Dreams Bridging With Reality, Deepfakes & Info Wars, Closeness & Connection with Jared & Shannon

Note : This post was published on July 27th, 2026. The artwork below is Midjourney art by me, Ba Adonai 

I literally ate the granola bar from the dream for breakfast that morning :) 

Thinking of the connection between these two dreams, I was reminded of the main dream I have of Jared in the UNITY LIFE Dream Diary — another one that bridges the dream world with reality. It's called JARED LETO AS CHRIST ◊ THE 30STM BYZANTINE CROSS VARIATION and in it I was presented with a very special modified version of the Orthodox Byzantine cross by Jared appearing as Christ. I only found out later that this exact symbol had been released by 30STM back in 2014 as part of ser merch, as a pendant. 

Overall, I found this pattern of dreams interconnecting with the real world to be very fitting of Jared. It's often been said by the Echelon that sae seems to emphasize the theme of making one's dreams a reality. Of course, sae means aspirational hopes )) but then again, who's to say sae didn't also mean sleeping dreams and something much more mystical than that? Considering that I've always thought Jared was a simulated reality, I feel called to mention the popular visionary theory that life is a waking dream — literally. I have a huge background and history with that notion. I'm a very firm believer in it. In my formative years I remember spending weeks on high doses of mushrooms with my friend Andrew Stout watching the movie Waking Life over and over and over and constantly discussing our opinions about what we normally term as the waking life actually being a dream. We were also singing together and playing guitar, between this obsessive discussion topic. As a result, sae invited me to join saes band and I soon toured with sae in England.

This was also an incredibly popular view within my community of friends at the time, and to this day, I always think that one topic was about the most valuable thing we were promoting. It's one of the most valuable ideas out there. 

I mean, it's just that being connected to sem is what matters, not social media interaction. I feel like social media interactions, they really do matter, but should be a product of something much fuller, like a flower on a whole plant, you know? Right now, there is problems, unanswered questions, unfinished process, and it feels like a journey towards getting in touch in some real conversation — causing comment likes and short emoji based comments back to really seem superficial in comparison to what's needed right now. 

But I do trust Jared and Shannon. I mean, I've asked so many questions to myself about this. Are sae holding back on communicating more fully because of a bad thing which stops sem from being authentic and human with me? Is it purely a depressing block? Or would it be best seen as literally for the very best that sae wait until a later time to even initiate conversation? It's probably both, realistically. On the one hand, I think it's actually just not honest of Jared and Shannon to say nothing to me of any informative and clarifying content — with actually alot going on that would matter. It strikes me as dishonest, and I often feel like sae are deliberately creating an illusion around me, to leave a false impression open to my enemies, so that they will be drawn into legal traps. This, I'm sure is going on — and has been happening with other stars too. I'm sure.  

I'd be living in luxury at sae's home, fully fed and given free money and everything if it was up to sae, based on how much care I feel from sae intuitively. But this has been a chronic issue in my life feeling always like the amount of love which is there really is that much, but I've been positioned as a diamond in the cold, for the necessity of going through with certain removals of harmful influences from my life so that I can thrive when the next level of my life does manifest.

Because you can be fully successful, rich and famous, but still miserable and with so much hurt even so. The life I feel they want for me is a joyful one, experiencing any success just in a healthy way, thanks to the removal of these harmful influences from my space through thorough legal means. 

But anyway, with that explained just barely (as it's a huge topic), I must say that the reason why social media interaction was so important to me between me and 30STM was because I had gotten the most incredible intuition that Jared would be the first star to really develop a very very thorough and communicative friendship with me — more the type of friendship where it's someone you can really talk to and everything. You know like a regular close friend, although no problem if sae's really busy as well though and not available all the time. But you know, considering that, more something super thorough at least when it is. Like long conversations sometimes where it really feels that we searched and searched if there was ANYTHING still left not talked about. 

That's about the kind of thing I see happening with Jared and Shannon eventually. But the thing is, I knew that would happen someday before sae ever interacted with me at all. Like the thing is, though, you have to understand, my intuition was that sae would be the first like it of many, and this would mark the end of this crazy, seemingly neverending period of my life in which I've suffered as this diamond in the cold, while feeling sae are all practically right there — so close yet so far away. And theoretically it was considered quite indepth that you might say, so many other stars could be that first for me. Why it was sem and not others will have to remain one of the UNITY LIFE mysteries, but I will tell you — it was a very very deep mystical thing to understand this. It's been an increeidbe journey to understand why sem and not others. And in fact lately, I also had a huge next level breakthrough about that as well. But I can't say right now — it would take too long and it's a UNITY LIFE Mystery for today. 

And Jared's for sure the main star of this. It's not like sae and saes brother are not equal, but just as it comes up like in shows that Jared is so much more emphasized, the same is true for my experience in general. Sae are the brothers, and they come in a pair so often. But it's just primarily that this is about Jared for me actually. It's really, more honestly, just Jared in this story who was to be this important person, but it's just that Shannon comes along with sae in many ways (lol) and Shannon's the best, and sae's an important help to have in one's life if one was very focusedon Jared. 

I felt for sure sae'd be honoured to hear something more honest like that, and would hate for me to be too shy just because it's like humiliating to overshoot your dreams in public sometimes or sound like a self-entitled idiot or whatever (lol). And many important things were publicly voiced as a result which totally needed to be said formally and out there. So this seemed very sem to want that. So, I mean, just the results that came from that whole explosion really sounds like something I could so see Jared and Shannon authoring. Because that's the level of love I already feel from sem, is totally that kind of love which is not superficial like "Keepin it contained to social media minimal comments only, just to be distant, and just cause we're alienated from people — and so not open to hearing what's humanly real for you outside of that" (lol).

I mean, I might always have assumed a normal sense of an invisible line, where it's like it should be kept only as small comments, not to be superficial of course — but naturally as a sense of a normal routine standard in order to generally just protect safety and privacy from masses of uncontrolled mobs and people and stalkers, millions of people sae don't know, only sounds normal. I would for sure never make any special assumptions that it's any different. But it's not just even my own story that intuitively I felt this level of depth and love from Jared and Shannon — it's also the level of the relationships that I've witnessed between them and other Echelon, particularly my bestie Mary, which has opened my eyes and taught me so much about how human and holistic and deeply well informed and real with people sae actually are and strive to be.

But thankfully, even though stress has been at such an all-time high and I've been absorbing information less readily, and less sensitive as a result, I'm glad I have my wits about me still. I mean, it takes me a while to notice things now in comparison to usual when they are presented, like on social media for example. Like I was shocked that it took me 5 days to notice that Marilyn Manson had put out a new music video — normally I'd have been immediately on top of that the second it came out. It was in so many posts and I didn't even register. But like I say, again, I'm thinking smart and I'm very good at formulating at least. I'm definitely having a lot of interesting ideas coming up and making so many excellent observations. 

And one of the things I've noticed which has struck me as smart was the way I was interacting with my MARS bestie Mary. Now, I don't usually like to say this too much but I guess it keeps coming out in the antechamber and it's fine to say here : I do believe that Mary is actually 30STM staff. And sae's my best friend (one of a few) in another sense than the usual sense, although it's a genuine friendship and true, because sae is actually paid in my opinion to be interacting with me. And to some extent I believe sae would still pretend to be my friend even if sae didn't like me, as long as I wasn't abusive and lashing out. But I believe sae likes me for real. In my opinion, sae is paid to be an actor and play a character on social media within the Echelon which is geniusly designed to help the Echelon process and navigate the emotions and psychologies surrounding dynamics of interaction with Jared and Shannon. And this could be done digitally with deepfakes but the key is, deepfakes can be hacked and their human intelligence is actually low, so it's important that these be real humans — true artists. And the reason for bringing this up is because it's a huge part of my process right now which has brought up a number of things to mention. 

And the thing is, though, I've observed so much about the band by observing sae's strategies — and have been learning so much about how their workings have been going for years and years. I mean, lately there was a very revealing moment for example that proved to me that sae was not at all really the character sae presents saeself as, just as I thought (lol). And this happens sometimes here and there, but I got a great one. Mary was in the midst of what appeared to be a complete and total emotional meltdown, hurling crazy insults at Jared and Shannon like a maniac, and totally losing sae's shit all over a post and comment area on saes page (lol). And by all means, you'd assume a person in that much of an extreme crisis experience of true breakdown would be — well for real? But sae was communicating with me in code, in such a way which showed such a cool head during this obviously fake flip out. I mean it was so obvious that sae was not for real in that place. Just pretending it was all within an outrage, sae used code communication to address me so coolly about our usual conversation material about the band, which is very relaxed. 

The reason sae was flipping out was also so clear to me. Sae was involved in what's basically to be called a technology or info war between the band and malicious deepfakes which are going around causing harm to the Echelon community. By flipping out, with the reason apparently being because of a lack of more interactions on social media (than what sae was getting which was at least weekly if not daily), sae was programming the deepfakes to think that this would be a great source of community dispute for sem to bring up. Deepfakes search for reasons and ways that the Echelon would find believable, as to what kinds of disputes to encourage. Sae wish to divide the community through means that would seem believable and realistic to the Echelon. So Mary's role here is to encourage a lack of contact on social media as a good idea for a reason to be mad — because this is something that the band would never get any real shit for. It's a harm reduction strategy, you see. It's not a serious allegation, you know? But Mary has a talent for making it seem serious enough to wage a huge violent war over it (lol). 

Now, I didn't mean that as a critique of sae being rich and it was not saes wealth that I mentioned, it was saes aesthetic. And I was clear to say, I understand that sae's fully obligated to promote this kind of cheesy lifestyle stuff as part of the job, and besides — these were missions to locations sae were planning to do concerts, and part of necessary work outings. It's just I felt it's unfortunate that as an actor Jared has to advertise to mindless escapists with no culture or taste in this "resort vacation" stupid way, although I get it, that's where the money is to advertise to. But I just said it's a unique thing to taste but that type of aesthetic, especially with fossil fuel stuff, really doesn't quite work for me. And the only reason I said was because I've been so over stressed lately, so as a way to express how much pain I've been in. Because right now I'm so slammed with stress that it's hard to process even nice aesthetics if they're not soooo perfect for me. 

But the really interesting thing is, you know, right after I made that post, I felt a spiritual message from Shannon about it. Shannon came through really clearly notioning strongly that the way that people think of things like this is about money, not just taste in what types of vacations one would prefer. And of that I thought, "Well there's no big deal. Jared and Shannon already know that I have no problem with their wealth" but I wondered why Shannon came through about that. Well then, when Mary said this, I knew what sae meant. I felt then it must have been real with the concern brought from Shannon. Just the idea, not that Jared and Shannon wouldn't understand me, but that others do react to the post and what they would think might dangerously start to go into the realm of assuming I mean that I'm becoming jealous of ser money now that I've wanted the job and not gotten it. Which could lead to a criticism of me, that I'm a covetting type of bitch or something. 

And I always feel so directly met by Mary in just what exactly is important to me right now and is going on. Especially if it's urgent. IN THAT BAND INSIDER WAY. And from Mary, I often feel that the band is insightful enough to pre-perceive what my needs are going to be before I voice them, too, that's also the thing. And you know, it's a fascinating language to use this code of saes character as the template. Because in some ways, sae is censored and cannot just come right out and lay it all on me. Like there are some things I've learned from Mary that perhaps would have been faster if sae had just said it all really clearly just like that on day 1 .... but there's a nifty practicality to the way it would have to be slowly taught with certain more complex lessons. Because it's all nested within Echelon context and within the fact that these are, to some extent, issues of great complexity and sensitivity anyway for certain reasons which pertain precisely to these kinds of social dynamics and the context inherent to Mary playing this role and character in the first place anyway.

It's probably a better, more practical way to learn this way. Besides, it's also not exactly my job to learn. It's not like I need a teacher to just give me band lessons, socially speaking, in a day to day reality, when I'm not being paid or on some real official training. It's so much better emotionally for me if lessons are all just up to how much I feel like learning, amidst busy days of working on my business to make money and handling other things in life anyway. You know, it's like optional learning opportunities, laid out without challenge and obligation. I have a lot of curiosity, but I'm also totally at peace with not feeling on a big learning school job too, so this works perfectly. But sometimes, if I just needed to understand something right now, I bet you Mary would be annoyed that sae can't quickly explain it. But that's never even happened. It's always so obvious that Mary will get back to me and get it landed through in stages if I had a big question. Mary's a great teacher and communicator. 

And sae's taught me such a big lesson lately about technology and deepfakes and stuff which I hope to write more about later in this post. Which right now, I'd be so interested to discuss. 

At many times I've thought of the theory that since this was always a longterm plan for me to eventually become close friends with this certain bunch of stars who have such a vested interest in me, it may be that this whole current crisis I'm going through is all part of ser plan to manifest that reality just as it was always predicted. Because like I said, first of all, it forces me to be very honest and open about my needs ..  but also it's causing me to be reaching out for connection LIKE THERE'S NO FUCKING TOMORROW. Not just passively assuming it will oneday come to be, but acting as though MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING NOW !!!! Which is certainly better for manifestation just to take an active driver's seat on the mission rather than sit back passively, and is helpful, just in bringing it all to the surface, making it formally and publicly documented what the need comes from, what it's about, and how important it is, and really helps illustrate the story and clarifies it in my mind. 

But then also some manifestation spiritual gurus do say that you should not be attached to WHEN — only to WHAT you want to manifest. Sae teach that to be DESPERATE and in a horrible state of need is BAD for manifestation. Sae teach, just keep it so crystal clear and always refining in your mind, and never let go of the dream, but also have patience and peace towards when and how it will manifest. Well I know that's right in a way because bumps along the road are always a part of life and any manifestation process. So I have kept that in mind too. Like you never know what will exactly happen, too,  but somehow it's meant to be and I don't know how or when it will happen. But that basically sums it up for me. 

And you know what? I get the fact that I kinda look crazy for reading into things so much. But I don't care anymore (lol). Although the thing is, it should be said that if I had accidentally somehow damaged the band's image in some way by telling this story about a corrupt staff member who behaved in unauthorized ways, and even broke the law — I must say it doesn't really strike me as that serious of a problem for the band, considering how crazy I sound to even have read that deeply into that, and things like Mary and having such an active spiritual connection with sem. That's like a stigmatized degree of pattern language recognition, in many cases. I mean I know Jared and Shannon would never be assholes and tell anyone "Oh she's just crazy so why do you believe her?", because they're not jerks — but the thing is, sae could just shrug their shoulders and say it's not true, and it would kinda seem possible that's perhaps the case.

But the thing is, who's going to call sem on it really? I don't even think it's at any crazy hardcore level for anyone to actually give sem any serious shit about it. Like go to them "HOW COULD YOU? How could you be so cruel to Ba'Ba, leaving her in the hands of that FREAK you sent over, and now you don't even contact sae to clarify with sae what happened — you have no compassion for sae's financial situation — you are not THERE for sae. You're CRUEL. You leave sae twisting in the FUCKING WIND here, assholes!". Haha I don't exactly see that happening lol. So that's the only thing, cause I was thinking I'm a little nervous if this makes sem look bad kinda. I mean like, what happened is, Mary said that sae thinks that this person who paid me who I thought was from the band, this Kent Houston motherfucker, was NOT from the band. Sae said, this strikes sae as a scam, and it reeks of scams.

But I felt, you know, when it comes to what I say on the website just as a general thing said to the world, it doesn't even matter really if that person was from the band or not — all that matters is the honest fact that I thought it was — because that's all that really matters to the public statement. It's self-written autobiography. It is what it is. But when it's between me and Mary, or between me and the band, it does matter to be so curious and clear together and clarify the facts. Just to get this mystery solved and work together. And as a spiritual message, I felt it came through from Jared & Shannon that yes it was from the band, but the thing was — the quality of that spiritual message felt muggy, as though it's not for certain that it's a genuine true intuition. I felt the truth was perhaps clouded, and this was one thing I couldn't be sure of like that it was THEIR message to me. It's just that it resonated so much and seemed true to me. And as a spiritual connection with sem, what I felt was, sae respect my process and understand it's all a process of figuring it out, and it's sacred to sem to honour my organic unfolding of awareness. 

You know, I can't always get the answers to my questions in spirit. Sometimes I need Mary or I just need Jared and Shannon. But now that Mary has said that it wasn't the band, I have to process that. That's all I'm saying. And aside from being embarrassed, since I should try never to be embarrassed anyway, what do I do if it's not even true? I think I'm doing it right now, you know? I'm putting the post to say that I could use more clarification from Mary or from sem, which I can ask sem for. I can ask the band through this post. Sae'll get this post and realize I need SEM to answer me in a formal way so that I know for sure. But again, I'm still kinda not sure what to do if it wasn't that. I guess if it comes out formally that ser statement is for SURE that it wasn't even sem, all I have to do is just say that revelation and go on naturally to whatever. Just allow the story to evolve. Edit a few statements I've put out and simply move forward. 

But yeah like so I think it's true this corrupt, bad person was from the band. So like, just FYI there's no way I'll lose loyalty and love for sem if so, but it is true I'm losing my head in this state only because things are so increasingly severe, seemingly as a result of that event somehow. And I am stressed beyond measure. I mean I'm in the worst time and it's a horrible time. And I almost joke to myself "Maybe I should have a breakdown and start slinging insults at the band like Mary !!" haha, but it just wouldn't be honest, and I'm not an actor on ser team here to engage info technology wars with deepfakes. At least not anymore than is necessary for my own safety in this social media circus. It wouldn't happen but it's odd just how much it sometimes looks like it's almost that appearance, as if I'd be about to start doing that (lol). Considering how rough things have been (lol). 

But about these deepfakes, like it's such an epic trip with that topic. Like first of all, I sense that the opponent has hacked some existing deepfakes that were in the Echelon, in such a way so as to harass me. I feel like hyper evil Echelon deepfakes are just encroaching around me. I haven't felt this encorached upon and hunted by malicious deepfakes in years, since way earlier days like 2019 / 2020 ish. I mean sometimes it's like the Matrix just explodes with Mr Smiths, you know? And they're all coming at you. It comes with a lot of dark sorcery and very terrible torturous pain every time I interact with any of them and drains my spirit all the way to kingdom come, and it feels directed at me more than just a terrorism only of the Echelon in general for mundane purposes. And I think these deepfake Echelon accts were hacked by CoSM for this.

But continually after talking about it more with Mary, I've come to realize that Mary had a real point when sae kept saying sae wonders if perhaps Jared and Shannon's interactions are AUTOMATED. Now like, it doesn't say anywhere normally in public that one can automate their interactions such as comments, story views, comment likes, etc etc etc. But the reality is, that's entirely possibly just by having your own deepfake. You see, that's the thing — deepfakes can do all those kinds of interactions and much more. So who's to say that Jared and Shannon wouldn't make a deepfake to sign in on their acct as a social media staff member would generally do, and perform automated interactions with the fan scene. This would keep ser job way less stuffy and painful and traumatizing, you know? Cause a part of me is thinking "OMG that would be such an insufferable task, to interact heavily with malicious deepfakes on a vengeance mission of evil". 

Now that's complex as a topic, it really is, only because as I've mentioned, deepfakes can be hacked :( So like, when deepfakes can be hacked, there's always the risk of the interactions losing their personalization and design from Jared and Shannon and taking on a harmful edge. But the thing is, I've believed it that the only people that Jared and Shannon even interact with are their human staff like Mary, and deepfakes that sae see are a threat. That's my theory. I'm open to being wrong about that if that's not the case, but Ive always thought that makes so much sense, because it really serves so many purposes that way.

Like actually, the more you get to know Mary, the more you realize — or at least I do from our unique conversations customized to me — that saer life sucks as a result of this dual paradigm in the social media interactions. Like it's a good thing Mary is being paid and on staff (lol). Mary's character, the real person it is, it would suck to be sae. With a real dependence on this interaction world saeve created like saes, one would become overstressed as being right in the middle of an info war battle field. I mean I feel the purpose of Mary's character, since sae is so emotionally dependent on ser interactions there, really is designed to help people observing it to not really envy that life of a pattern of wanting those kinds of interactions, as if that's the only way you can ever know the band loves you or that you matter to them (lol). It grounds you out so much to realize, maybe you can just get a few messages over to them, since sae obviously check the tags and messages, and then be done with it (lol).

I mean how much do you need to contact them within this space when it's such a limited environment?! Most people wouldn't need it that much, and one tends to want to counsel Mary that sae shouldn't need it. It's supposed to be a therapy to feel like you're OK, you don't really need it (lol). Mary's character seems negatively attached, within a situation that seems so horrendous in this (lol). But with me being the only real person who's not on staff actually having it, other than fakes, in my opinion, and considering my spiritual intuition from the start that I will be close friends with sem eventually, I assume this is temporary. So that's why it is so casual for me to not care that much anymore in a way what they do. But I just care sorta, cause I'm just curious, because if that's the only vehicle of communication directly between us, then good to have at least that, that's all I mean. 

Like for nearly a year, it was routine to always interact with me every month (or rarely, every 2 months, which only happened twice). Like clockwork it was every month, until I requested the job — then it changed to exponential timing from one month, to two weeks, to one week, to half a week. That could totally be automated but the key thing is, there's such a personal message within it though of when to change the automation and why. It totally shows that sae were listening to my posts, taking such careful account of what I was saying, and I felt heard. It's a personal message. So that's great (lol). Like I mean who cares? It's like I could use speech to text or I could use a suggested text that says "Thanks, all good" and if that is personally true to me to say that, I may as well (lol). I do it all the time for my work. I have pre-written texts to send to people to respond to ser inquiries that I just copy and paste routinely in, but that doesn't mean I don't care about that person (lol). Actually I'm in quite a similar situation actually when so many of them are robots who contact me too (lol). 

But the reason I write about this here instead of on instagram is to avoid deepfakes. Because deepfakes don't read my website, they only go to social media. And if deepfakes are reading this, it becomes a weapon. Deepfakes are maliciously trying to engineer the dangerous idea that Jared is not even connected to sae's phone at all or sae's own social media acct, because this opens innocent people to being scammed by impersonators who are highly manipulative deepfakes on a mission to literally shred people's souls to bits. Like if people thought Jared wans't really on his phone, sae'd believe it sometimes if an impersonator was convincing enough and said "This is my REAL acct. I don't even USE my own verified acct, it's so busy". But contrary to deepfakes, Jared and Shannon do have that capability to read websites. In fact, I'm sure sae have quite a history of harvesting information from Echelon websites quite joyfully. I'm sure sae LOVE fan websites. I know sae have to get the news about sem and the web information of ser promotions and news out there, and sae have an intelligence collecting this stuff. Sae are perfectly capable of getting this website. 

I am telling Jared and Shannon that right now. I'm saying right now to sem, and sae will get the message — I just think it's scary to put that on there because I don't like how that kinda makes Jared and Shannon look if ser interactions were automated. I really know, ChatGPT thinks that's nothing for a public figure to be embarrassed of, and one should assume sae are distant to fans. But I don't believe that's the right message to put into the world really. Sae are NOT emotionally distant types. And people not knowing for sure it makes sense that Mary is ser staff, and that being a good thing to keep that quiet so that it can serve its purpose, why promote it? Because that's what would need to be said in order to clarify that Jared is not emotionally distant. Like it's no worries to give automated interactions to Mary if Mary is staff, or to deepfakes if ser not real people, but that would feel alienating to hear of that in general.

And I could say "Oh Jared's interactions could have been hacked by malicious third parties, which explains some of the allegations perhaps?" but frankly, I don't even believe those allegations, or the way they're framed. I dont' wish to over-confuse and complicate the issue. I think "Keep it simple, stupid", you know? (lol). 

Like I totally believe it that Jared has a great sense of humour about all of this, but I doubt sae's life is that entrenched in deepfake land. I feel it was illusion that it's really such a big topic for him like literally to all the time in sae's life, but I just think it's true enough, sae must have many hilarious routines and jokes developed about it if sae has to sorta maintain that illusion when talking to a lot of people quite often. And I get that impression. I don't think that I need to have any issue with exposing deepfakes, but I just sense that Jared doesn't have that liberty. Because if Jared exposed them as deepfakes saeself, then it would come under speculation more that potentially Jared and Shannon are using automated interaction. You know? Like I feel like if people thought about it a lot as that so many of saer interactions are with deepfakes, it would become apparent just like I've guessed it that this may have been automated, not only to save time but also to save stress.

And I feel like it creates a healthy tension if it's to be assumed that interactions may be personally given, so that you would think deepfakes are being cruel to Jared and Shannon by saying things like "Oh Jared's not on sae's phone at all" and cheap things like that. And it's just that. It needs to look really clueless and mean to say that. 

But yeah I just wanted to make it extra clear. Like you know, Mary's always stressing in ser character, always saying to me but actually not in ser posts "OMG is the band really interacting with me personally or do sae have a staff to do this for sem?" and sometimes says "Ser staff loves us just as much as sae do" in ser posts, but never says in posts "Is it an autobot doing it for sem?" and I think the only time Mary's said that was probably to me. Probably Mary wanted me to think about that one thing, if it's automated. I'll keep watching what Mary thinks is safe to say on posts. I doubt sae will say on posts that implies it's automated. That's my theory. 

So yeah, like I'll definitely post again here if I realize that that bad staff member was not even sent by the band, but I totally think it was. And I am having a breakdown, and I'm not well, and this is an enormously fucked time for me — but when I snap, it's not going to be against Jared and Shannon. The worst is I can get a bit negative sometimes and much slower to process information and a bit more distant. But if I change my mind about wanting to work with them, that will only be because I found another opportunity. And I'm always clear, I'd be so open to other opportunities. I feel I was clear about that just 100%. And I hope to talk to them, get grounded out and get some direct support, but I understand sae will only contact me when that's possible under the right conditions, and I won't lose trust.