BA ADONAI ◊ #METOO INDEX

For a number of reasons, I’ve seen the need to comprehensively document here my own official public statements that I have made throughout my time, about abuse that I have experienced, done by certain named and unidentified perpetrators.

As part of this, I’ll be explaining some of the strategic approaches behind these statements. I start with why I’ve chosen to align with the controversial hashtags #MeToo and #BelieveVictims, while rejecting #BelieveWomen. As well, I’ll be promoting #WhyIDidntReport, and explaining why I have always made these statements as quiety as possible. Then, to clear up any misconceptions, I’ll also take this opportunity to voice some cases in which I have not been abused, in which there may have been misunderstanding.

The Format of These Statements

When I speak of these as official statements, what I mean is that they are very professionally well designed. And by professional I mean : Regardless of how I may harvest my income, I am an artist and healer who treats how I represent my own name as a work which I always believe demands the highest quality.

Much more deliberate care has gone into the presentation than it may appear. I will be sharing here a history of instagram captions (among other things) which were posted on my personal instagram which deliberately has very few and select followers. Although these may appear casual or low-key and more alike to a simple blurb, that has always been designed that way from careful and well considered strategy.

Strategies of These Public Accounts

To craft a long list of all the important strategies that have gone into this careful work would definitely have its value. But today, I will only be sharing a few basics.

1) Alignment With The Hashtag #MeToo

The choice of my use of the hashtag #MeToo has been designed as a political statement about my views on public outcry about abuse. The #MeToo hashtag symbolizes a movement on social media, designed to foster community support for those making public claims of abuse. This hashtag has been put down as a mixed world of false and real claims - where false allegations made for poor reasons cloud the landscape, detracting from the beleivability for others’ valid claims. Despite this controversy, I have boldly chosen to stand with the #MeToo movement in my own way.

I’d prefer to put the onus of responsibility on the individual’s discernment surrounding any claims that they see, rather than protest a whole movement for any vein within it aiming to take advantage of that lack of discernment within the collective — even when their selfish or misguided reasons for doing that may be particularly infuriating. In any positive and ethical social justice movement, there will always be a percentage of bad seeds trying to ruin things for everyone. If we allowed those people to be reason to cancel these movements, we would have none left, and our world would stop evolving.

I do not see the #MeToo hashtag as a bandwagon which negatively encourages people to put themselves in serious danger by making allegations public, when in some cases it would be more advantageous for their safety to keep these things in quiet. The safety of the individual is most important, which is why there should be no shame in not making public allegations. However, the onus of responsibility is always firmly on each individual to protect their own safety - not on others, no matter how influential the outside community can be.

The importance of having a supportive community and place to learn such as this hashtag is entirely valid, no matter how difficult it can be to make these choices safely. The type of support one receives through a hashtag movement like this is certainly mixed in quality and will often fail to meet healthy standards. Unwise responses to allegations may be encouraged. However, for so many people, it is the only resource available whatsoever. The internet has provided some accessibility in this way, especially to impoverished countries with much more dangerously abusive cultural norms, which is relevant enough to inspire me to support it.

2) Alignment With The Hashtag #BelieveVictims

In following from the controversy of the #MeToo hashtag, and deepening further into the topic of false allegations, I have chosen to use the controversial #BelieveVictims hashtag. It must be considered that false allegations, though very harmful and damaging to others, are not always made with harmful intentions. This can happen by accident, thus causing the appearance of malice, which stems from mere confusion — again completely by accident. Although the malice of these actions does carry weight, as this can be harmful, it still does not speak to the deeper authentic truth of the person in those cases.

To make this distinction is very important. The way I like to put it, to “believe” someone, specifically someone who really thinks that they have been abused, does not always require that you take their claims to be literal fact in every way. You can believe that it is their understanding and comes up for them as their experience to be as they claim. You might come to believe that they may have been abused by someone other than who they are claiming did the act. You may even believe that they have experienced abuse which forced them to knowingly make false claims. You may take their claims as symbolic of something real, even if it is not a literal fact.

Regardless of what you believe and what they believe - the hashtag #BelieveVictims is not about beliefs in essence. It is about growing in sensitivity, and having the common respect for people in pain just as much as those who are strong and at peace. It’s so easy to lovingly and sensitively hear someone out who is completely at peace with their situation and has no complaint. The #BelieveVictims call to grow in compassion and foster a culture of healing and community empowerment is the call to gain skills in hearing people out when they are in pain and suffering, bringing forth negative information. These skills are necessary to our collective healing.

3) Rejection Of The Hashtag #BelieveWomen

Note that I do not use #BelieveWomen as I feel it is a sexist and non-inclusive hashtag. Although the statistical rate of men who have been raped by women is drastically lower than the other way around, I stand with all victims of rape including men — even if it had been only one male who has been raped by a female, I would stand with that one. I myself am a “radical” feminist, a term which refers to the roots (“radical” meaning root cause) of sexism — ancient historical misogyny leading to our modern systemic condition. I am deeply infuriated by sexism against men. Being opposed to sexism of any kind is a core value of feminism. Some may contradict the definition of feminism by claiming sexism as a part of it — they are mistaken.

4) Alignment With The Hashtag #WhyIDidntReport

This is one hashtag which I highly recommend browsing for the purposes of education about the types of added vulnerability or danger that may come to a victim by capturing evidence of an abuse crime or reporting it. In my experience checking it out, I noticed a women’s shelter which had handed out papers that say #WhyIDidntReport and leave room for the woman to write her reasons. They would hold the paper to the camera, not showing their face, to educate the world about this complex issue. So many real hands and their personal handwriting were there to offer perspective. This diverse resource of personal accounts is powerfully eye opening.

Certainly, before pressuring anyone to make a police report, this kind of research should be done. In fact, it must be emphasized that the responsibility for this complex decision is best left in the hands of the victim and putting pressure on people is often unwise. As well, providing any account of why they have or have not reported an abuse crime, in some way that can be linked with their identity, may also sometimes increase the danger they face. It is not wrong to hold the opinion that abuse crimes should be reported, or say this to the world — But holding this opinion and directly pressuring an individual are two entirely separate matters.

In each of my posts linked in this index, when I have used this hashtag, I have provided the unique story to go along with it.

5) Making My Statements Quietly

Always, my public statements about the abuse I have personally survived has been made as quietly as I could. Although this takes it to a whole new level of public attention now to provide an index of my quietly made statements of the past, I do this because I have no choice.

The reason why I have no choice is because at this time, more attention is coming to me due to this website, and so the demand for this information has increased. The likelihood of being stalked inappropriately by unwanted antagonists has increased along with my success, and so I seek to encourage this space as a more appropriate way to learn about me than misbehaving by rudely scavenging my personal instagram. However, there are also other relational positive benefits of putting this here, which have not necessitated this or been the critical reason, but have been in my heart.

On the one hand, I have always required this information to be public, technically, which has been for my self-protection. Through word of mouth and a case of broken telephone, early personal conversations in which I have shared of these details were spread throughout the community along with misinformation, and incorrectly, in such a way which was harmful. To repair that, I have had to take responsibiity for representing myself somewhere central, where the statement is clearly by my own hand. This outmodes misinformation about my claims.

On the other hand, I didn’t want it so public that it would seem I am aiming to inspire aggressions against the people who have abused me, by any sympathizers. I feel that this type of indication may inspire the wrong attitude in my abusers. If it seemed I was trying to harm their ability to function in society whatsoever, their frustration with these issues may blind them to the fairness of my right to exercise free speech. This could distract from their ability to look at themselves with ethical self-inquiry about their actions if they were ever made aware of the statements.

These statements are not brought to the public out of belief that this will cause my abusers to stop repeating this violence. However, that is my object of hope for them and those around them. How that may be achieved is not through harmful aggressions against those people. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

Notice ◊ I Was NOT Physically Abused By My Father Or Any Relatives

For the sake of clarity, it is important that I will distinctly mention that I was never physically touched in a sexually abusive way by any family members. Specifically, my father is a retired Anglican / Christian Minister, and I feel the need to point this out most of all about him. I am incredibly proud of my father. His name and identity will not mentioned for his privacy, as this information is only relevant to those who already know who he is.

At any opportunity, I have always been very outspoken against systemic pedophilia and other forms of sexual violence within the church. I worry that some may jump to conclusions, assuming that I am trying to imply my father as part of these abuse networks, in my message against them. That is in no way my intention. In fact, it is thanks to his excellent teachings about Christianity that I have the critical thinking to oppose the church in such selectively chosen, strategic ways — and with so much grace and theosophical wisdom just like him.

I have spent a lifetime deeply analysing his character, and in him I do not detect alliance with that type of systemic abuse activity. In fact, quite the opposite. I see him as a quiet activist against it, in a covert way, and I get a similar impression from my extended family.

For example, if my father ever became aware of or exposed to sexual or predatory violence within the church, it’s good if he would not be suspected as one who would cause these violators to be put away, if that would allow him to continue to quietly safeguard the community undetected. I know him better than most. We are very like minded.

It is to be expected that some may wonder if I may have failed to add experiences of being sexually abused by my relatives to this list of public accounts, since family is the most close-knit, making their controversies surrounding any claims against them the most unavoidable and challenging. It is also common to assume that family members may be the most likely suspects to consider when accounting for someone who has experienced major sexual trauma, such as myself — since guardians have the most access to children when they are growing up.

To assume such a thing without considering the wider scope of potential perpetrators is based on a lack of proper education and denial of the prevalence of secret systemic abuse throughout many common institutions such as hospitals, schools and the internet, etc. Of course, parental and family guardians are sometimes the culprits, but too often assumptions are made without having the courage or the education to examine common everyday and painfully unavoidable dangers that all our children face.

Notice ◊ I Was NOT Trained In Sexual Services At Massage Training

Continuing on with my second notice to provide clarity against any possible misconceptions : For various reasons, it has come to my attention that I should explain that I was never a part of any workshop or training that taught skills in providing sexual services. Specifically, this is about my background in massage.

At a young age, I think about 19 years or so, I participated in a 2 week Lomi Lomi Hawaiian Massage Training - my only massage training ever. This technique appealed to me as a spiritual form of shamanic traditional massage which held space for many spiritual healing modalities and philosophical healing values, along with the physical massage.

These luxurious massages involved much body to body contact, using long broad strokes primarily with the forearm to cover a lot of muscular area at once. These were performed with a modesty cloth over the receiver’s genital area and included hip rotations which sometimes caused slipping of the modesty cloth by accident, which was considered no big deal. Despite all that, the entire training was completely non-sexual, and had nothing to do with sexual services.

At a point during the training, a very experienced female Lomi Lomi practitioner gave a teaching to inform us that once we started a business offering Lomi Lomi, we would be receiving requests for sexual services in combination with the massage. It was very clearly stated that this would be up to our choice if we would provide these, but not at all advised one way or another if we should. We were in no way taught how to do such things.

The overall style and vibe of the trainers was concerned and essentially not comfortable with those kinds of services, although the atmosphere was about love, and you could tell they were not condemning and negative about it either. The main trainer was friends with tantric teachers and practitioners, but not the types that provide sexual services — just the kind which teaches in fully clothed public workshops and writes books.

Based on how my training produced a certain frame of mind for me about the practice, as combined with my own personal views and psychology, I never resonated with the option to combine Lomi Lomi with sexual services. From my perspective, as much as I don’t judge others for not sharing my opinion, I feel this type of massage doesn’t go well with sexual energy, because sexual energy tenses the body and Lomi Lomi is focused on relaxation.

However, I understand that this physical touch and nudity can cause confusion, raising questions about the intentions of the practitioner. For reasons like that, and others, I stopped offering Lomi Lomi. However I am still so happy that I took the training anyway, because to this day I still speak often of the philosophy of Aloha, and appreciate the books we read for the course and cultural knowledge about shamanism that it offered.

Full Index of Public Abuse Claims by Ba Adonai

Trigger Warning : These accounts may be disturbing, and reading these may not be necessary in order to absorb the value of this archive. Please proceed with caution.