes and aggressive, they are actually humiliated publicly by the album itself 100% (lol). It's like the whole art really is only to humiliate anyone who would try to oppose it.
My art, you could just straightforwardly say it's about ethics. It's about values. It's about beauty. But it's just this angle on my art that you can totally take which is actually ,it's ONLY about humiliating the antagonists who would try to stop it. You could even say that alone and that encompasses it. It's actually both in one. And same is so true of 30STM, that's the whole thing. They admire themselves, they admire NIRVANA, and they admire me, all for these reasons. I'm so punk just like NIRVANA. These are the kinds of reasons Courtney Love admires me, not just in our feminism but in this exact way as that kind of thing. It's really a special thing that we work in this punk way which is so self-protective. That makes for great art because that's safe art, and that's being real about this world we live in, and that's art that really radiates its message in a fuller context.
And that was one of my ideas of things to say in the Antechamber not as an ad to 30STM trying to convince them to hire me, as to why I'd be so good on their team. But as a statement that they've already chosen to do so, as soon as they can, and why that is.
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