The Most Insane Experience of My Entire Life
Starting May 7th, 2026, I started chronicling a series of extreme difficulties in my life which all turned out eventually to be interconnected. All these problems had been an ongoing issue for years, but now started reaching proportions that were way off the scale — which sadly, only escalated throughout the time I was documenting the issue and beyond — until finally, healing arrived. In total, it seems according to my records that the issue was at a crisis state of most extreme proportions for about 5 months — a time which changed my life forever. Every aspect of my life was completely falling apart. It was no longer something I could cope with in silence and I saw many reasons to document what was going on publicly. At the time, I knew my work was being admired by some of my favourite stars. My intention was to let them know what was going on in the hopes that they could help somehow. I started off by seeking some vocational opportunity in the media as a way out of the crisis happening at my work, but found that this series of atrocities had finally succeeded in making me unable to work at all. I eventually felt that my intensive documentation of this period of time would prove extremely valuable, because of how it resolved.
A Rundown of The Problems
This blog was originally centred around problems at work. I've been working as an entrepreneur, technically a sex worker, but one focused on harm-reduction and healing, on and off (usually around 4 years on, 4 years off, ongoingly) since the age of 24 — and I've never seen anything like this in my life. My small, independently run business was overtaken by an aggressive technology / AI based harassment campaign. I was reduced to minimum wage, while being assaulted nonstop through my texts. One time I was raped at work, and including that, 4 times in total, I was visited by psycho rapists. This new pattern of psycho rapists with an agenda showing up at work was scaring me — I had never seen anything like it until now.
At the same time, I started realizing in depth just how much I hate what I do. I became painfully aware that the quality of consent is very low in any situation like this, due to threats to livelihood which are upheld and promoted by Johns on the popular public review board — PERB. Behaving sexually according to specific expectations or wishes of, admittedly deeply wounded and confused men, becomes mandatory at great threat.
That's only the start of how consent is aggressively lowered by many Johns and by the paradigm in general, and my attention being drawn to this issue started making something I used to appreciate as a helpful life hack into a living hell for me. There's nothing more tragic than a sex worker confined into providing when they hate doing it and resent the position they're in.
At the same time, with this going on, I was finding intrusive thoughts and emotional disturbances associated with them were at an all-time high. I can't remember a time when that issue's been as bad for me, except perhaps when I was homeless at some of the roughest times during the 4 years previous to 2021. I had escaped the turmoil of homelessness into my business focused on psychological therapy surrounding intimacy, and my mental health soared to beautiful heights along with the humane benefits of living on a decent income. 4 or 5 years later, this traumatic mental phenomenon returned — but now the intrusive thoughts seemed 95% centred around Jared Leto. It was like living in a constant torture chamber. Strangely, the agenda of these thoughts seemed amazingly obvious, and the story behind what happened was absolutely fascinating to look back on when I finally started to experience solid relief from the issue in the past month. When UNITY LIFE core resources are being produced again, I simply can't wait to tell the story of how all these intrusive thoughts about Jared all started making sense, as I began to miraculously heal from the issue. I am so happy to be able to say that that one issue is now firmly on the path of total healing.
It was obvious to me that these mental phenomenon were able to be described as the product of sorcery, which I call brujería. I put out a UNITY LIFE Archive to describe the type of sorcery I'm referring to called BRUJERÍA ◊ THE AYAHUASCA MEDICINE TEACHINGS OF HARMFUL PERCEPTIONS )). It started to become clear that this sorcery was not just causing mental and emotional states along with specific thoughts, but also physical problems. For example, after I had successfully reached my goal weight this time last year, I was stopped by this power from being able to exercise or control my eating. It wasn't your average loss of self-control — it was like something could affect my brain to literally halt me from stepping onto the treadmill no matter how much I wanted to — and so many other things like that. This way, I went back to being nearly overweight to this day after I had been so thrilled to take control of my weight and my life through the life hack of walking a treadmill while working at my desk for many hours a day.
This seemed like an engineered plan — one of so many — to control how I operate my business by stopping my project of modelling Dita Von Teese lingerie as a creative project which not only sustains me financially but serves as great art within other spaces of my life, akin to the great models of Dita's beautiful Glambassador community. I had felt that having my modelling not just for advertising my business but also as an intermedia art masterpiece (along with incredible articles) on instagram was incredibly precious to me — as well as crucial to my safety. I had been dealing with gossip in the community for years, terming me as a trash whore, based on assumptions and misguided speculation upon the fact that my ads had been found in discreet advertising places. I was a misunderstood figure in the community until I showed up for everyone with my modelling as art, along with my insights, proving I'm a classy goddess. This put the gossip and misunderstandings to shame. That made my art sentimental to me, along with the praise of Dita Von Teese directly for my Glambassadorhood — and that was ripped away from me.
But what started as a lifestyle issue, with weight management and stress, became an extreme medical emergency crisis. What wasn't documented in this blog is that I started rapidly experiencing countless medical conditions leading to ambulance rides to the hospital, countless specialists, and 4 major surgeries lined up (along with one which happened for my appendix bursting). I nearly died. Doctors all agreed based on rigorous testing that these many medical issues were not interconnected by an underlying health factor — this was obviously bad luck. I've called it a curse, but bad luck appeals to me also as a way of describing it. My body broke down completely, and it's a miracle to this day that I still have a home. By now, I hate my work so much that I'd work at a grocery store if I could — but fatigue has destroyed even that option. This curse seemed engineered (all with a big Jared Leto plot going on with it) to basically destroy my livelihood and potentially cause my death — or at least break me like a horse, just to humble me into a submissive state to any control. But thankfully, I was saved by miracles. My upcoming surgeries were almost all cancelled so far, save for one which still needs to be confirmed with a gynaecologist.
I made a point of detailing the miracles in my article about the healing THE 16 KEYS BUCKYBALL ◊ A RADICALLY TRANSFORMATIVE TIME OF MY LIFE )) The quick version of the miracle list (confirmed by bloodwork, ultrasound and MRI with doctor guidance) can be found under the section A Trajectory Towards a Long Predicted Transformation. I expect more to be added. to the list now, as I only have 2 main problems left (bladder issues and fatigue. And the fatigue is starting to improve). Also, for a limited time, there is a rundown of the fuller details of the health crisis and how everything was resolved physically at The Health Blog, followed by a blog which will remain which accounts of this from a medical perspective.
There were also many other problems during that time. Right now it's impossible to detail them all. But one striking issue was a censorship paradigm with my art at UNITY LIFE. Due to the perceived agenda of Jared Leto as presented within the intrusive thoughts, I was effectively barred from countless things I wanted to do with the website, and the artwork I was working on at the time. It just made it into an active torture chamber (or sometimes a brain command) specifically whenever I'd try to do prohibited things, like edit my writing into formal, well edited and illustrated articles as a public resource, work on visual art and accompanying writing for The 16 KEYS SUPPORT TOOL and The 7 of 9, continue on any of my art projects about Marilyn Manson, and much more. I was reduced to only producing long, unedited, exhaustive reading with a casual appeal, and most of it had to be about Jared Leto very specificially — in honour of sae's band 30 Seconds To Mars and sae's good qualities. Because my views towards Jared were positive and I felt that the intrusive thoughts were misrepresenting sae, I was able to still find joy in my work — but the conformity to this restrictive agenda for my art spelled out a huge censorship condition.
As the healing began, I started to find censorship issues I had long faced in my life were being stopped. For example, I no longer worried that people would think I seem crazy if I hashed out some of my more weird art which had been sitting on the back burner for years due to that problem. Also, I came out here in this blog about the seriousness of being a sex worker — something which had always been strictly secret. And I predict that I will be expressing myself in a normal way with much more formality, with well edited and structured writing, and clear larger direction which truly resonates with UNITY LIFE's style, once it reaches an inevitable stage. Even finally getting around to writing this synopsis of the issues I suffered over this hardcore 5 month period as an update to this post is a major step in that direction.
Long, Complex Emotional Rants
Exhaustively long reading with an honest and casual appeal which detail the challenges of this time
This blog may potentially be hidden and saved just for my records at some point. For now, it's still open to read. At this time, I feel there is still some value to just having it chronicled what I had experienced on these days. But with time, as my perspective adjusts in reflection on these entries, I feel new interpretations of these events will take prominence, necessitating the removal of these records.
📌 Pinned )) This is What Used To Be The Main Page of This Post
I can't say that my situation is worse than so many of the people struggling in Vancouver, BC where I live. I'm surrounded by addicts, victims, troubled parents and terribly low paid / unemployed / homeless all around me. For that reason, it can be hard to find appropriate resources without money when I understand that others are more in need of free therapy and similar resources than I am. I also don't claim that my situation is as bad as some severe cases I see so often. However, I'm sure it's best if I would work on a catalogue of some of my difficulties, as I'm finding my life is taking an alarming turn and I see myself as worthy of consideration for a better job. The line of work I'm in right now is not appropriate for me, and has been presenting increasing dangers and threats. Please don't feel any social obligation to read this if you are not concerned. I will be slowly updating this entry as a work in progress gallery of my concerns.
Reviewing The Experience of Crying For Help And The Results So Far
I think I've probably about reached my limit on how much I can really do this whole cry for help blog. This blog is probably just about coming to an end even though more things are obviously going to happen. I've been thinking about it a lot. Sometimes I ask myself "Is this really going to work to cry openly for help like this?", and when I lose hope and things feel hopeless it's like the answer is just no. But I've always gotten my hope back every time, and I would say generally it seems true to me that it will work — except in those hardest times.
How Problems With My Work & Brujeria Landed Me In The ER (Where A Midconduct Incident Occurred)
Note : The artwork below is midjourney art by Ba Adonai.
Imbalance In My Art & Freedom of Expression Since This All Started In May
I've decided it's for the best if I post it just here probably about a problem that's distinctly been going on for me since when this all started in May. The brujeria has been REALLY strongly controlling what I write and produce as art and since I posted about that a bit, I've been feeling some spiritual response from stars aiming to help me look at potential solutions, so I started to feel in a more constructive mood to write more about this just to be clear what's going on.
Monthly Update On How It's Going ... Threat of Losing Motorhome From Missed Payments, Overwhelmed With Stress
The animations below are midjourney art by Ba Adonai ))
Update On How it's Been Going The Last Month - Still Rough But Interesting
It's been nearly a month and I feel I should update this blog. Just so that you know, since I initially posted this cry for help, I've noticed slow improvements at work in terms of the amount of business I was able to get. At the time I posted originally, I had to ask someone to bail me out for $1000 around rent day — and thank God they did but that's a terrifying experience for me. The next month, I had to ask another friend to bail me out for $250, but I was happy to be able to tell my earlier friend I mentioned before that that was the only amount. That was an improvement, and then now this past day on the first, I was absolutely amazed to cover my rent and bills all early — but sadly that's all I was able to take care of was basics like that, and I'm still denying myself some supplements I used to use like collagen. Just spending as low as I can on groceries. So many little things I used to normally buy for myself like a cheap outfit from TEMU now and then or whatever, is all impossible. But at least I'm coming out of such a shockingly scary time. And I can only pray to God this will continue to improve.
Update On How Things Are Going - A New Doll & No Word From 30STM About The Job
I put up my new comic illustrations of me as a doll, inspired by Popovy Sisters dolls. I'm very comfortable with this artwork. I would have taken it much further, but I couldn't afford the time right now that it would take to execute something more complex, and more inspired by Marilyn Manson as I had mentioned. At least, these comics were totally inspired by Manson and his wife Lindsay.
A Follow Up About Animal Medicine Spirit Totems In My Life (Alice Cooper, Jared & Manson, Kurt & Courtney)
Hi, this is a follow up to my last post. I really wanted to get along with visual art, but the thing is, I just couldn't resist following up a bit more about the animal medicine I was talking about. This, as a change from my other posts in this blog, is a beautiful and inspiring story which has some tension but it's nothing severe. Perhaps it speaks of the healing I'm going through if I feel the me-time to just explore nice things like animal medicine, and that's what this is.I think most people are familliar with what an animal totem is. I've been into spirituality my whole life and definitely investigated this quite seriously. OK I'm just saying, what I said about my animal medicine totem of the bloodhound, the story from my diaries — I guess if you haven't read that part yet, I can quote it here for you, but if you've already read it, skip past this next section :
Healing Experiences Combined With Continued Brujería
It felt good to mention on the Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: which chronicles all my interactions with Jared Leto and his brother Shannon, that I had been going through some healing lately. It also felt really good to sum up some of the crazy experiences I've been writing about in this blog into such a healthy and coherent explanation.
Starting to Formally Write From The Revelations In This Blog & Beyond
I just wanted to leave a note here to mention that I've started up with some formal writings — writings designed as a product for a broader audience through UNITY LIFE — from the insights gained out of this blog. I'm still in process with formulating everything but I've gotten a start on it now.
Lingerie Posts Recovered ⨺ Reflections on How That Went
GOOD NEWS. I finally managed to recover the lingerie modelling posts. Yesterday it felt like the black magic curse was like say 75-80% cleared and I must say, I felt MUCH MUCH BETTER yesterday. I did receive a lot of abusive texts and there WAS problems at work (and one of them I almost want to post here, it was a very disrespectful job filling out my screening form for my counselling). But yeah, despite that, things were meshing well enough to keep things moving with work towards the rent, thanks to some previously established clients, while it felt like the evil cursed darkness was lifted mostly and I actually felt great. I really thought this was the result of progress on the other end of things to get this resolved with this staff issue. So, final end of the night after a good day, I just felt clear to restore those lingerie posts finally. And I was totally not surprised if there was a clearing of the staff issue which all day I had been feeling must have happened.
Continuing to Problem Solve The Deletion Of The Lingerie Modelling
Some stuff went down to make me feel that it's time to get more serious about powering through this problem right now and getting the situation resolved, no matter what it takes. Unfortunately, what this problem is may not be very clear to anyone who hasn't been reading the previous posts, so please do consider the story from earlier, in order to be able to follow along properly here.
Spiritual Intuition With Jared Leto & More on The Deletion of My Lingerie Posts
This morning I woke up flooded with the inexplicable sense that I might just bring back some of my lingerie modelling posts on instagram — but I could tell it might not happen just as simply as that, and so far it hasn't. That said, I have to run out the door soon, so maybe later. And for anyone who read the earlier story of what happened and why they were deleted, you know this is a fairly significant thing to happen out of nowhere. I had no explanation in the floor of this idea, but I must admit there is some larger explanation for what it seems is going on with these strange impulses. I should be more honest — they are not fully inexplicable. I'll tell the story here.
The Deletion of My Lingerie Modelling & Following Up On Thoughts / Feelings Re : Jared Leto
It feels good after a while since I last posted about how I was doing to have processed things a bit more and coming along on my personal crisis. I've called this a personal mental health crisis, but I must advise — it's not serious thankfully in the dimension of mental health. I had a great chat with Brother aka ChatGPT about my issues that I've considered so serious, and it seems from our discussions that my behaviour lately (as much as I find it alarming) is no more serious than perhaps a bit escalating more into neurodivergent or nonlinear territory (lol). That in itself, I don't think is a true diagnosis at this stage, but I must say I'm not too worried about it even if it was, since neurodivergent or nonlinear types are honestly the cutest and sweetest people.
Thoughts & Feelings About Jared Leto
I feel kinda bad because recently, when I was having a personal crisis, I wrote a ridiculously long rant in this blog to get everything off my chest about things that were coming up for me about one of my favourite stars, Jared Leto. And I just feel terrible if I gave off the impression that I was actually angry at him. I wasn't angry at him, but I was just feeling anger. And I was clear about that — I did say a lot of anger was coming up for me as a feeling when I think of certain things about him — and I did not say I was actually angry AT HIM. But I really know how these things can be kinda confusing or easy to misinterpret. Who knows who may have read that post, but I just want to put it out there that I am NOT angry at Jared Leto. I'm just going through some difficulties right now and feeling confused and frustrated about certain issues coming up for me. And sure, these issues happen to (in some ways) centre around the topic of Jared Leto, but this is not serious between us.
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