This morning I woke up flooded with the inexplicable sense that I might just bring back some of my lingerie modelling posts on instagram — but I could tell it might not happen just as simply as that, and so far it hasn't. That said, I have to run out the door soon, so maybe later. And for anyone who read the earlier story of what happened and why they were deleted, you know this is a fairly significant thing to happen out of nowhere. I had no explanation in the floor of this idea, but I must admit there is some larger explanation for what it seems is going on with these strange impulses. I should be more honest — they are not fully inexplicable. I'll tell the story here.
Spiritual and intuitive connection with Jared Leto (as well as his brother Shannon in later times) has been a feature of the way I promote our connection on the Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: about it. And I think I'll add to that timeline that I've noticed some of my experiences of being spiritually and intuitively connected to them has actually long pre-dated when I first heard of them at all. There was an archive about how I wrote a matching song to a 30STM song at the same time once, and then just today I found out I had developed a huge obsession with cyr wheel acrobatics right at the time they were first introducing that type of performance into their act. Both were many years before I had heard of them.
So about this kind of connection I have with them. My belief about why these things happened is because Jared and 30STM were going to be a huge part of my future, so I was being prophetic about that. The way I was acting was as if I was fully aware of our connected future and totally placing things like this throughout my recorded personal history in order to show that I was naturally to the core always so inclined to celebrate their art. Essentially I was a walking-talking ad for 30STM even though I had no idea who they were, but the thing was, this was a beautiful, mystical profoundly natural and authentic expression of mine.
I believe it was caused by their power, a power which we all have but which in this case was a power that worked on me, based on the beautiful truth that our connection would be meaningful enough to have relevance, practicality and nourishment for my soul, in such a way which is mututally beneficial. The cyr wheel thing is a great example to show that it was natural and beautiful, not like a false power coming over me to puppet and exploit me to avertise their campaign. Like I was just into cyr wheels and obsesed, I was posting pictures for the purpose of inspiration, but I was not wasting my money going out and buying a cyr wheel taking lessons when of course I would never get any real chance to perform on the stage with them with a cyr wheel. I didn't over-extend myself into this. It was just for fun and perfect in that way, therefore a much better ad.
Lord only knows if Jared might have somehow known of me through NIRVANA at that early time, but I can sure tell you this is a fun story about how it wouldn't matter if not, it's still just as much their power working on me. They would always love beautiful ads for their band, even if they never saw it. They wanted everyone to be inspired by their art. They would have flipped if they knew people could be inspired by their art even without seeing it at all or having a clue who they were — that's even more ultimate. If they ever found out this kind of thing had been actually taking place, they would be mindblown happy to hear it. Only now can they find out cause only now it's proven that they were in my future to such a degree that this makes sense now, it must have been my mystical future instinct to celebrate their art. It fits perfectly into my story of intuition with them right now for the show, so that's why I did it then.
And that's beautiful, and would work by their power even if they didn't know what they were doing. But if you read the story of the lingerie deletions, we see that's the alter-ego opposite of this kind of beautiful thing. And what happened is, which I explained in the last post : I had felt an overburdened experience of being puppetted and forced into acts kinda imaginably the same kind of thing now, yet strangely repulsively opposite — like deleting my lingerie posts in order to orchestrate my image to match like similar to Jared's assistant Jnana so I can get a job working for them as I've requested from them. As like it sounds all beautiful and natural to have like a gentle feminine flowing and de-sexualized image but just the way this went on with wrecking my art, this was the opposite of natural and flowing.
And by the way I've been having a funny time writing in my diary with jokes about how this seems so freaky what was trying to be done to me. I joked haha "They were trying to dress me up like Jnana" hahahaha like you know, like some fetishy fucking freak thing for sex (lololol). HAHA I had the funniest time with Pola Weiss talking about that kinda joke cause she complained that after she broke up with Trent Reznor, he bought his new girlfriend clothes from the same designer label as he used to buy Pola, and so Pola said it was like a fetish, he was trying to dress up the new girl all like Pola to pretend it was her (lololol) like a freaky fetish (lol). I thought that was one of her best jokes, and I told her back my usual joke about that, where my friend said he had this one cat that used to take a blanket and actually meticulously fold it up t a shape like another cat and then hump it visciously (lol). I think that whole sex doll joke thing is really hilarious.
In that vein, I love movies that joke about blow up sex dolls, and that's the type of thing, like the music video for Tourniquet where they have manekins all done up like this (lol). I hope I recorded it on the dream diary — I remember I had a crazy nightmare one time about a serial killer inviting me into his apartment and then locking me in and drugging me with sedatives, and then I see on the bed he had meticulously quilted a sex doll of me into quilting, like it was like a 3D quilted replica of me with my legs spread wide open lying on the bed (lolololol). Like it's practically a voodoo doll thing right?
OK that's my attitude towards what happened to me with the deletion of the lingerie modelling posts because it was obviously designed to force me against my will to conform my image, without my choice. It's the opposite if this had been my own decision and something I could approve for my own path. I would have done it if offered the job and politely asked for good ethical reasons which are easy to make up to say, cause for an incentive, I pride myself on flexibility and adaptation. But when pushing me against my will it really is the opposite.
So that's how I know it wasn't Jared who actually caused this with his power, intentionally or otherwise actually. I really get how this is not the vibe we've been sharing in spiritual connetion all these years, dating as far back as 2005. It's so the opposite vibe. But it's just gotten me sketched out to go through this experience when it's strangely aligned in some way with all these ideas about beauty, creative inspiration, even spirituality as aligned with Jared as a way to merge and co-create into a positive future together, something which does mean a lot to me. And so it's insidious.
And so I want to come back to what I said before. At one point, I was so confused thinking this might be Jared's spiritual influence causing this and I said, I think what happened is that Jared saw my Timeline ://A\\rc)}’Hi\\V//e: where I so gorgeously explained that spiritual intuitive connection is such a perfect part of the story of how we came to connect eventually, when I had seen it in the future for so long — and that he was inspired by that and he started trying to cause it with his emotionally charged intent, just as a way to try to harnness what he was already seeing happening so beautifully, so that he could craft a cool story between us. This beautiful story I imagined he might be crafting was that he would come to me later when we eventually talk, and tell me that he had caused it on purpose with some of the gorgeous things that had happened. I mean so that it's not just something where I was just intuitively knowing what he would like, but actually a conscious co-creation between us, which is even more cool.
Well that is even more cool, and I do belive now he would be totally into that most likely, but I think I know what happened. OK so back to the story, what I mistakenly thought happened and which I realize now is not true is that Jared started trying it, but he was accidentally not aware of his power, and was overpowering me by accident by going from it being subtle and organic as an energy connection to being iwth his intent, which perhaps is stronger than he knows, so he might have overdone it just as a novice just starting to learn, and that might be why what would have been a beautiful co-creation went to evil by forcing me without my choice. It just became too strong for me to do anything but just be controlled.
But I no longer believe that part about him being novice at this and making a mistake and overpowering me. What I think happened now is that his staff caused it. His research staff or something like that. In fact I'm not sure what kind of personnel this might have been or what their role would be, but I can tell what happened. Someone else was on his team and was supporting some research tasks, probably perhaps someone who was supposed to follow my blogs and summarize the happenings on UNITY LIFE which relate to him so that he can get quick easy to read updates of latest news of how things are going, and pick from like a list if ever he has time, to actually read anything himself if it seems like it would be needed for him to see it with his own eyes now and then. Because he wanted to track how it was progressing with some things that were really sick that had to do with him.
And then what I think happened is, that person, that staff member, saw the train of thought going on with the show being about intuition and possibly Jared did say that I had been like intuiting his dreams or hopes in ways he couldn't have dreamed would be so meaningful the level of how well .... because I think that was happening .... or whatever, they got the idea. They understood it's like a show building where I'm getting psychic intuition from Jared and that's leading me on a track which seems to coincide well with their hopes. And then what happened is, this staff member actually thought it was their role to "help", and them not being fully informed anyway cause it's none of their fucking business on some deeper levels of why UNITY LIFE interests Jared, they took it upon themselves to try to affect me psychically. And that is why it seemed like Jared's commercial or other interests actually and was too strong and was not responsive or in depth to my needs.
I really think that's what happened. It happened I think that his staff started negatively affecting me psychically. And I'll tell you another fucking crazy story too what else happened that I think was from that.
Also, after I posted the series of posts explaining how the guy that I think was the other staff member from 30STM broke criminal law without their authorization in how he interacted with me on their so-called behalf, hired by them to have a direct interaction with me ..... I know that story sounds crazy but if you read teh story you 'll get what I mean. The story is here. and it has come into other perspective and goes with another older story in the timeline cause this is not the first time their staff has misbehaved towards me abusively. Well, yeah, this staff was really cool and impressed me as the coolest kind of person ever, and seemed from 30STM by being so great, but then broke criminal law with me which caused me to terminate things between us. And I was hoping they'd deal with that after the fact and come back around for the job.
Well what happened after I posted not only that, but also the abusive texts I've been getting at work, which are above in the other gallery ..... OK I got another weird abusive text which seemed to be affected by my posts. Now, it's possible perhaps if it was AI generated bots just texting, there's a chance this was done as a response to surveillance integration of what was posted to my site but I really don't get that impression off it. It seems to me like a real person texted me abusively, as if to just continue in a new way where they had been warned not to break criminal law. It's a shame I can't post that text cause it's censored right now. But what happened is, they pretended that they were just following a random free list post for something that was obviously of so much relation to what I do at work, that it was obviously a total lie that this was some mix up. And what it was was a picture of something that has haunted me in my intrusive thoughts too.
OK so it was like, they were trying to probe me about this item, asking for info and explanation about my happenstance repsonse of my views on this item, so as to ask me questions. But without breaking the law now, so they now had to be careful and not reveal that they were doing something illegal to say it. So they pretended it was a wrong number mix up. But it didn't look like they were truthful at all that it was a wrong number, and I asked them about that, and they said nothing when I confronted them. They said it was for sure just wrong number.
But the thing is, that item has haunted me in my intrusive thoughts during sex. And I'll tell you : Sometimes when I'm having sex, I get this item just showing up out of nowhere as having nothing to do with me or what I was thinking. And it bluntly just pops up, just like the text, just as if it's trying to probe my mind to see what I'll think in response. Would I get off on that idea? Would that be something I would be open to? And I always just think "This really has nothing to do with my train of thought and I think it's just intrusive and not my thing because of that fact even", and I ignore it. But now I see, it was just like this texting.
Well see I'll be honest, I have suspected at times that some of my exact enemies that were in the underground crime were actually from CoSM Chapel of Sacred Mirrors in some sense, organized with them secretly against me, and I thought that a long time ago, 30STM decided to try to find a way to sue my enemies so that they could stop this nightmare at my work, and what they did was they actually convinced CoSM to infatuate their way into 30STM staff and play roles on their staff for them. The enemy thought that this was a flattery and thought ti was unkonwn to 30STM that they were the source of my problems at work, and so they thought they could get away with sneaking around while supposedly doing 30STM business, pretending it was just following orders, but really sneak it in that they would fuck around with me with harmful intentions.
And that's now why I think that guy who I thought was from the staff who was so impressive and gave me the art grant, seemed like a genius. Because guys from CoSM always seem like such a high end genius and so artistic with language and so cool, but they are insidiously fake and harmful though. Which is just exactly in this case what happened. So I think that's the pattern at 30STM is to hire my enemies so they can sue my enemies, and at the same time I guess make money off suing them, cause it's really cool to make money by stopping harm to something that could be beneficial to you cause that can open things up of the possibilities. Like in this case, it's so ironic, but this could lead to a job that I could have with 30STM even by this horible story (lol).
But anyway not to blame the band for what was happening at work. It's just freaky how it seems connected between the two events, the deletion of the lingerie posts and that intrusive thought pattern obviously caused by these evil texter abusers at work. I mean could be not the case of course, and this is all guessing and connecting dots. So if I'm wrong, my sincere apologies if this was incorrect.
I think if Jared wanted to attempt to have a psychic influence on me, that would be so beautiful but it seems there's a need to get these staff out of the way first or else it will be bumpy and stressful going through the process.
But also there's more too. After I posted that thing about the idea that he was like novice and making early mistakes in trying intuition on purpose like that, I think he saw it and he responded well. Cause what happened is, in that post which is now deleted, I said it would be so sick if he could talk to marilyn Manson someday for psychic skill advice cause Manson seems to know what's up with how to stop intrusive thoughts and make it work out really well, cause obviously Manson does that to me psychically and he's really good at it. Well what I think happened is that post totally got to Jared and he saw it, and the huge sweetie that he is, he was totally not offended by my accident calling him novice, and instead just inspired by me, and he went to Manson right away and asked him advice.
And I know that because someone very close to Manson who texts with him and they are so in touch, who I told him he should talk to Manson about me, he communicated to me to let me know that they had, and what the conversation had entailed. And he communicated this fully in poetic language so that he could be subtle, so I assume it's hush hush and I don't mean to say who it was if that's secret. But what it was, was that Manson had been compleely insightful about what was going on at the time with these types of psychic intrusions and made comment that he's fully aware of what's going on to cause this negative psychic influence on me. And he made comment on some other negative intrusive thoughts I had had with Jared, which I believe he knew about from the other way because he knew that this was from staff.
Now the staff part, I'm kinda making that up as my own guess. What was clear from the person who talked to Manson was that he knew for SURE some of the intrusive thoughts I had been exactly having about Jared. These are completely quiet and I would never tell anyone so there's no way it would be out. It's just that it's fully gross and horrible to say, and yet it has been assaulting me for a long time with these particular things about Jared just annoyingly on a hugely regular basis. And it was in the realm of just annoying shit but nothing that I was having a breakdown over and I was able to often kinda laugh about it cause it sounded ridiculous. Actually I had had quite a few jokes developed about this exact kind eventually. Well it turns out Manson knew that kind.
But it wa snot like annoying to just hear it as a downer, cause other kinds my friend started off with were way more compellingly trippy and interesting deep kinds. And it was like a description of what had been going on with Jared lately, with context to note that Manson has known of this kind as fairly formulaic and happens to him sometimes, even dating back to the earliest band days of Smells Like Children, cause it's like a formulaic piece about assholes around band culture creating psychic paradigms for fans, which happens pretty formulaically. But this was distinctly my experience lately.
So that's how I got the impression that it was like Jared took the basics of what I was struggling with psychically then about him to Manson and asked his impressions, and then this was reported to me from my friend intentionally to inform me right now that it had been consulted about. Cause Manson's response was that he knows of that type of thing and it's staff often. I just think that, I think he said to Jared, you can root this shit out from your staff sometimes cause they sometimes think they are like entitled to "help" but then again they're fucks, and they're projecting their selfish sexual ego trip and also, not properly informed, and doing it all wrong anyway, plus obviously wihtout permission, and this happens. So that's sick, that was Manson's insightful response to Jared about what causes intrusive thoughts to interfere with a sacred psychic bond between two who are coming from love and respect with hopes and dreams.
And again I don't think it's because Jared's novice at these items that he asked Manson. I think it's because he trusts my instinct. I think he's just learned from a distance like I described earlier, that I can be very insightful, so without any ego trip about who's better or worse at stuff like this, or if I was polite enough to him, he lovingly just erspected my idea. Which to me is so cool <3. But yeah I think it sounds like that might have been a very productive conversation and I appreciate it, but I've corrected, I think it's the staff who are not only novice but also totally fucked on way deeper levels than that. And the distinct impression that it was from Jared seems totally fabricated by the staff in this way, like them thinking "This is what Jared wants so only for Jared, and here's why he wants it, and it's so Jared", really made it seem like from Jared, and that's fucked up.
And if Jared wanted anything, I'm very happy to help but obviously just not within abuse or from any psychic garbage from these kinds of people, and obviously all within will of choice and freedom too, and with proper respect, with incentive provided where it's due. Cause again, I can create incentives for myself where possible to charge a co-creative atmosphere, but there is a limit. But that' sthe magic that I think is leading to the job and me being paid, which I love about it, is that I've created so much of that with The 7 of 9 that my time is maxed, my schedule and my energy is so maxed now on co-creations that work for me between us, and so NOW if they want ANYTHING else, it's time to upgrade to the pro version you have to pay for (lol) < ]. And I'm sure they resonate with that (lol).
Add comment
Comments