Healing Experiences Combined With Continued Brujería

But I do admit that perhaps it was a bit overstated just how advanced the healing process of the brujería had been. It's not like it seems 95% healed yet or anything like that. There are still some major issues remaining. I said at one point it seemed like 75% healed, and as much as the healing journey definitely continued, I might say realistically it's about the same. It seems to me that it was a huge healing to achieve that much resolution, and that caused many ongoing realisations and healing effects as my mind and emotions adjusted to those new changes, but not so much an upping of the percentage, really. 

When I look at the story in the blog between me and 30 Seconds to Mars (Jared and Shannon's band), it seems like it should be like 95% healed by this point if you directly measure it by how close they seem to be becomming to me. At least if you only count social media interactions. But I think it's not exactly quite that soon with the job (or whatever equivalent they have in mind for me), based on how the brujeria feels. I feel like judging by how much brujeria is left, it seems that when they evolve beyond just likes and comments on instagram into more direct communication, there will be a whole stage of time in which that's building and evolving slowly, or something like that.

But then again, it's not like it necessarily tends to work incrimentally and in a clock ticking style for me when things like brujeria clear away. In fact I normally find it heals suddenly in big bunches most times. The latest way that it's been healing in a progression of stages do seem to be directly connected to events taking place outside of myself. I think the clockwork precise method of social media interaction from 30STM does not actually reflect the healing process which they seem to be causing behind the scenes, through events that are more normal to usual life — like all a chaos or unfolding of complicated events. 

But it's great news that there's a healing going on and I can detect that it will resolve most major problems I've been dealing with, in such a way which is definitely going to happen. 

The healing has been having an effect of providing way deeper insight into the brujeria that's been going on for years, and more particularly, this latest explosion where it got worse recently which was chronicled to some extent here. I remember the day after I had my worst day, seemingly a backlash of harmful and painful sorcery just flaring up so bad in retaliation from my posts bringing exposure to the issue in this blog.

During that experience, I was seeing through it better than ever before. I felt like I could interpret the meaning of each intrusive thought and feeling, seemed to boil down to the guttural thinking patterns, insecurity and fear of the people responsible. It was like reading their minds on a very intimate level, through the language of the torture they were attempting on me. For example, they seemed to have it programmed that if I'd think of something I could do to expose them and their brujeria, it would cause me pain — and I noticed all they were saying was "I'm afraid, I'm insecure. I don't want to be held responsible for my actions", and this was quite complex, and offered me way too much information about them. I learned a lot about what goes through their heads and what types of people they are. It was like a vulcan mind meld to the most miserable and sorry individuals to ever live, but through an interpretation code language — yet that was better than just feeling confused. 

I thought that was highly insightful, but I was amazed that that level of insight actually deepened much more as time went on and further healing continued to deepen. Over time as things went on, I started having a much more zoomed out perspective on the connections between different types of brujeria I was getting. I started to understand a history of this brujeria over the years, and just what tricks they had been up to. At the same time, I was able to separate in my. mind the wise and loving connection I had felt with the stars admidst all these patterns throughout the years, ins uch a way as to give me much more confidence and insight into that line of thinking too. This allowed for much deeper reflection. 

Over the years in my private diaries I've developed a spirit animal for myself. I normally associate sentimental love for this idea with one of my favourite stars, Alice Cooper. Always I think of Alice and his band when I think of this great spirit animal idea. I see myself as a bloodhound. The bloodhound is one of the most beautiful breeds of dog, typically bred for royalty and upper class, very rich and prestigious families. I met a bloodhound once at the airport when it scented my leaves which were a musical instrument from a type of leaf used for roofing in Peru, on my way back from Peru. I was absolutely enchanted by its precision. I realized that its sense of scent was like a huge encyclopedia library, really an intellectual expert of indepth categories of information. Its beautiful silky fur had a gorgeous wave to it, and it was a beautiful and elegant being which was simply the greatest at what it does. I compare this with my intuition, as I'm such a mindblowing intuitive.

The rich would always hunt with bloodhounds. They would detect the scent of a prey from many many miles away and gracefully lead the humans who rode on horses to the prey, wherever it hid in the vast forests. Without a bloodhound, these noblemen could not dream of finding their prey, and without the novlemen, the bloodhound would never be able to capture it. They worked together as a family. It was the ultimate expression of a family with another type of being joined to it as an important part of the team.

I don't mean this to put myself down as a dog in a bad way at all, but sometimes when I think of how i live my life separate from the stars, apparently no more than a fan, it's as if I'm in a whole other metaphor like the bloodhound, and yet I feel our connection is just as close of a family, and my role just as important as the bloodhound to the hunt. The rich noblemen on horses reminds me of the stars. They have lawyers, they have money, and they seem huge and powerful, just as the novelmen would seem to a bloodhound. But just like that relationship, I feel nothing but trust, love and family with them. And I feel somehow so naturally to my being, I work for them. I find the blood, they hunt it down. This is the metaphor which explains the mystery — why do I act like I'm already somehow charged to them? 

I don't feel like giving my bloodhound tips in this blog is how they will really be able to act on the hunt. Intuitively I sense that I have already been doing this through other methods for many years, and this blog — a place that seems to provide a public location for them to find information — is not the deeper truth of how it all works. But this blog has been meant to be. Not only has it helped me work through my thoughts, but it will provide a record for later use in some things. 

So, casually, I did want to offer a few bloodhound notes about what's been realized and going on. I'll start by listing some problems then go on to explain some of the things I've realized about the enemies tricks. 

First of all, it was fascinating to write the brujeria archive and use primarily the example of Miguel Kavlin, the one brujo who had been plaguing me for  years through Ayahuasca traditional network. Also, taking a look at that story in combination with the story of Guillermo, it was absolutely fascinating to contemplate this idea that brujeria is something you can discern like as a separate type of dark experience, different from your usual anxieties and stresses or philisological psychologies. It's so distinct, and I really notice how you can see the difference so clearly. That was such a healthy archive for me to write. That really helped me look again at just how mindblowingly obvious it's been that there has been brujeria at work in my situation, at every key point I've discussed so far. The latest story about the lingerie modelling photos is so obvious, and the intricacy of what they were trying to accomplish was a joke to imagine was coming from my psyche. This made me think about it a lot. 

I started to think that it seems this brujo Miguel Kavlin had long ago joined forces with CoSM. The thing is, actually, CoSM is very publicly aligned with Guillermo specifically, too. Now, I never suspected that Guillermo was that upset at me actually, and I still don't think he's any big source of my problems, though perhaps small. But I definitely see they have no problem with brujos and no standards when it comes to how they'd connect with Ayahuasca guys. Actually it's the opposite — it seems their standards are that they're far more attracted to brujos than authentic tradition. And the thing is, CoSM's agenda has always been to dismantle any potential work opportunities for me, and one of their main specific ways of doing that was trying to figure out my full resume of anyone I had creds with, like graduated some workshop or training or gained respect in an area that could provide money of any kind, and destroy that connection or use it against me. And Miguel really symbolized that for them. 

The main person who supported me in vegetalismo (to learn the traditions and access guidance and forms of support) for the Ayahuasca path throughout my training in which Ayahuasca and their master plants (aka the medicine) was my teacher, not any human — was the supposed so-called student of Miguel Kavlin. He was posing as his student, but I'm sure he didn't think of it that way at all in honesty. He was a good man who was obviously fully opposed to Miguel but followed him around on all his trainings pretending to be under him. Officially, I was not under Miguel's stewardship, but Miguel considered this an unspoken "lineage" and privelege of influence through brujeria — while my guide was not able to warn me of this, but clearly was not a brujo and was opposed to uch things. It was secretive anyway. 

The typical idea in tradition of a "lineage" is supposed to be a beautiful thing. Assuming everyone was respectful of tradition, it's like a grandfather or grandmother, someone older and more wise, who taught your own teacher, making them the epitomy of your journey. But in my situation, my guide had to be very explicit that he should not be called my teacher, and he was extremely clear that there is no connection to Miguel through him. That said, I just think Miguel assumed dominance. But regardless of what Miguel was thinking in his brujeria, it's a general notion with "lineage" and many people who have been on the vegetalismo path or heard of it, or heard of related ideas in other cultures, assume right away that it's sacred automatically. So that's why I think Delvin and CoSM took a special interest in exploiting the broken relationship between the three of us. 

I saw that happening obviously when things went to hell between me and my guide. I don't even mention his name because from the first day I met him he urged me never to tell anyone his name or show a picture. This I thought at the time was due to superstitions about the photograph stealing your soul or something. But yeah, turns out it was because Ayahuasca had warned him early of the upcoming dangers to me through this exact method, and his vulnerabilities in that situation. Sadly, I never listened to him, and when I used to be friends with Delvin, I always told Delvin his name. Delvin's been more than aware of his name, and how to find him all these years. There's just no question that he sought him out. And things totally went to hell between us at a certain point — in a way. 

What happened was, once I told him that I had graduated in my ceremonies, he said that according to his understanding of how vegetalismo should be practiced and what would constitute a graduation as a full-fledged Ayahuasqera, he thinks I'm not graduated. But the thing is, the way that he and Miguel were practicing, based on the visions of Miguel's teacher of how to teach his student Miguel (which I am pretty sure was Don Agustin Rivez. I know the guy from watching lots of videos of him (lol). I think I guess it was his teaching, he was a very funny different guy) .... anyway based on certain vision teachings of Miguel's teacher I'm guessing, Miguel was practicing vegetalismo differently than the regular kind. H ewas doing a way way WAYYYYYYY more strict and difficult rigid kind of practice, and my guide took this on completely and taught it to me. And I practiced it way hardcore strict like that. 

The medicine advised me at the time of my graduation and later as well quite indepth that when my guide (in toe iwth the beliefs of Miguel) had said that I have failed my vegetalismo practices, this has been entirely untrue if you model it by the regular traditional practices that are normally done. For example, most master plant dietas are ended after 10 days, but I had aimed for minimum 2 weeks, and sometimes I ended my diets earlier than 2 weeks but still longer than 10 days, out of difficulty from brujeria. So each time, my guide said that I had failed, and this dieta had no effect. That's not true, and Ayahuasca strongly advised me in visions at the time that I had succeeded fully in the spiritual effects of the dieta, but when my guide advised me otherwise, that was very confusing for me. I listened to my guide and trusted that I had failed many times. But at my graduation I was taught more powerfully and transparently than ever that I had fully succeeded, and it was intricately reviewed just how exactly that success was achieved in all my previous dietas, as a huge breakdown of my entire history with the medicine. 

So when I told my guide this, he disagreed, and acted a bit rude. I asked him for a dieta from him at his centre and he agreed, but offered only with tobacco, not with master plants. That was just so harsh, it was like saying I had really lost my skull at this point if I think I should even progress. But the thing is, thinking about it more later, I realize now what he meant by it. It was his coded and cloeaked way of saying that he agrees with me that I've graduated. What he meant was, if I've graduated, I no longer need his help. I should be able to take things from here myself. And shortly after, he mysteriously told me he no longer wishes to be in contact with me ever again, and told me not to contact him anymore — forever.

That broke my heart because he was very special to me as a friend, and I honestly always would love to remain connected, since not only was I more than grateful for his important role in my life, but also I admired him so much. I always looked up to him as he was truly such a powerfully beautiful and integral clear person with great love in his mind, which reminds me of how the medicine has affected my mind to radiate compassion and healing service with so much precision. I woudl always have wanted to continue updating him on how things had gone for me in my life with the medicine after graduation, as these kinds of stories are just so sentimental. I was very sad, but I later came to understand that his choice came from love and protection. He was trying to ex-communicate the brujeria from Miguel from me, not ex-communicate me from him. I felt his strategy was to break the sense of a lineage between me and Miguel. 

In fact, during my gradutation, the medicine said it's crucially important that I remember his lesson and never call him my teacher, and this lineage notion between me and Miguel through him is the source of most of my problems in some ways. I told him that after the grduation as we were discussing, and he not long after ex-communicated me. I sense that he had seen this day coming a long time ago in the medicine, but one might even imagine he was just accountably responding to what I had reported from my visions. 

Ayway, again, this attracted Delvin and CoSM in their big mission to destroy my "CV" in their shallow conceptions. It's just that a lot of people would assume that it's based on the approval of your "teacher" or guide whatever you call it (lol) that you would be approved and graduated, rather than on larger tradition or the advice of the medicine. So it was such a thing where they wanted to somehow dig out this information from my guide. Now, as you can see from the story, my guide's tendency was very afraid of being pursued in this way. He was totally obviously aware of these kinds of dangers. I think he'd be very clamped shut unless fully massively tricked in some way, although he would be hard to trick. It's possible that he had been sourced for this story I suppose, but I think it's more likely that they figured out they could go to Miguel for it. Miguel could have possibly extracted it from my guide and then that would be their source. 

So this explains that they've been involved with Miguel to some extent in a plot against me, you know? I strongly suspect it. And when I say that they seem to like a brujo better, this is based on direct conversations with Delvin. I warned Delvin many times about Guillermo's brujeria and sexual misconduct, and asked why he tolerates Guillermo as his personal choice for where to always go for his Ayahuasca. He only has ceremonies with Guillermo, and practically worships the man — even contracting artists to do glorified paintings of Guillermo which he puts up in his card set to promote as cultural lore and make famous. Delvin's response was something like "Eh, whatever. I really just prefer Guillermo" like absolutely no acknowledgement of the seriousness which was raised.

Then, when Guillermo sexually touched me in the ceremony in which he poisoned me in the 3 ceremonies of that weekend, Delvin played a part in how tht was handled. They had a meeting about the issue after I emailed the Traditional Amazonian Medicines Society, a group of Ayahuasca healers who work with Guillermo together in massive ceremoies, telling the story. They all met together about this issue, and what it seems happened is that they swept it under the rug. They asked. Delvin to contact me to let me know that they had had a meeting about it. He invited me over to his house, made some dinner for me, and told me that they had had a meeting about me, specifically not giving me any details of the meeting at all excpet that it had happened, and sounding extremely neutral and unwilling to say more. 

Anyway Delvin was that way about other things too, more drawn to sketchy and corrupt things. For example, there were 2 Permaculture teacher trainings available for child and youth education — one that was about integratoin within the public school system and one that was nature based and grassroots, designed for families or any child and youth setting. I told Delvin, "Come on, we know a lot of corruption and pedophilia and child abuse takes place within the school system. We understand that educational model is practically modelled around abuse itself by the methods nd structures of how the education is even designed, with punishment and extreme attitudes surrounding hierarchy built in and so much more. So why don't you at least take the good Permaculture training as well? Why do you go to the school system one only?". Again, he just shrugged and took no accountability. He was taking countless rainings but refused to invest in this healthy one for children. He used rude and limiting language about children from these kinds of models. 

Anyway, so long story short, I think that they are actually most likely using sorcery as part of their steez too when it comes to what they're up to with the church. 

I'll go through some of the remaining issues here : 

- I'm still not comfortable modelling my lingerie cause I can't see myself as beautiful anymore and it's obviously sorcery
- I'm starting to find that eating is getting way out of control and still not able to exercise, gaining weight to enhance the problem
- This all seems like brujeria against my body and my path of lingerie modelling

- I was actually raped at work yesterday, and unfortunately I cannot get a rape kit (cause how it went was really clean) or deal with it with police, and I am not ready to really talk about it much yet, but that's never happened to me before, and it seemed to do with all this stuff — I felt like this guy was sent to me from them. I could see exactly how it was from them — they had been so angry about what I said about 30STM staff that I'm an intimacy counsellor and that is such a strong area for me and they wanted to somehow trash me calling me a whore. This looked totally like their bulilshit and the guy fully exposed all his thinking which revealed that he had the plan to rape me intentionally from the start. The rape was te kind when it was voluntary, but that was by force — a force was deliberatly applied to threaten me in such a way which forced me to "consent". But that's of course not consent. And that whole fact that it's not real consent was the plan. It was attempted that this would be covered up but it's obvious at least to me. 

- That day that I got raped yesterday, they were also going crazy with the abusive texts. One guy actually said that he's a robot — he said that he can't complete the captcha prove you're not a robot part of my screening form so he wants to answer the screening quetions by text. I allowed him to answer, and he answered like a sorry loser. 

- Another guy texted me that day with a huge homophobia thing. I mean they usually come through really racist a lot but this was a homophobia one. He asked me if I'm trans in such a way as to mean it as an insult, saying also that he hates trans people. And this is one of the things I usually get is that they ask me if I'm trans but they usually make it sound like I'd be the one coming up with the thought that it's an insult, not them, although that question is way out of scene and makes no sense in the first place to ask such a question though. But now I see they mean it as a homophobia thing from them. 

- And yeah, sometimes painful intrusive thoughts, but thankfully that really has gotten a lot better lately. It's pretty rough sometimes and it's obviously the sorcery, but hey, I'm just grateful that it's improved so much. 

The fact that things escalated at my work so badly really seemed to concide with the texts. This I felt was their response to the latest blogs exposing them. I also felt, it seemed to make me look good that I'm such a powerful intimacy counsellor, and that fits into their usual agenda. That's like a bi of a resume piece in their mind, and I know they were desperate to take that down. But it sounds to me like the church too to want to tar and feather a woman or give her a scarlet letter, calling her a whore, as an act of rape. 

So you see how it all seems interconnected. The way I see it it's been a chain of interconnection and networking between CoSM and my other enemies in my life. Actually the church was something that was always an intensity for me since birth too since i'm the daughter of an Anglican minister. I did survive early childhood rape assault as a small baby or little girl that I didn't remember, but I had evidence on my body. And this is just a guess but I guessed that there's some underground abuse which is old from the church, which supposes that the Anglican tradition of allowing marriage for a minister is some kind of a freak side-cult from the real church which has abstinence for priests, you know? Like I think what they did is said that the Anglican is against the true church with sex, so they'll allow it but only if they can abuse the children from those marriage,s and such, cause I think they imagine those children are the spawn of sin itself, like a product of sin, therefore deserve to die slowly. 

Anyway, I just think those types of attitudes are secretly going on sometimes in Christianity with some abusive people, and that stuff ended up being the attitudes of CoSM towrds me. Like that, and that being the reason they latch so much onto this idea that I'd be a whore. It's an excuse to put down a woman and her sexuality in general for sure. But also I was thinking as well, I've learned a lot about why they are homophobic in the church too against trans women. I think they see sexuality as the property of men, cause men have more sexual drive nad hormonal tendency of urges, so they've mysogynistically assumed this means men should own the whole notion of sexuality, and own it over women. So when a woman has a penis, they think that woman false owns the penis, liek it's not their property or their right to have it. I think they think that a trans woman's penis is ugly and upsetting to see, because it is their idea of falsely placed in thier right and ownership of their body. 

They really are disgusting slobs from the info they've given me through their brujeria. I can't say all the brujeria seems like a sorcery power directed from Miguel and perhaps Guillermo, not at all, but it's just fascinating that there is a connection there. I think the church can do brujeria and it's just a different kind of quality to it entirely how it comes across in the experience of the victim, but I get the impression it's somehow been combined in my experience. 

So like, those kinds of isnights about mysogyny, rape, homophobia and racism too, have all been the types of thoughts going through my mind when I was raped yesterday and harassed at work. 

I had a laugh, I thought it's amazing even after being raped that I'd rather be doing what I do right now for work than working minimum wage at a grocery store (lol). HAHAHA I couldn't believe it's true, I still think I would rather suck rapist, racist, homophobe, sexist, zombie "—" than work at a grocery store for such a low pay  (lol) haha. That did make me feel better. At least I got paid too at the rape actually (lol). But I can't believe this is escalating. 

I'm just thinking honestly, the sense of escalation that things are continuing to get worse at my work right now is not actually making me think things are not getting resolved nd working out, ironically to what you'd think. I feel like the way it works is, the fact that it's escalating and getting worse in some ways right now is indication that greater resolution will be mandated by that and will start coming out even better to solve this. I just see it like that, it's like SNAP — EXPLOSION — while my enemies think they are heading forth with a greater power into a new direction, they are ironically making more mistakes in how they do it, and getting themselves busted worse. I think they will get busted and this rapist will go down along with them all. I feel like it's a chain of enemies throughout my whole history which are all getting busted together as a few key things which interconnect them all are identified and stopped in a legal fashion, I believe. 

Anyway, I'm really fat now, but I try not to worry about it. I have an urge to over-eat all the time so instead of eating junk food I decided to buy a bunch of apples, fruits, honey, and vegetables and eggs, so that I can just overeat on supposedly healthy food. I think the apples really are healthy and the berries, somewhere in the middle I guess, but the honey — that's just sugar. But I think with white sugar, the urge to eat a lot escalates, so I'm just trying to see if I can lassoo it back to a less scale over-eating. And every day I think "I have the energy to exercise and I'd rather be working at my standing desk and treadmill. I'm excitedt o exercise today, let's do it !!" and then something stops me and for some weird reason I can't do it, I just can't literally do the action. It's like being frozen from it. It's not at all like "OMG I'm tired, there's not a chance I have the energy to exercise, cause my body's weak". Not even close. 

In that sense, I feel I'm getting better a bit. My body felt so weak before but now it feels better. I think eating more has helped, but it coudl also be that the brujeria is going away. I've realized my liver is not sick. It's just brujeria that made me feel tired before, that's for sure what it was this time. I had been sick earlier iwth a cold and took antibiotics, so that explains it for the coming weeks after, but not all this time since then. I'm not on anything that's taxing my liver, and Ive long since recovered from the cold. It's brujeri for sure but now just a frozen from the actions. 

I'm excited about the job with 30STM and it makes me happy. I feel joy and positivity when I think of Jared and Shannon. But I get brujeria all the time against excitement and happiness for the job in any larger way. It's like I'm pushed back to not that excited when a natural joy comes over me, and stopped from appreciating the story. Then sometimes it takes me over with just a fear that something's wrong and I get intrusive thoughts like "They're going to stop interacting with you now and it probably wont' even work out", and I know that's not true (lol). It's a bit of a war going on here inside me sometimes and it will get better though, and that makes me happy. Just knowing the brujeria will probably get resolved when the job happens does bring me confidence. That way I know I won't feel that over-hyped or awkward nervous feeling when I meet Jared and Shannon, and I won't feel dumb about myself and stupid or fat or ugly or all these brujeria things. That makes me realize, when I meet them, it's going to feel so organic and natural and empowered and being myself feeling loved for who I am, and able to really appreciate them for their wonderful qualities without feeling like I missed the important layers to it. 

I know this same shit will continue when I get the job in later stages probably, with different qualities and stories, cause I assume this type of thing happens to people in life from time to time, especially in high rpressure scenarios. But I really imagine this particular type of sorcery lately will be all gone when I start the job, and it will probably be at least 6. months of bliss in the new job before I start noticing dark agendas in complex ideation that it's as if I'm failing at the job or going to be fired.

But thankfully, a part of my prophetic visions of the job always were that it will be a job I can't possibly do wrong or get fired from, cause I'm so perfect for it, it's just not even funny. Kinda like the bloodhound thing. It's almost as if being a consultant would be something like being a bloodhound. I feel I'm of a breed for this job. I feel this job was meant for me so profoundly, and only I could do it. It's that I serve an important function already and this could be made into an actual job where I'm providing something so much more by being hired of the same as always which would otherwise be impossible. You could almost say I should be the staff supervisor for 30STM staff (lol). Haha just joking, I doubt it would be that (lol).