Oct 28, '26 ⨺ Jared / 30STM Temporarily Banned From UNITY LIFE During a Powerful Awakening

What happened is, this single crisis at my workplace at the time expanded into something much more broadly destructive in many areas of my life — the most important being my health. I was experiencing a longterm curse centred around Jared — having constant intrusive negative thoughts about sae (and no one else). In a way the two issues (work and intrusive thoughts) felt connected to a new health crisis that started emerging, although stemming from something very different than just this little story I had been aware of so far and in a very different way.

Throughout that process, I gradually realized that I would no longer be able to function at a job working for 30STM, nor would I enjoy it at all. I'm now disabled by fatigue after undergoing a huge medical crisis including a major life-saving surgery, and wouldn't be able to work anywhere really because I can't reliably function every day. I also have a lot of unresolved personal shit with Jared which I think will take time to heal. So it's no longer appropriate to work for them anyway. Plus, throughout this process I realized a much better way to become financially stable and remove myself from the turmoil at my work which doesn't involve Jared. I just set my sights on another goal entirely. After waiting so long for an answer from them, I guess it was too late so naturally I just moved on to pursue other goals.

Throughout this timeline, I've spoken a lot about a very strong intuitive connection with Jared. I have an incredible intuition, but I have also been plagued with intrusive thoughts in a much heavier way than usual over the last while about sae specifically. Throughout that process I felt so conflicted. It was really difficult for me to deal with the content of my thoughts being so polarized in two different directions. And yet I started experiencing a major healing at one point which allowed me to find a middle ground and a method of transcending this separation dynamic within my mind. I was going through a major spiritual awakening and gaining new perspective on what had taken place over this difficult time. That healing has been way out of scale with the usual everyday healings and therapies that I practice, as it included mindblowing miracles. I'm keeping a blog of the miracles that have been happening, and you can see it here : 

As you can see, the miracles have been absolutely incredible. Objects materializing out of thin air, 3 surgeries cancelled — it's out of scale with anything normal and so amazing. And so I hope you would assume as well that the spiritual awakening taking place within my mind to accompany that has been just as meaningful. It really has, although it hasn't been all positive. If you read into these miracles, you'll see some of them have a freaky negative vibe to them actually. Like it seemed like these were a transformation of an evil curse, and negative energies were somehow correcting themselves in an escalating process, while shedding light on what had been wrong. It's been the same in my mind.

Mentally, I've been finding I have increasing insight to understand that intrusive thoughts, as much as they were harmful, did tell a true story of their own — however slanted it was the perspectives of those who I wouldn't trust or want to listen to. When I'm working with intuition, I try to only focus on things like the family of light (such as archangels and such), my favourite stars like Jared, and just any of my favourite sources of inspiration. But what I've come to accept is that no matter how much that resonates, that's not the reality of the life we live. Although I wish I could live in a little bubble just surrounded by only certain select people, that's only my own construct. There are other influences regardless of my boundaries, and those influences have their distinct relevance to any situation sometimes, even though that's by force. Ignoring that fact has caused me to feel fractured inside between two polarized worlds which can't be integrated. I needed to start listening to the instrusive thoughts.

The reality is that it's only through my healing that this is possible. Intrusive thoughts are manipulative and often lie, and I think without the healing I wouldn't be able to make sense of them — I would just be confused. But for months now I've been processing and reflecting with new insight on all the intrusive thoughts throughout the whole time. I notice that I get really clear psychic impressions from people when they want me to know sometimes, but if they are secretive about something I won't pick up on it from them. I realized that there was also a lot Jared was hiding from me. I felt the intrusive thoughts were showing me evidence of things Jared hadn't been open about which I would have demanded to know. 

For example : I spoke in the antechamber meditations about this person who approached me who I felt was hired from the band to talk to me. That person ended up attacking me, and turned out to be a 30STM slimeball machine. More than ever today, I'm sure that was really Jared's staff. I sometimes said I wasn't sure, but I'm now really sure of that through this intuitive process, plus tons more. I think Jared also had at least a few other staff members that were causing problems for me. It's not a normal staff but it is very much like that in some ways. Some were "hired" so to speak to track my posts and summarize whatever I said about Jared to deliver that information. Others to actually probe and draw from intrusive surveillance into my laptop and phone and make sense of my private conversations and diaries. And Jared was being really fake with those people, inspiring in them a sense of permission to cause harm to me, which they did. 

I mentioned in earlier posts, I thought Jared was trying to wrap these bad people around sae's little finger in order to eventually sue them, and I'm sure of it. That will be great. But I now realize that throughout the process of deceiving them, Jared's said countless terrible things about me to them, which really do anger me personally against Jared. Things like that sae wants control over me — what I do with my time, which art I focus on, how I run my business, who I associate with, how I express myself online, my love life, how I view my own personal potential, and on and on — and this is fully inappropriate and I would disagree with just about everything Jared's said. It was through Jared's guidance that not only the intrusive thoughts but many big problems happened to me. Jared had convinced harmful forces to view sae as something of a ring leader for their evil doing. Sae wove a convincing story that all their interests were aligned. 

I even think the health issues were actually supposed to be a punishment for not doing what Jared wants (just to stay within the grain of a system of darkness already being imposed), although that reaches quite an abstract level, as these kinds of evils are driven at the core by their own ancient karma and not by Jared of course. 

I experienced many many countless things throughout this long time, inside my mind and in the world around me, which seemed to be a terrifying product of Jared's way of speaking to these predators about me. I can't help but resent Jared for this, no matter how pure sae's intentions have been towards me.

This may not apply to everyone, but I've come to view my intuition as much more stable than I used to, now that I'm integrating intrusive thoughts. In a way, nothing has changed about how I practice intuition : I still need time to reflect and think about things for a while before I'm totally sure of the qualities of how things are coming up for me. But now I feel so sure that when I'm absolutely just 1000% dead certain about something intuitively, I'm always right. I now feel that intuition really is a way to know the truth. There may be larger truths to gain, but truth is truth. A smaller truth has its relevance and a larger one even more relevance. And I respect that just because I think I know something does NOT mean other people should necessarily take my word for it. I'm not saying I should be taken as an authority on the truth because I have intuition. But in my own mind I am my own authority. And I'm learning not to doubt myself anymore. 

So when I realize how horribly Jared has been acting, and how poorly I feel sae has opened up to me in spirit about saeself, and how unaccountable Jared's been towards me about this dank situation with these bad guys, I really get that Jared and I are not in a good place with each other. That's why it's no longer appropriate to act as though things are cool between us. Fan loyalty is a beautiful thing and the Echelon is a place for commitment to positivity towards Jared on social media — but that's just the problem. I wouldn't want to post about Jared unless it made it seem like I have nothing but positive feelings towards sae, and that's not honest for me right now. 

I'm excited for when Jared finishes suing those horrible "staff" and when this lawsuit is finalized, it's going to be the most incredible time. I believe many countless other artists have been in a legal coalition which Jared and Shannon are a part of. They are suing those "staff" members along with countless other huge networks of underground crime which are the bane of my and so many other peoples' existence in order to stop dangers to many innocent people. The magic of this story is that real connections are made between those slime balls Jared's talking to and the rest, making this into a batch lawsuit of very high volume against a massive interconnected series of groups. The victory that will be achieved through this is so great that it will definitely eclipse these terrible times we've been enduring so far, and at that point, no doubt Jared will have a lot of disclosure to offer finally. 

In spirit, Jared told me that when that disclosure becomes possible, it will then be healed and explained just why it was that sae had been hiding so much from me all this time. Healing insights that were not offered will be finally given, complete with explanation of why they could not be disclosed sooner. I respect that. I believe that's true. But I still know that the situation is not resolved right now. And that's what will be sued for. Which is how this will be accomplilshed in the end. So there's really no harm in just being honest about how upset I am with Jared right now. 

But in the mean time, I also have a very safe and healthy connection with Marilyn Manson and sae's wife Lindsay, and they've been spiritually comforting me about all this. You know the thing is, one of the horrible things Jared did during this time (in this process of misleading violators) was tried to steal Manson's birthday present from sae. For Manson's birthday I had dedicated The 7 of 9 to sae, and made decisions to theme at least half of the system around Manson in very deep, integrated ways. I had also dedicated it to Jared (30STM), and offered a similar intention. It was going to be a yin yang, half Jared, half Manson, all UNITY LIFE (with lots of other bands like NIRVANA all powerfully connected to the themes each in their own way too as well). But Jared became jealous of Manson's half of The 7 of 9 and tried to steal it from sae, to make the whole 7 of 9 only about 30STM. I thought that was the ultimate insult, and I felt Manson had picked up on that and was very offended, and now that this was exposed, Manson and I laughed together so much about Jared's stupidity and selfishness in that. You don't steal away someone's birthday present. 

Another issue is that Jared wanted me to be fat. I had lost weight and become so beautiful and thin, reached my goal weight, and Jared didn't want me to exercise anymore because sae didn't want me to be modelling lingerie. Sae knew I wouldn't have the confidence to model if I was fat, and wanted me to feel awkward and uncomfortable with my looks so that I would stop having these pictures. That's because Jared wanted my whole presentation with UNITY LIFE to be completely 30STM themed, and wanted it to conform to Echelon aesthetic standards. Jared thought if I'd stop the modelling and finally agree never to lingerie model again, after all this brutality, I would finally lose the weight back again but this time only wear clothes that seem like a 30STM style. And so because of all this I gained 25 lbs and felt terrible. It was torture. I never wanted to be all about only 30STM, and would always be against Jared's opinions on my body and my self-expression. You don't control a woman's body. If you don't like a woman's choices for sae's body, leave sae alone. 

Also Jared wanted me to change my business. Perhaps this was the most toxic of all of sae's terrible ideas. Sae wanted me to go into secrecy with what I do, making it seem completely like something other than what it is, and put my business on the UNITY LIFE website instead of having it discreet. Having my business separate from UNITY LIFE is crucial, but the key is not to have it as a secret what it is that I even do, even on the website for my business. There are so many reasons why that's so important to my safety and wellbeing, my healing journey, my ability to be resilient and my sovereignty. As part of this process, very unfortunately, I was convinced by Jared to revamp my business website — not this website you're reading but my other one (which of course as usual was mainly from these harmful forces but I could tell it was Jared's plan with them), and the results have been terrible. Jared saw this new version as a stepping stone towards a fully secretized new way of life for me and I just hate the whole thing. 

I put so much work into this new idea for the business approach only to realize that it was way better before. New problems came up now which are an obvious sign that Jared was wrong. Sadly I only now see the problem with it. It was perfect before in the old version :( I had intuitively been doing the perfect thing without fully getting that fact and now Jared wrecked it all and I can see now not only how perfect it was but also why I wouldn't have noticed how perfect it was as well. 

The list goes on and on. You can't possibly imagine how angry I was when I found out this was not just intrusive thoughts based purely on illusion but that Jared had actually said things like that to people. There's so many stories. I would be much more mean about all this to Jared cause I was angered beyond belief by all this. But I don't like to be too negative online. If it weren't for the fact that this was all for ultimate good intentions why this happened, I would for sure have banned Jared for life. 

Sae really has been acting terribly. And this will be reframed in the future. But I feel that this difficult time between us totally deserves to be chronicled. It's so disgusting what I believe Jared has said and done, considering how much harm this has indirectly caused me. You simply don't want to know. But since it's a bit too personal to even get into in full detail, I'll tell a story which I've crafted in my mind which I feel really explains all this so well. It explains how I felt within this situation and why :

This is the story of the rag. 

Imagine that I live in a house with Jared. Now, outside this house, there are terrible abusers who hate me and want to abuse me, and Jared knows this. The thing is, Jared behaves normally in the house. Sae's a regular guy who is usually tidy and polite. But there's just this one thing that Jared does which kinda sucks. For some odd reason, Jared has this rag that sae likes to leave around, strewn on the floor. Now, considering that everything's great about Jared in general, you wouldn't think that this one strewn rag matters much, would you? Normally that would be overlooked. But what happens is, Jared goes around outside and winds up talking to these horrible violators. Sae says to them, "I'm sick and tired of Ba's problems with rags. I hate it when Ba tells me what to do like to clean up strewn rags. I'm angry at Ba! I think Ba needs to learn a lesson or two about that kinda thing. Well — anyhow. I'm leaving the house now. I'm normally away from the house and the place is unmonitored during certain hours. The door's open."

Well at that point I hadn't even complained to Jared about the rag. Sae was lying. But anyhow, what happened is, the violators took that as a message. They took it as permission to go into the house and get me. They were a little scared of Jared and wouldn't normally risk invading sae's house, as Jared's. a bit scary and very powerful. But they just felt like if they do something say, to do with the rag, then Jared won't be mad. 

So what they do is, they tie me up on the bed and force this rag onto my face. It smells horrible — I'm not sure if the violators made it stinky or if it had lots of bacteria on it from Jared somehow — all I know is that it's horrific. They force me to smell it. They shake me and scream in my face "SMELL IT !!!! SMELL IT !!!!". I'm getting sick. I'm trying to guess why it's so gross smelling. It could be anything. They keep emphasizing that this rag is Jared's business. I know that it is, I'm fully aware that Jared has left the rag. They do this to me every day while Jared is out. I'm becoming more and more traumatized by this daily abuse just all the time. I talk to Jared, and sae informs me that sae has camera monitors on the room, and this is all video recorded what these violators are doing to me. I hope this means sae will report them to the police with evidence. But sae never reports it. Day by day I keep getting abused, and Jared has continually laid out the rag for them and not reported it. They keep saying that this is because I was bad to Jared by complaining of the rag being left out, and I keep feeling more and more angry at sae for doing this every day, which constanatly makes it worse. 

I wonder, if Jared is not going to report this to police, what is this video monitoring even for? Is this to watch it with pleasure and be happy that I was hurt? I know Jared well and I don't believe that really, but the abusers sure think so. They think these videos are for Jared's gratification if they even exist at all. They taunt me — why don't you get the evidence yourself and report it yourself? But I can't access Jared's evidence. 

In the end, once all these different abusers have been linked to each other through other means connected with this video evidence, Jared will report it to police. That's symbolic of the batch lawsuit. At that time when the evidence is looked at, it will be most abundantly obvious then that most certainly, leaving a rag out is in no way a crime, but tying someone to the bed and shoving it in their face while screaming at them is. You can imagine how the police would feel about this. They would feel it's understandable that I had been confused and turned against Jared by this process, but sae's clearly not the one to blame. 

However, there's more to it than even that. Also, Jared does realize that seems suspicious with the rag, and has a story about even that. In fact, it's documented in evidence that the rag itself was a fabric sample from a fashion designer that was hired to make a special outfit for me for a great show that I would love to be in. It was actually proven to be a part of something really nice that Jared was working on as a present for me someday. So it wasn't even a rag at all, and therefore it's not even messy of Jared. The thing is, Jared couldn't have told that to those abusers at all because that outfit was for a show which has to be kept secret from them or else they'll destroy it. In fact, if they could have their pick between rag abuse on the daily and just wrecking my future present from Jared, they'd definitely pick the latter. But then the thing is, when police are contacted, the reality is that this is more than just abusing me in my home, it's also abusing the special present too, so that makes it more serious, even though it was only a small part of it, just a fabric piece. 

It also seems that if this hadn't happened in the house on surveillance, it would have been worse. The bad guys would have stabbed me in a dark alleyway if it hadn't been for Jared magnetizing them into the house where there's video cams. 

So then in the end, once police are called and this is all taken care of, Jared will give me that present sae was planning. But the thing is, will the present seem like an apology to me for all this or will it seem like all it is is that this wonderful show and present was meant to be and now that the violators are out of the way, Jared's a hero for getting rid of them? I think it will be both. 

It's like before when Jared's social media team kept violently and aggressively harassing me. That's an earlier story from before Jared started liking my comments on a regular basis. It was so horrible when that was going on before. When Jared received my complaint and stopped them, then started liking my comments and responding, it seemed like both an apology for all that and also just for real reasons too. It never did feel like Jared was actually forced to like my comments just to clean up an embarrassing mess with the staff. I only felt that was one side of the story. I felt like it was just honest that Jared liked me and cared about me for real. In a sense that's why I think Jared was acting accountable and apologetic at that point was because there was already a genuine connection between us actually. So the likes seemed just because of liking in the end, but I never forgot that story as well. And that's what I feel is definitely going to happen. 

I actually think that Jared is going to buy me a house (lol). After this being at such a scale so much worse than what happened with that social media staff before, it's damn sure that instagram likes are nowhere near enough. A job is also not anywhere near enough. I no longer even want a job, or instagram likes. I'm so hurt by this. I also wouldn't want to accept money for free from Jared, as that's always a bit fishy actually. I thought about it long and hard one night. Assuming this was like the apology from before, and assuming it would be a way of getting back into my good books just by waltzing in with a gift that obviously makes me happy and I wouldn't ever say no to — what could Jared POSSIBLY DO NOW to actually be nice to me in such a way I would actually accept? I don't know if I'll change my mind about this, but I thought buying me a house. The reason for that is because that's not something that can be taken away from me, and it would make me stable. Like I own the house now and it's mine. And that's it, I never have to talk to Jared again if I don't want to. I just live in this house. 

I don't know, that's one thought I had, and I could change my mind, but the point is — that's the enormous scale of how hurt I've been by all this. I'm just saying, I can hardly think of anything Jared could do for me now other than this idea, because our trust has been so broken now. Doing something really nice for me is really the only way to get into my life now that it's been this damaged. And I believe Jared's going to do that. 

I don't really care. A house is not my interest in life right now. Right now I believe my financial issues will be resolved in another way. To understand how, you can read this article to the end : THE 16 KEYS BUCKYBALL ◊ A RADICALLY TRANSFORMATIVE TIME OF MY LIFE )). At the end of that article you will see where I think things are heading in my life with miracles. I believe the miracles that have been happening lately are going to increase. I believe that's a condition of good luck, where things easily fall into place in one's life. I feel like by the end of this, I'll be so wide open and empowered that it's as though I could do anything to make a living, anything I ever dreamed or wanted. Every single imaginable possibility will be open to me and I'll have freedom. I'll no longer be in such a confined position.

I have a plan actually but it's secret for now. And I look forward to that. But actually in this plan I wont' have a house (lol). It's funny how a house was the one missing thing in my plan (lol). So I'm sure there's hope between me and Jared. If sae DOES give me a house, I don't have to but I'll probably want to say something about it on UNITY LIFE. That's a UNITY LIFE post about Jared (lol). 

In that buckyball archive linked above, I mention that all UNITY LIFE resources are on hold for now. I mentioned in there that I had a strong intuition that at some point I'll be able to see when that final product of my healing progression of miracles will happen. At that point, I can be much more structured about how I present my resources, because The 16 KEYS is actually one of the most important resources here, and this healing transformation is based on them. There's actually quite a huge amount of information about The 16 KEYS that have now been becoming clear to me through this process. I'm very excited to be able to present these concept models about miracles not just as a concept, but as a true story of my own life experiencing these miracles myself — when I myself am the living proof of it. So once I know what's happening to me in my life I'll know how to stage out my art and resources to express that. 

And recently I felt I was approaching that time. I developed early intuitions of the time at which this final transformation will happen. Now, I'm not 100% certain yet. The way I see it, when I am 100% certain of my intuition, then it's true. But I'm not there yet, although this is a compelling intuition. Right now I think it might happen intime for my birthday on December 28th, 2026.  Actually the development towards this has been long, countless years, but it's so well developed now that it has the potential to be timed to a special day of the year. I think my birthday would be the perfect day for it, because it's the most personal culmination of my life's work — my body's transformation. This allows it to be celebrated as a yearly celebration anniverary on the ideal timing. It really is that big of an event that it would be ideal to time it that way. 

I promised that UNITY LIFE core resources on this website would be on hold until I was sure of when it's going to happen, but I said to myself that since I have a glimmer of the potential timing, I could make an exception for this entry. The fact is, it seemed like this post needed to happen at this time if that's going to happen on my birthday. The reason is, this is a harder time for me when I'm more connected to this painful history, and so it's the time when these painful experiences would best be written about. I mean no matter how healed this is going to be later, I still think it's been so significant that it deserves to be chronicled as a chapter in the story. So now's the time, while all this info is still fresh on my mind. I feel like by getting this written, I can get on with the rest of my healing journey now that it's over with.